REALLY, I DON’T THINK THAT IT IS THAT BIG OF A BONUS

I was reading a column about women for Esquire Magazine earlier and a few things jumped out at me that I will sift into my posts from time to time. One of them was a comment from a women who I did not take the time to annotate, her comment seemed out of place as it was a stereotype of men in a piece that sought to erase some of the stereotypes about women.

The comment dealt with how women like men who, and because they can, take as little as 15 minutes in the bathroom and be completely ‘finished’ and out the door. She said this was an appreciation since it freed up the bathroom for her to take her usual eternity in getting primped and prepared.

One of the things that play into making ‘The Most Interesting Man in the World’ so, uh, interesting is that he does not trim or shave certain areas of his body that light has not seen since puberty.

“Manscaping”, is the implied question in one of Dos Equis commercials. The answer that he gives, “What is this”, with a derisive sneer, is meant to lead us to believe that he is too manly to be worried about such dandyish activities.

The statements that each piece made called to mind was my own behavior and how it was that things like making use of facial crèmes and cleansers, as well as trimming my toenails and, the hair in my nether regions came to be a habit of mine. ‘Cleaning up’ has always seemed to put me in a better, if not completely good, of a mood.

Usually, I will choose a day where I go out with the intention of having a good run and work myself into a good lather. Today was one of those days, even with waking up later than I would normally like and getting my run in. Right now I have yet to record or even check for the time it took for me to finish, because I expected to be ‘too slow’ for my own ‘normal’. I have not ran in a month before I began to hit the road this week, so I am going to walk down to my ‘standard’ and then set goals once I reach it.

Even if I am slow for my normal or simply slow, period, I felt good after I finished my run. And when I got in the shower, I felt even better.

Stood in the water for a few minutes to get nice and damp, and then took some shaving crème and a razor to the legs and my pits. You know, I flat out have some good looking legs! I think they would have given Betty Grable a run for her money!!

Of course, I neatened up ‘the boys’ and finished with the bathing part of the shower, which in and of itself took nearly 10 minutes. I have always showered with the idea of bathing for ‘three rounds’ of time. Cutting back to 10 is for the environmentalist in me. That brought to mind those hairy and funky ‘hippie chicks’ that find all kinds of reasons to justify not taking a freakin’ bath! I mean I am all for conservation and everything but I am not yet ready to give up my hot showers and baths!

I really wonder if women do consider that kind of quality in a man, ‘a bonus’? I mean, having actually lived around guys and watching them almost flaunt personal hygiene etiquette, I am here to tell you that it had BETTER take a cat at least 15 minutes to get clean, not up to that time. Now this is not to say I am not without true peculiarities about hygiene. Nebraska asked me why I only would wear two outfits while I was in Omaha… and that my bathroom seemed to be ‘clean’, almost as if it was unused.

Well, as to my sartorial choices, I was not there to impress anyone in particular (though perhaps I should have been… more on that another day). Filling out paperwork at the DHS or for subsidized housing, I was not trying to look like anything other than someone who is applying for DHS benefits or subsidized housing. What, maybe I should have worn a blazer with an ascot?

As for my bathroom, the hotel chain I used only has limited maid service. And having worked in the hotel industry, I try not to make a mess for someone to come behind me and clean up. I would GI the bathroom (but not like the SFC, whose bathrooms are at the Inspector General level), and make my bed, because it would bother me to leave it a mess and come back to it a mess.

NOW LADIES, BACK TO ME

This question of ‘manscaping’ and being a ‘metrosexual’, I am so like ‘really, you have to question a man who wants to be in touch with his inner mother goddess (because that is how we all start out, dontcha know, and where do you think she goes as we men mature..?) and enjoys being clean, soft and pleasantly fragrant? As far as that particular stereotype goes, the idea behind it is one of fear of the unknown. Somehow it means that a cat thinks he is ‘prettier than you’ and may be a little too feminine, or that he is so involved with himself that he only has room for his reflection in his eyes. Since I have seen women in all kinds of fail regarding their choices in men, what kind of mark against a cats’ character is going to get a mani-pedi every couple of months?

After getting out of the shower to get my shave on and teeth brushed, I stepped back from the mirror in my towel. And as I looked and as objectively as I could, I thought, “Ladies, look at the man your man wishes he looked like!! Even with this being so, I still feel pretty off, and I mean, not in a quirky or peculiar way. A really dark and low kind of feeling, one that I am having problems getting a grip on or enough of a picture for a description.

I feel so horribly isolated and uncomfortable. And I feel lonely, too.