Friday, August 6, 2010

LOOKING INTO THE CEILING AFTER TURNING OFF THE LIGHT

WITH YOUR FEET IN THE AIR AND YOUR HEAD ON THE GROUND

I have been all over the place lately and trying to pick through my different thoughts have been very trying. Nothing that is too bad, at least not according to how I feel about them, but they are like protein strings that are in your eye, visible when you wake up or leave a movie theater. Not quite there yet real enough that you sense something visible.




Been trying to right something coherent and sensible without going off on a tangent. Did have something scribbled but it was more of a screed so I kept it to myself. The thoughts and emotions behind it will undoubtedly seep in my entries in the near future as they will in this entry. That is because each thought stream flows through Nebraska.

When I spoke of my impressions of Omaha, I was deliberately understated. One reason is that I not spoke to Nebraska or written her. The long bus ride wore on me and when I got back in town, there were pages of script for me to write and put into format for the movie that is being shot that I spoke of before. Speaking to one of the actors at the shoot tonight, we both acknowledged that any opportunity to do something that you enjoy to do, is a never a burden, but a gift. It is of little consequence that it is a shoe string production but that it IS a production and the people behind it plan on doing SOMETHING with it, and from there you never know, do you?

So the movie script along with an adventure that should not have been, kept me from sitting down and effectively talking about what was going through me as I tried to take in the ambient energy of Omaha. Tonight, I will put more into what I felt during my stay.

Now Hutch admonished me somewhat for my intentions. He thinks that I am moving solely to be with Nebraska and I understand why he would think that as I would anyone else who reads my journal. He says he never recalled me talking about my fondness for Nebraska, and maybe I did not talk with him about the 'unfrosted strawberry pop-tart' home uniforms of the Husker football team or being fascinated with Nebraska as a state. But I reminded him how surprised he was when I told him about entering the service. And it was something that I knew was always in me but did not speak about it. Like with my Mom, I thought my 4 years of ROTC had said enough for me.

Besides, 'no man with a good car needs to be justified'. In fact, there is just one thing left for me to do, and that is...

REALLY, IT IS NOT ONLY THE NAME OF A CRAP SONG

As an aggressive fighter one of the risks is being caught with your head out over your feet and exposing your chin to your opponent. That is the inherent risk in being an aggressive power puncher not that you necessarily are not able to 'take in' what you 'dish out'. If you feel that eventually you will be able to get to someone and lay them out, sometimes your technique has unavoidable openings.

That was another factor in why I was not effusive with not what I took in about Omaha, but of my girl. We have known each other most of the decade and at first, it was me being who I am, a peculiar yet intriguing fellow. While she may have had some interest, her interest never rose to beyond the level of 'e-friend', which is a full level worse than being caught in the 'friend zone'. At the level I was at, I thought that she would have passing thoughts about her next day's lunch that occupied her mind more than I did (she may read this, I am not sure... but if she reminds me, I will tell her the same thing to her face). When you have the style and approach that I do, being relegated for a time is more or less the price of doing business.

But one of the early things that I told her and what made it seem unlikely(I am guessing) that I was serious about her, was how I was a kid and would be fascinated by Johnny Rodgers hi-lights and liked how Vince Ferragmo ran and passed for the Huskers. Oh, and why Marlon Perkins and Jim made me want to visit the Henry Doorley Zoo. Her own opinion of her hometown made it seem unlikely that a brother would WANT to come to such a pokey place, especially someone from town like Detroit. Which is has a certain legacy to it that contrasts to a specific legacy in Omaha.

Anyway, as we chatted and wrote each other, I mention that I used to want to name a daughter after a former player because I thought it was different. And the coincidence that she actually KNEW this player might have finally had her see the light.

...AFTER ALL, I AIN'T SO BAD

It does not matter to me whether or not this is about 'me' or about 'her' because in the final analysis, where one ends the other begins.

I like Omaha enough to make it my home. Period. The highs and lows that await will never make me regret my choice or my experiences. As far as it not being 'metropolis' like Detroit, it was with affection that I called Mookie Dee's home town 'the provincial town that I jogged 'round'... in all my travels I have come to the conclusion that I like the less sophisticated places. There seems to be more room for growth in a spiritual sense as well as intellectually in those towns. In big cities there is a troubling skepticism about the good in the world with narrow viewpoints and seen through brusied eyes that are swollen slits. I get tired of that because it does not correspond with the reality that there is success, great success for anyone who dares.

I am sure that I mentioned that our biggest differences are in the area of world view and I do not see where that should be a problem. Why worry about me not being willing to give 'Lottery Ticket' a chance, not on a bet, not if you paid my way? Same reason why I am not pressed for company for 'Inception' (but bets are off on DVD's!).

Well, enough is enough. Today's song DOES say it all for me tonight, as I have not had a good night's sleep in months and I feel like I must have eaten a pie made by an old gypsy seeking revenge.

2 comments:

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Glad you had a chance to put more of your impressions down, I do get more of a feeling that this is positive for you when every thing is on the scales.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Glad to hear an update on you.

All the best,

SB