IF YOU PROMISE THAT I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE...

...THEN I MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO WRITE DOWN!!

Am I the only one who have noticed that the ado over the Tea Bag's going to the Lincoln Memorial to do their rally strikes the same chord of sensitivities as the Islamic Community Center in New York? Sure you can make impassioned argument's over the differences or meanings but this much is clear. The parties that have stirred up the passions of people are protected by the constitution. For real. And that is that with that.

Besides, there are other things that the so-called civil right folks could be doing other things with their time, like going to the school district in Mississippi that is not allowing black children to be class president in its middle school. They can be other officers, simply not class president. I am guessing some wingnut there figured since that 'they've got a spook in the White House', we don't have to have them 'presidin'' over students in the class room.

It seems that the African American leadership could do a much better job at protecting our interests. Groups like the ADL doesn't let these kinds of slights slip pretty much anywhere in the world much less in the States. But going back to the discussion over the 'N-word', I think that as a group, we don't protect our own image. We arrived on these shores mainly as chattel, conditioned and treated in such a fashion that having pride in oneself was difficult, let alone as a victimized group.

That is where I think the so-called 'talented tenth' let the larger pool of African Americans down. Not 'let down' but succumbed to a force more powerful than their desire to improve the lot of those they left behind, the force of their own self interest in striving to assimilate and replicate the lifestyle and status they were denied.

Alveda King is high. She must be, either that or she is a huffer. Her interpretation of her Father's words and work suffer from disambiguation, the kind that marks a lot of posturing on the right and in conservative speech. Double speak. The irony of the movement to 'reclaim America' and almost any non-white participation is the America that Glen Beck and Sarah Palin would take back is an America where minorities were second class citizens. When Sen. Reid made that statement, I wonder if he meant it a broad statement, much in the way I would wonder why a woman would not vote for Hilary Clinton when she was running for President. Intellectually, you understand but on a emotional, more visceral level, it is harder to understand certain decisions.

THE. BEST. SONG. EVER

Perhaps I should make THIS song being played at any potential marriage celebration, mandatory. I have this version on a cd single as this is specific to this particular version of N.W.O. Plenty of Saturday nights were spent sitting in a dark room with the glow of a video game filled television casting light, listening to this one song on repeat in Carolina.

I would have a slight nod (similar to the one that began unconsciously when the song came on in the KMFDM music mix) and I would imagine that their was smoke swirling in clouds around me, the strands carrying the fragrance of marijuana and my more than like present bottle of Coke, some heavy, dark coloured alcoholic drink, and I would 'affect' the feel that I had from drinking, memories left over from the few times I got drunk in the service and in college.

Right now I would like to get a little 'lit', feel a buzz go through my body. I would not mind drinking alone, because I would feel less worried about over doing it and having someone 'effin' with me. People who think they 'know me' tend to get their panties in a bunch when they see me drinking, like they are suddenly charged with being my guardian or something. News flash: that position has been closed for some time now, thank you very much. What you CAN do is pass me another Heineken!!

It would not be good tonight, though. I am feeling lonely and the line between the sublime enjoyment of a 'cool amber beverage' and being a pathetic loner becomes seriously blurred.

Anywho, back to N.W.O and listening to it. This song never fails to get me juiced and I mean in an good way. Come on, am I the only person who picks up on the motivational qualities of this song?? You know, as much trouble as Al Jourgensen and the boys had with in their battles with substance abuse, I never had a problem with them as 'role models'. Prolly because there was no hypocrisy in their image and their music, unlike the rap/pop music that is the most effective hallucinogenic drug next to the television.

Sitting in a makeshift locker room, in some small club (honestly, the casinos were not that much different... only the ones in Vegas were) somewhere in Hooterville or Bumf*ck, places that were pretty much Anytown, USA, hosting a boxing card in some damp juke joint of a club or Knights of Columbus hall. I don't know how many times I have fought somewhere, amateur or pro, and not have a nice hot shower to step into, washing the sweat and fluids of the bout off. It would not make much difference to the ring bunnies anyway. Win or lose, you were pretty much a hero to everyone in the house, especially if you fought hard.

I have always fought hard.

THE MALICIOUS INTENT

A very real question in my mind is 'do I have it'? Most folks call it 'the killer instinct', and it is shown in many forms. People don't have to be outwardly ruthless to have it as much as they do what they know they have to do for them to reach their goal.

From telling someone that you can't hang out because you have to study to telling someone who is 'on third base' that they will have to be content with the 'stand up triple', that could be seen as 'ruthless' in that the pressure that is driving the dynamic of those situations blur and distort.

When I first spoke about not going to Chicago to be a part of my sister's wedding, that was the element that I wondered would capitulate and make me go. I think that in person I could make an impassioned defense of why I should not go, but as long as I am here, it would make things unnecessarily awkward. Took that right out of my hands. Nebraska, had already told me that I was going to go... would have been interesting to see how that shook out, as the rationale that I had for not going remains as valid as ever. Had I made the jump last month, then we may have our first falling out, in person, over the issue. I stil don't want to go.

It is a clear gain to sacrifice pleasure in order to avoid pain.
Arthur Schopenhauer

Artie is a smart cat... I will find out how smart in a couple of months.

WOMAN STUDIES

As much as I wrote on sexism and my approach to females, I still don't know if I was clear or not. Now that people stop by and read, I don't know if I should be writing 'term papers and reports' for my entries. After all, who really, really cares. People tell me that I am 'too serious' for them, and while I have reasons to disagree, maybe I am. Que sera... I never felt that I was 'serious' because I did not pursue my curiosities enough to justify that label.

The story that I mentioned a while ago about the young woman athelete who was told she could hope for the ability to graduate a junior college left an impression on me. I have told myself that a lot of my difficulty with cognition is due to 'my environment'. I feel that once I am in the right place and can stabilize that I will improve. I still fantsize of being like THE scholar of Metro College and earning scholarships and winning grants that could land me at super challenging public university or renowned liberal arts college... hey, if I am going to dream, may as well dream it all, right?

Many of my anxieties, my impatience is from my wanting to get started on being the person I want to be for the rest of my life. I think I am getting a better hold on my emotions and accepting things as they are.