JEER THE LIGHTS IN THE WINDOWS OF ALL SAFE AND STABLE HOMES

THE RETURN OF STIFLED FRIDAY NIGHTS

Since it is normal to feel sad and have our emotions cycle, I am not so surprised that I am feeling rather 'blah' today. Considering the movies that I watched today 'The Reader' and 'Slacker', it isn't any real surprise that I am feeling down.

'The Reader' was a very sad movie for me personally. I think that Kate Winslet played the role of Hannah perfectly and drew sympathy from me, though she had once been a prison guard at an Nazi internment camp. Avoiding spoilers for those who would like to spend two quality hours with a movie, the story with her once teenage friend as an adult (David Cross/Ralph Fiennes) was one that tore at me for reasons that were unique to my personal experiences. While the ending was predictable, it left me wondering what else happened as that world moved on. It was watching 'Slacker' that I was stunned to hear someone verbalize a life motif that I have wondered about myself and call, 'thinking at the nexus of realities'.

In 'Slacker' the cat proposed that the other paths where Dorothy and the Gang found and made their way down the yellow brick road had a reality all to themselves that exists for them despite their choice of another path. As he spoke to the cab driver, he was oblivious to his indifference. That was a microcosm of what I feel sometimes when I talk about tangential stuff to support a main idea or I take an unpopular view (as I did dissin' the sister hood in my entry that included my thoughts on the film 'Precious') on a particular subject. Or, it could be something that whoever I am with simply doesn't want to hear or talk about.

That is prolly a big part of why I am out here now. I mean, I do have a laptop and going full 'Doogie Howser' floats through my mind every now and again, but I have not a problem admitting that I want to be heard by someone and my purpose for keeping my journal online has evolved. So we will see.

For instance Nebraska has to wonder what kind of entries I will be making concerning our relationship and I don't know what I will say about 'us'. After all, who is going to want to sit and watch movies 'Rashomon', 'Flags of...' and 'Letters To...' or joints like 'Transiberian', indie films like 'The Wackness' or 'Brief Interviews With Hideous Men' with me? Not 'all' but perhaps a couple and I'd let them pick... not two? Then maybe one and I promise not to go into a discussion of the merits and the message of the film?? And please, lets not get started with discussions on current events... cultural, social and political?

'Slacker' was an hit on the art house circuit years ago but I never saw it. Finding it at the library I went ahead and picked it up. Took a second to get into it but for me it was worth watching the film and how it evolved. But I couldn't imagine anyone being willing to sit through such an unorthodox film or understand why I
want for Austin, Texas and burnt orange! I do trust her a great deal, otherwise I'd have not went out to Chicago to meet with her (uh, do you really think I could have trusted my sister? I don't and I know why I couldn't have!!) when I did. She sent me the application for housing and I mailed it back. That took a lot of stress off my mind and maybe I will stop staring longingly at vacancies here (but dag, if I ride past the one I saw in Dearborn and it is still on the lawn, I will prolly pop!!) and start getting things together so I will be ready for the 28th.

THE SERIES FINALE IS ON THE ROAD

In Sun Tzu's treatise 'The Art of War', death ground describes a condition where you place your troops in a situation so perilous that they must either win or die. I have had that attitude in my mind whenever I stopped and launched myself into the blue with the expectation of soaring into the skies and beyond as high as I possibly could go. There have been times when the thought entered my mind that maybe this IS it and there isn't anymore ... but I just don't KNOW that yet, so I have to take one more leap off the cliff, to find out, don't I?

About the indecisiveness I have been going through, another Sun Tzu quote, "If you fix your eyes upon details and neglect important things, you spirit will become bewildered and victory will escape you." That is something that I have been guilty of. Thinking about the things that I know that I don't know or have any real control over. Saying that to say that I am going to treat the doubts that I have like the impostors they are and put my boots on the ground in Omaha. And if I have indeed miscalculated then my readiness is going to have to win the day, for I have accounted for all the things that could go wrong and I won't be swept away should 'wrong' occur.

When I consider starting a life in a place I have never been (but it would be neat if I ran into that kid from Nebraska that I boxed years ago!) but felt 'called' to, I feel as if I was 17 again ready to start my life with pockets filled with stars and those stars spilling out and trailing behind me as I walk to my jump pad. No, I am not as fit as I once was and things could be a little bit tighter but enough talk. The 28th will be here before I know it and since it is GOING to come, I better be ready for its arrival!!