HEAVY WORDS ARE SO LIGHTLY THROWN...
I don't know what to say at this moment because there is such a clash of emotions in my mind, the shadow cast by my disappointment long. For the first time in recent memory (I won't say 'ever' because I don't want to make this too melodramatic... like over analysis, it tends to paralyze people in moments) there is a bitter taste in the back of my throat. What left it..?
On Facebook, Beth from Nutwood Junction, posted a story on the process of how letters get into the hands of President Obama. The featured letter was from Jenny Cline of Monroe, Michigan. Her story was sad but she didn't write it to vent frustration. After all she had to deal with she remained hopeful and her spirit unbroken.
With everything that seemed to come at her all at once, I had to wonder if there were ever a time when the gnarled and worn fingers of despair clutched at her heart? The two dimensions of the story doesn't give me enough information and I want to ask her, "How did you remain so brave and hopeful?" It is less a case of my not knowing 'how' to as it is trying to find the motivation to do so. Inertia is going to move me along but if I can contribute to the process I can...
...NOW YOU'VE MADE ME FEEL SO ASHAMED...
I don't know what happened to my expectations or if I really had any expectations at all? Saying that 'mistakes were made' rings hollow as well, so that doesn't excuse anything. Stakes were high.
Another retreat to an uncomfortable fall back position. Too bad I can't appeal to the UN for assistance! Replaying certain events over and again in my mind is wasteful because nothing ever changes. Did I mention that I do feel bitter?
For sure I will get over this and get back to getting... only this time I really don't know where I will be going, big picture. I know I would like to believe that I am going to head off somewhere but there is doubt.
4 comments:
that was a touching letter of Jennifer's, Mark; and an interesting article about White House mail. I'm betting she is remaining hopeful because what other choice does she have? To despair would be counterproductive; I'm sure she's trying to do the best she can with what she has especially because of her young family. But I'm sure she has her moments when she wonders why her. Unfortunately, it is life and unfortunately, sadly, she's not the only one going through such hard circumstances these days.
I do hope you start feeling a bit better and less bitter. and as you know, bitterness can be so self defeating. I hope with the spring and the warmer temps, you can start putting together some plans for what you want to do for your next season of life
sending you a cyberhug
betty
I once heard something about love and life - sometimes what you need or who you need is struggling to get there; just as you're struggling.
In short things are trying to right themselves and whoever you need is trying to find their way too. If you stop believing, stop watching for what is to come...this thing or person you need might accidentally pass you by, not knowing...
Life is what it is dear friend. The paths we follow don't always converge the way we want them to. I honestly have to believe there is some kind of balance to it all.
I've lived the hard and cruel, now I'm trying to live a more compassionate, empathic life. Even now, I still have periods where the ugly convenes. Breathe...If you need to keep your head low for awhile that's OK too. Just know YOU are not alone. (Hugs)Indigo
It takes courage, strength and discipline to be a fighter. Mostly courage. I can't imagine the balls it must take to step into the ring knowing you're going up against another trained fighter - knowing you're more than likely going to be hurt - physically hurt - pursuing your chosen Art. You don't need to look to others for inspiration - you just need to look inside yourself. You have all the ingredients inside - strength, courage and discipline - that you need to get through the things you're dealing with.
You are, after all, still a fighter.
Your biggest opponent is you, so find that center again and do what you need to do. No Regrets.
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