CONTRADICTIONS

... but first, a word from our newest sponsor, Self-Pity!

State had been living on the precipice lately, winning their previous to last night games on last second shots. Was not to be at Wisconsin (it's a party state!). The good guys lost badly. Sometimes there is just more to being successful than a whole bunch of want to and determination...

...or so it seems.

I GOT THE MESSAGE

I don't know if anyone has 20 minutes to spare, but this film that I watched gave me a good shake. I found it over at Louceel's place, and it made me acknowledge the things that right now, I don't want to admit to. I don't want to face the struggles that I am facing internally. I don't want to deal with the problems I have externally.

But as the ringmaster tells the newest additon to his circus, that his 'greater struggle' will be to his advantage because it would be a greater glory to overcome it, part of me doesn't want to respond to that kind of talk. One of the agencies that I am hoping will work with me to find a job, requested a copy of the assessment that was submitted on my behalf for my determination hearing. Other than the inescapable glances at it as I have moved it to and fro, I haven't looked at it. The words that I do catch are enough... the rest of it I live.

I do believe that in this matter it is okay for me not to know. Because then I would end up like the cat in the film, who was angry and bitter at what life saw him as. It wasn't until someone saw him differently and he began to believe differently about himself that he was able to find the good within himself.

I am lucky... fortunate... blessed. Whatever it is you want to call it. As bad as I am feeling, I still can't forget the opportunities that I have had in my life (which leads me to believe there are more yet to come!). And for all the crap I have taken (as well as dished!) that there are people who care about me.

Still going to feel a down for a time. Can't rush that. I am going to find a way to continue moving forward. Watch the film and tell me what you think of it, promise??