PRELUDE: EVIDENCE OF LIFE
I am not 'trying' to be down. It is more like the internal collapse of an artery from the pressure of the surrounding tissue. The pressure inside of it can't keep it open so it begins to narrow. But it hasn't closed yet, and this is proof of it.
Watching the story about the World Economic Forum on '60 Minutes' last night engaged my 'conspiracy theory' engines. The idea that there is a thin layer of rich and powerful people meeting in total and absolute secret making the decisions that shape the world we live in, for me is dismaying. I vaguely recall hearing about the meetings of the World Economic Forum and its impact on the world. The stories that they shared about how North and South Korea met at one such summit and where De Klerk and Mandlea was able to have discussions without prying eyes.
Listening to the Google guy, I don't have to wonder if there are those who 'sit above in shadow'. As much as I disagree with Glen Beck, can you really dismiss his seemingly wild assertions? If you didn't know about the Forum and who meets there, can you simply in good conscious blow off someone who talks about the Illuminati as simply being a nut? The true purpose of the U.N., the European Common Market (yeah, I know it is the E.U., I still think of it as the more argued about Common Market, and gee, why did the clamor die down from that..?) the Council on Foreign Relations and any of the other mythical groups of men who move the social levers of the world?
Like the greatest trick of Satan, the magic of the true ruling class is in its ability to conceal itself from existing before our very eyes. I no longer question that there isn't a meeting of a 'Bilderberg Group'. Why shouldn't there be such a meeting that shapes the destiny of billions with their whims??
Don't even get me started about Iran and what is next or how much the military resembles forces in Heilein's 'Starship Troopers'. Or how the book predicted the rise of the Chinese or Time Magazine's call for the 'Asian Century' in the mid 80's to supplant America's dominance in economics and commerce.
I just wanted y'all to know that I am not sitting here simply feeling like the family pet left to fend for itself as the flood approaches. Or that I am not really reading and considering your comments.
Loneliness has been on my mind lately. Since I incorporate so much into how I observe things into what simply makes sense for me, I can't go back to what I felt about Kurt Cobain and how I see where having people around him only intensified the parts of his soul that didn't suffer erosion from all the rain and heroin in the Pacific Northwest (the Army Twin is going to Ft. Lewis next... but that is a great duty station), and only made things worse for him.
A matter of semantics has kept 'being alone' seperate from lonlieness in my mind. Being alone, I can keep the static out of my head, and act removed from what I call 'the ceaseless spinnings of man'. I never thought of myself as 'lonely' in my times of solitiude. I couldn't explain why I never found a tight cirlce of friends or why the ties between me and my younger sibs would become frayed as they have become or account for the distance between me and my family in general.
One of the reasons that I made the distiction between 'alone' and 'lonely' is the difference I would feel from not wanting company. From helping with Trig home work or picking up a shift at the burger stand or showing up when someone lost a loved one, I didn't mind. And guess what... I am not going to hold it against you or look for you to be there to have my back.
I don't want anyone to take offense or anything by my saying this. This isn't to say that I think that of 'you' (whom I hope to talk to soon!!) out there who are kind enough to read and leave comments. But back in the analog days when you kept your innermost secrets scribbled away underneath your mattress or stuffed in the back of the closet with your outgrown clothes, you never expected to share that book with anyone. If anything, you would write what you had confirmed about life as you knew it and on the inferencing you made of your own surroundings.
That is what is going on here. And one of the lingering issues of mine is linked to loneliness and moving at the speed, the time, of the rest of the world. A lot of art and creativity has occurred in the depths of loneliness. I have understood that a lot of inspiration comes from people being alone and feeling isolated. For me, I don't think was how it is supposed to be.
Being alone has always been when I have done my best of anything. And even as I realized that about a million years ago, I haven't insisted on making 'it' happen. That is why Liz Lee gets to use the signature 'Love & Rockets' on television show and why when I meet a new person, they will think that I borrowed it from Liz. Whatever there is for me to have created and used that device with, I have let languish.
When I talk to 'you', I will get more into the 'originality' of my ideas.
NEXT: The Affairs of Men
3 comments:
I think that your distinction between being alone and being lonely is very important. I have always been more of a loner, content to do my thing my way. Having one or two people really close is about all I have ever been content with. More than that is a waste for me. Hope you continue to find that spot that works for you, whether alone or not.
I can count on the fingers of one hand, the number of people who I have felt close to in my life. Other than my wife, of course. I think I understand the difference between 'alone' and 'lonely' - I, too, do my best 'stuff' (writing or painting, or whatever) when I am alone and undistracted. When I am 'in' myself. And I relish that ability to get 'in' and find stuff in there that I can share with those around me - that there are actually people around me who are ready, willing and able to enjoy those things I find in there. But they still aren't 'close'. Few are. And that's okay.
I think when we are true to the expression of our feelings that arise in the Moment, then we truly do not feel alone but connected because the feelings are coming from our environment and those that are within it. The static that so many people have in their minds that keep them spinning is from feelings that they are afraid to face and to feel fully, where they are then free to let go of.
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