THINKS THE SQUARE ROOT OF FOUR IS RAINBOWS*
Some days are harder for me than others. Wanted to go to the Workforce Connection or Commission place to see about getting some help in finding a job. At first, I figured I would hop on Trixie and scoot over to where I need to go.
The only road I am familiar with other than the one we live on, is Route 1, Richmond Highway. Oh, and lets not forget the lack of sidewalks in the immediate vicinity and that trends into why I didn't make it out today. I am sure that it isn't like that all over town, but I can't be sure because ...
... I don't go out. The gym is prolly a mile away and a straight shot. Feel pretty confident doing that. But going beyond the spot where I go to get a haircut is pretty dicey for me. Each day I try to tell myself to simply get out and get lost somewhere and then find my way back. And each day I find myself saying, 'Who are YOU kidding? For REAL, not for play.
When I think about my new environment, I can't help but think of the feelings I held about the area before I arrived. It isn't 'cute' thinking about being in the Metroplex because along with the ATL, it isn't a place I would have wanted to come back too, if it could be helped.
So, can it be? And if not, then ..?
BLIND AS A BAT
So its time for ME. I know this will piss some people off. But in all the years I gave to my family, I deserve to have some time to myself now. I sacrificed alot. No...no one made me. I gave it willingly and with lots of love, and I gave it everything I had. And I think I did a pretty good job. so now I need to turn some of that attention on myself.
That should have been something engraved in my mind. I got that from another journal, and that is part of what made up what I call 'the other 47%' of what went into my decision to come here.
I talk about my misteps and as Moz would plead, "Don't rake up my mistakes, I know exactly what they are". No, I haven't been anyone's huckleberry and never laid claim to being one. If the results of my choices brought me to this state, then it is what it is. No worries here.
Part of what made me snag that bit is not only did it define for me the mood of her post, but it also captured what I think is part of the essence of what is in my thoughts right now. I have felt like I was living those words at several times over my life and it is something that I have passed on taking definitive action on and it has been to my detriment. "Sick down to my heart, but that's just the way it goes."
Maybe UA will get their chance to play in a Rose Bowl this season. Winning out will be quite a task, playing the Ducks of Oregon, instate rival ASU and USC on the road. It could be done, but the Magic 8 Ball says 'highly unlikely'.
I am telling myself to 'bear down' and keep on moving forward. Yeah, tomorrow I will get out of the house and get to where I am going. Got everything printed out and I know where to stand and all that mess.
Like Beth, some of this isn't going to be popular. And maybe the times I should have sacrificed I didn't and the times that I did, maybe I shouldn't have.
Since those words have acted like acetone in my heart and mind, I think I will be hovering around them for a bit.