Thursday, June 25, 2009

THE BIRTH AND DEATH OF THE DAY

Of all the fan videos of this song, several of them very good pieces of film making, this is my personal favourite. It takes me back to a place and a time that I have never had, but knew was going to happen.

It is just as I thought it would be ... back in my angsty teen age years when kids from my high school were getting caught up at Northland Mall by hard cases from Cooley High. "That stuff happens to other people, but it doesn't happen to me!!" And like the crew of the Enterprise, I would go off, boldly!

Right now, I don't know what to think. Told the SFC (that sounds more appropriate, so there you go!!) that I am going to be so nervous. But I will fake it until I can make it!!

All of this happened so fast. In the beginning of May, I made my trip to go to Nebraska, to get started on what I had to get started on. I was sure that I was going to set my mark to get there. Then near the end of the month, when I was running yet another 'check', to make sure that this was being done in the order I needed to do it, I got chewed out.

I had been asking my friend, of whom I was putting blind faith in, if how I was sequencing my trip was fine to her. It was going to be a short trip, because I was going to go there, to ostensibly build a new life. Yet again. Alone.

This has taken a lot out of me. There is a Far Side panel, with a dog on a riding a unicycle on the high wire as he juggled ... the caption read, "Rex was an old dog, but this was a new trick!" I thought it spoke to the problem of being an 'old dog' isn't of being 'old', but the other issues of experience that comes with being old. You don't think that I haven't asked myself many, many, times if I wasn't too old for this kind of stuff? Even when I would break down, and say 'yes, challenged boy, you are too old for this kind of stuff', I could still see a flicker of light ... hope, is that you?

So I asked for yet another turn.
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I can't really say what has had ME worried about going west. I mean, I was determined to do it anyway. It was a four day trip, and that seemed like it would be enough time, especially since I was going to come back in a few short months to live out there. You know what I thought was one of the issues? That I was REALLY going to do this! I mean, I am experiencing a version of what Nebraska may have been feeling ...impatience at FINALLY being able to have this person around, who once had been a dot on the horizon. That someone who wanted to be something to her, had made the big move, taken the plunge off the cliff, to essentially be with her.

That is what I think. But 'privacy laws' prevents me from saying much more. I will say that when someone puts so much in your hands, you have to be careful how you handle it. That is why Beth didn't know if I was antsy, because you NEVER show panic. NEVER. That is something that I know I have in me. I would tell people that I was 'pressure proof'. A fictional character, Andy Dufrense symbolizes how I go about being put in situations.

What ever it would have taken for me to settle out somewhere, ANYWHERE, I know how to 'behave like a fighter', and accomplish what I am setting out to get done. The one thing I could have asked her, Nebraska, is has she ever been cliff diving?

My answer for her? No, she hasn't. Don't matter why she hasn't, it only matters that I think that SHE HASN'T. To me, that is what kept showing in her.
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In catching up with the SFC, we have found so many similiarites that we have between us, things that you would have thought we knew, but never did. Our bond was instant, so some of the things that act as the spackle to keep things together, we never discussed. That we both were kids fresh out of high school who came to the conclusion that a career in the military would be the best thing for us, of course, is a big sign. But there are millions of cats in OD green who thought that.

What made us unique, is that we found each other.

She is even MORE of a 'yes you can', ultra positive person than I am. I love how she rationalizes things, and the way that she thinks. Of course, I love that she is going to give us this chance as well.

I rememeber the order of the conversation that led to her sending for me. There was the 'yadda, yadda' talk, then came the 'what are you doing?'. This is the first week of June, June 8th in fact. I know because that is when we did our 'pinky promise' and changed our Facebook status. I call it a 'pinky promise', because prior to being asked, I had thought of that as something that was non binding, yet meant a heck of a lot to the people who were involved.

Now, my 'status' actually meant something to me. And to her.
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The sun rises in the east ... and it sets in the west. Everything that happens in between is like the dash between the dates, and all that really matters.

It has been a long and winding road to get here ... and yes Patricia, we still have a longer road to go. The important thing is, I am going to take my destiny in my hands, and find out what I am going to make of the wonderful opportunity I have been given.

7 comments:

Beth said...

Okay, now you made me cry a little bit. But in a good way. {{hugs}}

a corgi said...

I'm glad you wrote this, Mark; it helped put some of the last month's events into a proper sequence for me to understand; again safe traveling and ENJOY!

betty

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Pinky Promise, wonder if that is a generational thing. I remember making pinky promises as a kid, wonder if they still do that :o)

miss alaineus said...

i make kids pinky swear important stuff all the time and they usually honor it.....


have a safe journey making the first steps towards the next part of your life.


xxalainaxx

Cathy said...

You're right, it IS unique that you met at all, but there you go - life handing us such treasures, so many opportunities to be awed. Your determined attitude sounds fierce and impressive. Btw, I know you realize the sun doesn't rise and set lol but I was thinking - shouldn't schools by now be teaching kids the basics of our galaxy - it's been awhile since man thought the sun moved around us. Still, the old myths are so lovely...

Joann said...

NOW I understand stuff you USED to write about.... when I was reading it, I was SO CONFUSED!!! LOL!!

Very happy for you, friend!!

Myra said...

Awww, love this post! You deserve to be happy...everyone does. Can't wait to hear more!