Thursday, May 7, 2009



Today's video is by a young lady that I know as Haleybop. I like her music, and hope that she gets a break, even if it means she gets 'tarted up' and polished and shined and marketed to whatever genre she appeals to.

It would be great to do the 'I knew you when ...' no matter how sell out she becomes. Seeing her in this 'rough' form, is exciting.

Today, I am feeling what I feel. This week was supposed to be my first week of my six week training cycle. Got out of sync, and have been 'off' all week. Before I 'go wherever it is I am going', I sorta felt that this song played well with this week's discussion, 'The Four Way Path', which in reality is an 'either/or' proposition.

Some women are trapped by myths and fables ... they are still bound by them and that is a change that is occuring much slower than other social changes. As soon as women get over themselves, they will do better.

i think the world would be a much more interesting place if more chicks just acted out on their 'bad' side rather then finding a 'bad boy' to live vicariously through.just my two cents.

Alaina left this comment the other day. I think that she is correct. What allows me to 'live through others' isn't that I haven't done or envisioned something, but that I have taken my stab at the brass ring. Good to see and hear that others have too, and that is why I am happy for people who find whatever they are looking for, or that they believe they have.


A 'Jody call' is what the cadence calls are known as in the service, at least when I was there. 'Jody' is the symbol for the cat that is back on the block, lounging (underneath the blanket of freedom that you are providing!!), chilling with a brew, and dating YOUR GIRL, all the while you are defending national interests halfway around the world.

One of the reasons that girls are so confounding... Women who are emotionally still girls, even more so. Haley realised at the end of the song, what was actually going on, but I always wonder if women ever admit deep down to themselves what they allowed to come into their lives.

See, you can't say you are looking for 'this' and then go for 'that' (coming soon ... why they aren't related ... finally, I PROMISE!!) I don't remember overhearing too many fellas saying, "I know, I know, Julie is in the drug squad (obscure reference there!!), and she sleeps with all of you guys when I am at work, but that is fine. I love her as much as ever anyway!!"

Women do stupid stuff like that. They can see the home monitoring unit on a cat's ankle, and they are drawn to them like a moth to a light. Why can't they resist him? When he does what cats like that do, and again, recidivist isn't just a word to take up space ... it MEANS something, they are surprised.

If something like that has worked out for you, fine. Hell, I am hoping that I CAN work out for someone myself. I am not fooling anyone. But women 'fool themselves' all the time. Like AKA.


I work at remaining positive. I am willing to make my life happen, and if it isn't happening in one place, I have been willing to find a place to where I think it can.

When I first met AKA, the circumstances were 'sketchy' ... I sensed her but didn't really feel her. But we went forward and begin a relationship. In the 'Movie Of This Week' (cause I don't watch movies every week), the way that Frank and Laurel's relationship developed, is how I envision my next relationship developing. I like how that works ... be vunerable, take the first step. THEN be the first to take the big leap, whether it is telling someone that deep dark secret that makes one insecure.

With AKA, I got mixed signals from her. I think like Alaina advises, that it is possible for women to keep their 'pet' around for whatever reason. I simply thought she was slumming around, nothing more and nothing less. I can't say that I was actually 'down' with the idea, but I was like what the hey, why not? We can at least get to be 'friends', because I was removed from playing 'kissin' cousins' with folks.


Because I can really enjoy the 'relationship' part of being with people, we would hang out, doing 'stuff'. She enjoyed herself, and I don't think 'the babies' minded her hanging around either. She has met nearly everyone that anyone here in Detroit would need to meet in the becoming a part of my life. I have met important influences in her life as well.

My problem with her, is what she said at the start of us getting to know one another. She said something that 'hangs' in the air, which is why once you say something that is 'deathless', that is what it is.

It isn't like I know what is 'deathless'. It is a very subjective thing, and I know it when I hear it. She said some stuff that she hasn't been able to come back from. The irony of it is, that if I were to hear it again, from someone else, I could deal. Still wouldn't like it, and would prolly discourage me from pursuing that person, but I may still take a run at them.

But for the FIRST ONE ... there IS a reason that it was set up as a warning in the first place.


She doesn't have to say it. She has shown it. Me and me BFF suspected it back in the day. Sure, while I was with the Mook's, I was on those 'send to all' emails, so I never thought she really thought about me like that. After I got settled in country, I gave her a call.

When we got together, we did our 'where you've been, what you've been doing' for the past 5 almost 6 years. Then she asked 'why wasn't she picked'? I have to admit to being a little surprised. I may have suspected that she cared that deep for me, but my issue with her, along with her not being honest with herself and that SHE HAS ISSUES, kept me from making a 'close' with her.

Like with Tee Jay, I have told her that I AM GOING TO NEBRASKA. And since the people who know me, my peeps and Hutch, knows how I am, she can never say that she got 'caught off guard'. Not only that, some of her issues clash DIRECTLY with my issues.


I am a little broken, but I expect to be stronger at the mended places. Part of my OCD (uh, not that it should surprise reg'lar readers, right?), is that I like a sense of order. When I have 'less than good days', I immediately think about how things 'aren't how they should be', that the dishes aren't washed and put away in a certain fashion, or my living space isn't how it should be ... my day to day doesn't 'fit'.

That hoarding thing she has going on ... not only isn't it healthy as a rule, it would cause me to LOSE MY MIND FOR REAL. Just like the 'collateral stressors' that black men put on sister girls that relate directly to their health issues, that crap in her life, her character, would impact directly on mine.

And I don't even believe I am supposed to be 'that' for her. I am having my trouble staying afloat myself. Nope, like Chuck Noland had to let go of 'Wilson' in Castaway, I will have to let go of AKA and let her float off into her great unknown.

She knows this. I have told her.



Beth said...

All I can think of now is Tom Hanks yelling "Wiiiiilsonnnn!" I found that part of the movie quite sad...but he finally had to face that Wilson was merely his talisman, and the real mojo was inside himself. So I guess that's a pretty good analogy for you! :)

Arriel said...

WNAA? Doesn't sound familiar to you by chance know what the numbers are? lol... I know thats terrible that I have been here in NC for 7 years, and have no idea what the stations are called, however I am constantly pressing the scan button on the radio! I don't know!

Arriel said...

lol ok so I asked around and no one knew what i was talking about, so I am going to assume it is safe to say there is no long a WNAA radio station! sorry!