Monday, May 4, 2009

WHICH PATH WILL YOU CHOOSE?

BEFORE WE GET STARTED ...

Man, Sage Steele is rockin' this salmon coloured blouse and black slacks, looking every bit the role of my unattainable fantasy woman!!

She NEVER would have spoken to me in high school. I don't think she would have paid me no never mind in college either. But if someone would have dared me, I would have taken a run at her. Hey, that is what I do!

Tonight, on 'How I Met Your Mother', Barney Stillson reaches a milestone of knocking off 200 women. I laughed at the commercial when it ran on 'The Amazing Race', watching it with AKA. She couldn't (or didn't want to) see the humour in it, but for me it meant ... aw, I am STILL not telling!

Changing up my workout patterns. Going to run in the afternoon during the week and the mornings on the weekends. I think that I am going to go on and buy a new bike ... this one has too much bad juju for me ...

AT THE CENTER OF THE CROSSROADS ...

... a nice, crisp $100 dollar bill. The question is, who will be the first down their path to reach the money?

At one path is Santa Claus. Don't think he needs a formal introduction. Neither does the character at the start of another path, the Easter bunny. Now the other two characters ... well, they do need a little more detail.

One is the ultimate male partner for a heterosexual relationship. This guy is able to rock out to some Pantera after a corporate board meeting, or swoop you up in his Cristal loaded Hummer, to take you to the Jay Z concert and later cruise on his yacht, when he isn't off starring for an NBA team or performing brain surgery.

He is loving and thoughtful, and has a sentimental streak a mile wide. He adores you, doesn't mind your girls night out, and has not an issue with you and your other male friends. He has the most elegant Marquis cut ring to propose to you with, after he wins his back to back NBA titles to cap off his league leading scoring and MVP titles.

... and then, there is THIS guy.

BEHIND DOOR NUMBER FOUR

Looking like K-Fed, with as much street cred as Vanilla Ice, tossing back a forty is this high school, vocational school, charm school, and any other kind of school dropout. He has slept with a friend of yours, and is uncomfortably chummy with your younger sister. He hasn't held a decent job since the Bush Presidency (I mean, the FIRST BUSH presidency, as a cart rustler/stock boy at the grocery store). He primarily spends his days playing X-Box with his friends, and still thinks that his 'mad skillz' weren't appreciated on his high school JV team, and that if he could get a shot at an NBA camp, he could be the next Kobe.

Not to mention that he is a chauvanist, as he waits on your paycheck to fund his beer/weed jones. This is the kind of guy that has dominated the scene of women's lives for years, until they are bitter towards all the lost time spent in a relationship with him. Ovaries are shutting down, boobs are sagging, and damn, when did 38 get here? kind of time has been used up.

THE QUESTION

Which one of these people will get to the $100 dollar bill first? For a kick, lets put a female ... one that I know, say Tee Jay, or Mookie, perhaps my ex wife will be able to choose the path to the one of these four guys that is going to get to the money first. So, which of these guys will make the couple that can go have a nice dinner with the money at the center of the cross roads?

3 comments:

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Have to admit, you have me a bit confused with this one. I am thinking that the real one is more likely to be the second one, and that one can improve, while the first one can only fall.

miss alaineus said...

door number four is rich. he already bought a couple of oz of weed with the $100 on credit so don't plan on going to dinner with him anytime soon if you are are chick, unless your idea of dinner is a 2 liter of mountain dew and a big back of ranch doritos.

xxalainaxx

a corgi said...

the obvious answer is the rich guy, but I'm thinking it is probably the guy behind door #4

betty