I am going to talk about the operational mobility and scope of my efforts to move to Nebraska.
You couldn't imagine the intensity with which I have been trying to live with in my mind for the past year. It would not matter much to me, what anyone has thought I was doing. I always KNEW, and that is one of the reasons that I questioned whether or not to tell Nebraska that I had made a plane & hotel reservations for October.
It isn't as if this isn't going to be complicated enough for me. Not to mention that 'added' complications whose value to me and MY LIFE is not immediately known are not considered 'my friends'. I don't invite hassle to my life, life will hassle me enough as it is, dontcha know!
If Nebraska has any plans for me, then when I was ASKING HER TO WEIGH IN on how I should execute my move, she should HAVE SAID SOMETHING THEN. It would not have meant to me, at least, that she was wanting me to get there so she can see if there was more to 'us' than not.
Indy left a comment the other day where she seem to want for me to push onward of my own volition, that is to say, to do what I think I need to in order to get to where I want to be. And it is a question that I had been turning over, because if I want to get there before the close of the year, then I will need help for sure.
BUT ... since I want to move for me, and not because I think there is a strong chance (because there is always a chance we can fall in love with each other ... there is still a chance in the next 4 weeks Tee Jay will come around ... and then there is a chance that pigs will fly out of my rear, and I will have free bacon for the rest of my life!!), that we will be a couple, I have been giving myself the time I feel I need to make things happen for me.
Wasn't entirely sold on making the reservations, but I did anyway ... because the anxiety had built to such a point where the line between patience and exuberance were blurred. So that is a good time to go on with what I wanted to do ... it is when there is a distinction, and you tell yourself that 'I knew it was too soon/too late' that you scrub the idea of action, for the sake of doing something.
By getting the reservations set and the goals adjusted (all well within the scope of my mission!!), I felt relaxed, and it had been a couple of months since I felt this chill. And because it was AKA who helped me get things going, it changed the parameters of our relationship (sorry, no details there ... move along, people!).
SEE, THIS IS WHY YOU CAN EITHER DO THIS OR YOU CAN DO THAT
I have made a habit of writing to Nebraska on Monday's, from the time we left each other in Chicago. I have tried several times to stop, but gee ... anywho, I wrote her either this week, or the week before, and I added that I had called the folks she referred me to and that they hadn't gotten back in touch with me. That is why when Indy said she had a mind to tell me essentially, 'do it they way you do this', and reading about how Ken and Beth are getting his folks settled, I put the two together.
First, following along the changes in the 'Junction', I looked at it as the extension of one's heart, one's love for someone else. You could see it all around, from the parents trusting K & B to find a suitable place, and I knew that they were thinking long and hard in the Junction, because there were struggles with what would be best, not for them, but for their parents.
I think that since Nebraska has seen my scribblings for such a long time, I'd say 9 years or so, she has a pretty good idea of what kind of cat I am. She also knows how deep that I feel towards her, as my feelings are AT LEAST as strong as they were when we first became friends. You can only ever know so much about a person, especially when you are keeping some of yourself back from them. But I will say that I think she knows me well enough to make the same kind of choices that Ken and Beth are making ...
... because just as their parents trust them in the process, there is part of this thingy where I have to flat out trust her and her decisions. SHE feels that Nebraska, the state, is a good fit for me. It was already 'told' to me that Nebraska would be a good place to live ... a good place for a cat like me.
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
Yet, there are some things that I 'know', things that no matter how much you think is being covered by someone else, you'd do well to check yourself and make certain that they get done.
If she had a 'timetable', for whatever reason, she should have said so WHEN I GAVE HER THE OPTION TO SET ONE UP. I would have let her set my 'marks' and did my best to achieve them without making a sacrifice to the ends. She didn't, and so, I got a phone call from one of the agencies she set me up to work with on last Friday. Hmm ... coincidence, that a few days after I told her no one had gotten back with me that someone calls?
I don't know what she knows ... someone who is part of the agency or what. It isn't lost on me that I did what I was supposed to do, followed her advice and called the folks I was supposed to call. THAT is the information that I used to set my calendar. When she heard that is what I did, and still hadn't heard from anyone, mysteriously someone finally calls my number ... hey, I don't know what I don't know.
NOT THAT I AM LOOKING A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH, BUT ...
... I am not sure if I possess the operational flexibility to change on the fly as this new development may spur me to do. I left my previous relationship this time last year, and I gave myself a total of TWO YEARS to get up and out of here. That means, if I am still journaling from Detroit in June 'twenty-ten', then like Lucy, I would have some 'splainin' to do.
I will have to sit down and do some 'cipherin' as to whether or not any of this is going to impact my planning. I am very comfortable with the time table I am working with ... in country around Feb. of '10, and I can see myself hitting yard sales as folks do their spring cleaning. It is hard not to stop at the sales cropping up, because you can always find something useful at them!!