READERS ALWAYS WRITE!!

SO WHAT IS THE MOTTO ALL ABOUT, THEN?

The Boy Scout motto, 'Be Prepared'? A good leader, is always prepared to lead or follow. I think that I have gotten some really thoughtful comments and am very appreciative of them.

My parents were equals and they both worked on shaping and defining the relationship. With my Ex I let him and that was a mistake. With my husband now, we both are working on this and it's such a wonderful experience that way!

Now, it isn't that I don't understand that is how things in a relationship would work best, but the reason these are 'General Orders' is that they are just that, general. Like you don't go walking down strange streets late at night, or you generally pull back and avoid barking dogs baring their teeth. The street may BE patrolled and you aren't in any danger. The dog may calm down, and even be tame. BUT GENERALLY, it is not good to assume anything, but act in your own best interest.

You start from somewhere, and I think that figuring out where you are, and going from there is a big part of it. And if I had these things earlier in my life, who knows? Certainly would have given me a foundation to build on and change as I grew and a potential relationship grows as well.

The both of us, my ex and I, knew better than to have gotten married. MY MOTHER told her why I wasn't ready, straight away, just as she told me why I shouldn't have gotten married. That we heard it that once, was enough. Can't say that we didn't know.

COMMENT #2

Well Mark I also grew up without the father figure and with an oppressive environment at home.My first marriage went down the drain because I had NO idea what I was supposed to be doing. And she was looking to me, I think, to not only define the present and the future, but to completely provide it, which I couldn't do. Besides, she had no respect for her father so she was already prepared to dislike me. D

Very similar, save my ex wife loved her Father.

Now I am going to speak on her for a bit. My ex is a twin, and other than steps thru her Father's subsequent 2nd marriage, that is it for siblings. It was just her and her twin brother, and he was the 'golden child', from her own stories. Seemed to her, that they doted on him, adored him and showered him with affection and adoration. He is a smart cat, and all that, but she wasn't dumb. So what happened? Why did everyone want to spoil him, and treat her like Cinderella?

If you had to ask me, it was because her Mom and Dad, came to blows while they were married. When they called it off, her brother clung to Mom and she to her Dad, who was now out of the house. I think that is where the dirt got into the gear shaft of my ex wife's relations with her Mom and her twin.

The highlighted portion of the comment, is a view I shared when I looked back on my marriage. Because she didn't view me as an equal partner, in the way that Sisters look at a Brother, even when they are 'committed' to him, there are some that won't 'buy in' to the relationship DESPITE having committed to it! It is like the dog who saw two bones ... lick one, then the other ... he went in circles and he dropped dead!

FREEDOM OF CHOICE

Had my wife chosen to be humble in our marriage, perhaps we would have enjoyed our marriage more ... might even had caught our stride and worked it out (hey, I was an optimist before I was anything ..!). See, with her being older than me, I would have listened. But she wanted to be 'this' and would treat me like 'that' and expect all of it to some how 'relate' to something tangible and permanent. (that is a fave ideal, as y'all know doubt should know ... I NEVER get tired of working that in to stuff!)

Not one to cry over spilled milk, but I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, not seeing a relationship like that in the home. It is kind of hard to get it thru osmosis, how to be a husband. The cats of single parents that 'got it', good for you, hurrah! Me, I didn't. And like I heard them say in Peru ... OOOOHHHH WWWEEEELLL!

I may never 'get it', but I have a gotten a lot closer TO getting it than ever before.

SLOGGING THRU THE START ...

...of the month. Last week actually was chippy for me, and some of that has spilled over to this week. Nothing to be alarmed for, but enough to be noted. That is why I am off my queue, posting in the WAY early mornings, because I can't get any sleep. The reasons why will come out in the wash. Perhaps.