THIRD RAIL CONVERSATION

... more fun than a barrel of worms

Many times, when someone says something that bothers us, it is indeed because it may be true. But it is the manner in which they say the truth, that bothers us.

Lots of times, I have that in mind when people call themselves giving me sincere, hard advice. Folks like to think they are 'keeping it real'. What they are really 'keeping' is the proverbial log in their own eye.

Both Mookie and AKA are recent examples of this. What I see, I realize is what I alone see. For them to want to know these things about themselves, they must first want to find answers. Without wanting to 'know', all I can do is steer as best as I can. If they are riding down stream and there are rapids ahead, what can I do to help them? I mean, it isn't like I have been sailing smoothly myself. Perhaps what I think is part of their problem, isn't a 'problem' per se, only something that develops when I am around.

So I leave them to their own devices. You can't advise when someone can counter your advice with a 'But you did ...' and all you can do is stammer. You know your why. You DON'T know theirs. People can't but help but speak from their own experience, their own presumptions.

For instance, improving one's condition is a simple thing ... FOR ME. Listening to people complain about various aliments and aches ... longing to be a 'this' size instead of a 'that' one, I have to consider more than telling them what they can do.

Though I don't like listening to such talk, I do and keep a civil tongue. Because often, people take offense to something that speaks about them personally, especially if it reflects poorly on their character. So I generally wait until someone asks me, and then I give them basic advice, always with the offer of help and further instruction, IF THEY WANT IT.

TODAY, I WENT TO CHURCH

See in my world, when you have questions, you go find the answers. I have never hidden that I think on a spiritual, astral plane. That me, not saying it is right or wrong. What it is to say is that I am committed to it being a part of my 'why' as I live.

The reason this is a 'third rail' conversation, is because similarly to the third rail on subway tracks, not being careful and touching it, can get you hurt. Bad. Let the things that took me down the street, take me there. It is only something in YOUR PERCEPTION. To whom it matters to, me, it is the one thing that it needs to be.

Another 'live' wire is politics. I have said what President-elect Obama's victory meant to me. I am not going to go into how I came to my conclusion, because I am sure your assumption, will be wrong. I feel bad, letting that seep into my conversation, because here it is, five days later, and I am still in a situation that I would rather not be in. So, as important as politics is, there is NO SUBSTITUTION for taking care of everything in your own pay grade. If the worst thing that can be said about you, is that you live within your 'inner Nigel' (he's a nice bloke, he loves to speak and he loves to be spoken to!) and be 'happy in your work', how bad is that?

Finally, sex can be a sketchy topic for general discussion. Not just the act, but the entire -ality of it. Either you can be respectful and deal, or you can't. You don't get to stay in someones face and talk all kind of crap about the '-ality' part, especially without the other person's consent. Who do you think you are? No really, because only one cat could speak like that, and the irony is, even though he could, he didn't.

So people need to get a grip.

FORGIVENESS IS HEALTHY

So what do you do when someone rubs you the wrong way? Touch that 'third rail'?

Listening to 'Speaking of Faith', the conversation was about forgiveness, and it was a good show. It talked about something I feel, that forgiveness doesn't include forgetting, and isn't supposed to.

When you forgive someone, you free up space in your heart and in your MIND. It takes a mental change to forgive. The benefit of forgiveness is to give the person their own self of self back to them. You can't forget, because it is forever going to be something that you keep in mind, for your own well being and protection. But the forgiveness is a gift you give yourself and the other person. They have a chance to feel better about themselves, and you are now 'free' of whatever the problem was.

The long and the short of this, is that I will forgive AKA, as I had to forgive my wife. I am going to ask for Skye's forgiveness, and I am going to simply be a better person, by making better decisions.

People talk about knowing someone who is 'toxic'. If someone is that bad for you, and you don't know how to get rid of them, forgive them.

Forgive them whatever thing they did or said, then move on. This way, you can be clear of them, because thinking about why they won't do better will end up consuming you. They get the chance to show what kind of person they are, and if they 'do what they do', then you will act appropriately, not because you are fearful, but because your experience tells you what to do.

No, this wasn't what the sermon was about. I am actually thinking about me, and what kind of pressure I put on people, particularly in trying to come back into their lives. I know I did wrong, and want to claim it, so that if we can move past it, we can.