DARKHORSES

BUT FIRST, A WORD ABOUT YESTERDAY ...

So very glad it is over. And bear with me, because it isn't that I don't care for your choice or the why of your choice, but this for me, has been personally divisive.

For many reasons. Many of them my own. So I am going to deal with them.

Whatever yesterday meant to you, it meant to you. I am going to leave it at that. What it means to me, IT WILL MEAN TO ME. It is a 'boots on the ground' kind of discussion, and even after a glass or two of merlot, there are no guarantees that I will want to even be a part of a discussion.

AKA called from her thingy in Florida. The early return from Kentucky had came in, and I couldn't bear it. McCain carried the state and held a very early lead. I decided to make like Christmas, and hope that when I woke, Santa had brought me what I asked.

Not very into the 'Law and Order' episodes that were on, and when she called, she was more a distraction. Since I had wanted her to have a nice time in Florida, I didn't want to talk to her, given that everyone else seemed to have a giddy mood. I was in a different place. When I get that way, I tend to get small, get out of everyone's way. Have your day. I am going to have the day MY WAY and to myself.

We'd hang up, but she'd call a few hours later with an electoral college update. I again restated my preference, that I wanted to make like 'Christmas Morning', because I was too nervous, and I was.

Then, when McCain conceded, she called again. So I told her.

I told her that I was aware of the mood and all, but I am in a different place. No matter the outcome, when I wake up tomorrow, I will face what I will face. What changes beyond what I can see, is just that. Earlier, I humored you, but I also told you of my intention. And I don't think I have ever spoke to you in a way that would make you think that I was 'just talking'.

The first time you called, I was glad because I hadn't heard from you in awhile, and I have indeed missed you, but I did give you my reason for doing what I was doing. So let me share some, but not nearly all of what I am feeling.

My Mother, my Best Aunt, my Brother are no longer here, and it could be said that it was well before their time. My sisters, even crappy Jan are also away from me. I feel alone, not being able to share this moment with them.

So I will be alone.

I did not want to share this with anyone, because my feelings are my feelings and I want to feel them. I will let you feel yours, and was willing to, but you kept calling me.

Hearing from you tonight means one thing, even in the immensity of the moment -- you haven't apologized.

You haven't apologized for hurting my feelings, and that was something that I told you at the start, wasn't something I took lightly. I told you earlier that I wanted you to relax, and enjoy your trip, enjoy this moment. For whatever reason, you didn't heed my request. Twice.

So now, this 'moment' you have hoped to have shared, isn't. You will take this crap memory with your memory of a historical event, with you for the rest of your life. I will remember this night as a night where someone refused to let me have the respite from the spinnings of the world that I so dearly wanted.

Why??----

I don't know what is going to happen when she comes back home, near Thanksgiving. I do have the idea that she is really, really, going to have her feelings hurt. She still wants to be coy, play the cat and mouse games with life and love. If it works for her, then fine. I am not trying to be a participant. If she was a man, doing this 'forgetful me' thing, I don't think "her woman" would look kindly on her ways.

So, should I let her off the hook?

And she STILL hasn't apologized.

This is a nice, nice seque into SD's race and how she is running.