DARKHORSES

FRICTION

The purpose of staying with the theme of 'Darkhorses', is to acknowledge the things that are going on, that I am not aware of, while I am staying busy with the things that I am. Donald Rumesfeld tried when he made his statement about the 'Things we know we don't know', to fruitlessly what I think Von Clausewitz describes as 'Friction'. You know what you want, you make a plan and you act upon it.

Meanwhile, real life is happening and your plan is only 'real' in your mind. To make it happen, is going to be about dealing with life on life's terms. There will be things that happen that go better than you hoped. There will be setbacks. There are going to be times where you are no better than when you started, and you won't be any worse than when you did.

Can't call the 'Successories' poster, only again to say that Ken over at 'Bucko's ' pokes fun at them. Sometimes you sail with the wind, sometimes against. But the constant is that you sail. You have things that are less important to you in reaching your goal, and there are things that a critically important to you. The thing is, they are ALL important.

Keep sailing.

I go back to what Russ said, not only because it is the only one that I listened to and considered (were I to list them all ... today I may take Malti up and chat a girl at the library!), but it happens to be part of a policy I have to implement.

Not thinking too much.

Because of my condition, 'thinking too much' isn't something I want to find myself doing. Some of the things about be, thanks to my therapy, I have learned is still there, and others have changed. But I am going to play the hand that I am dealt. When I say that I am ready for it, I am. Though I haven't kept a journal for most of my life, I have kept articles and things that have particular interest to me from media. I love the stuff you find in cartoons. I prolly don't like I did in my heyday (I did have one, dontcha know!), but I find myself doing that still. It is going to be a scrapbook project for me next year, getting this stuff together. Might not pick up on the socio-politcal stuff, but for sure with the comics!

This is part of why I accept what is happening to me. It was supposed to be my burden, and not anyone elses.

... and now, to reverse field!

Remembering the first fight my Dad saw of mine, I think that is where my Dad could see the kind of cat I am deep inside. And my joining the military prolly cemented it.

Recalling that fight, where he brought a couple of guys from Ford Rouge and my oldest stepbrother, I came to the chest of the cat I fought, and he looked HIS part as well. Never asked my Dad, unlike the discussions I had with my Mom, but I know he wondered a bit if I was a bit 'soft'. He knew I was different, with my playing hockey and reading as much as I did. So I didn't think he thought I was 'really' a fighter, and seeing who I was up against, I wouldn't have been surprised if he wanted to come down to the ring and bring me out of there!

What I do know, is that there was only one bell, and what all the spectators thought was going to happen, happened ... to the OTHER GUY!

Other than with myself, here and perhaps to my lady (were she around), no one else really suspects, or would expect to get what they can get if they 'pushed the right buttons', and that is a good thing. I much rather see smiles and be greeted warmly when I come around, than for people to avert their gaze, and whisper as I pass.

My being 'upbeat' isn't a coping device, but how I am. My life has taught me that if you focus and stay intent on accomplishing your main goal, good things will come. That they haven't come to me, is part of that process. I have looked up, and I have been distracted. And considering things, this is why the 'Ex List' made sense to me.

STARS ... LIKE GRAINS OF SAND IN MY POCKET

There was another story in the anthology I found that in, written by authoress J. California Cooper, and I think it was "The Life You Live (May Not Be Your Own)". In that story, a line that I kept went like this: "You have to watch life or else you won't know what to do with the life you're with!"

So the idea of 'going back to go forward' came to me, because for the first time, I was hung up over someone. I felt that I had walked my rounds in to my target, going from My Delta Girl, to dealing with Pecan Sandie (Nixxie and I were always and ever 'friends') to finally Tee Jay. And I stayed 'caught' on her.

Though the notion of trying to 'win her back' violated a core belief of mine, I could develop a 'work around' where I stop trying to 'find' and stay with what I know. Again, if I had not fathered Nebraska in under this idea, I wouldn't be speaking of her now. Because I had started up with her on line at the time I came to this conclusion, to keep her and Tee Jay as 'open files' in my life.

Meanwhile, there was the matter of 'the work around'.

WHERE THE RUBBER MEETS THE ROAD

This part could also be called, "Why I Had Never Called An Ex Before Mookie".

See women, particularly black women, have a difficult time understanding their contribution to the problem in relations. It reminds me of a little story about 'Birds of Prey and Sheep'.

The Sheep moan about the birds of prey, and how they swoop down and snatch up the sheep. So out of frustration they curse the birds of prey. Meanwhile, the birds of prey are confused, because they don't understand why the sheep hate them so. Nothing tastes better than a sheep!

That is part of what complicates the relations between men and women. Sure there are some that are on the good end of the scale, and there are some on the horrid end. The problems colesce in the 'fat middle' were most people are at.

Where a lot of women in my age group are. Who have been batted around like a catnip toy. What can I say or do to change their minds? What have I done to harden their opinions?

And then it isn't lost upon me that they also fire my insecurities as well. I never have been 'man' enough for a certain kind of woman, and yes, as some have indicated, it is kind of important that she can add and subtract. This is part of why I think that someone who knows what I want, who can help keep me on the path that I want to be on, without stepping on my fault lines, would be a cool choice.

In all that, I guess I have also said why it is a not as good idea as well. I have no inclination of being 'more' that what I was, and I am what I am. I send flowers when I feel like it, think of you when I think of you. Not going to jump through any hoops ... because there are other horses in the field.

And being single is steadily gaining.

NEXT: Handicapping the Favorites!