DARKHORSES

I SAW YOU CHANGE (into a fly)

That is a line from a ULTRA way cool song by the Deftones. Something in a comment by the girl who wants her corset tightened struck me, and I thought to address what I read.

Change isn't easy, but then it isn't hard. Sometimes all it takes is for you to listen you the Missus and ask for directions. Sometimes it means not worrying about the mud being tracked in from a work boot and getting the vacuum and getting that up.

No, change isn't easy. Been some tears shed and some anxious moments. But I have managed to stay the course, not getting too far outside of myself and for times that I have felt a little lost, get back into my Joe Friday, 'just the facts, ma'am' mode, until I get clear.

Even so, Darkhorses continue to ride, whenever I rest. And they ride, because they are closing.

THERE IS A WHOLE LOT OF TEXAS BETWEEN LUBBOCK ...

... and ANYWHERE. Watched the game and enjoyed it. Texas Tech won, and the worked hard for it. That was a big win for the program, as it has been in the shadows forever. Now that they are out, the sky is the limit.

State's win over Wisconsin was big as well, for pretty much the same reason, only on a different scale. The games showed that there is a change in the programs, like the change Mike Singletary is trying to implement, like the change that I am making as you read this.

When I first heard that phrase about how much Texas was between Lubbock and Beaumont, it was always as an intensifier, to let you know that much work was going to be done before someone said you may be finished. And not only should you not worry about how far you got to go, be ready to go TWICE as far when you are finished, because it isn't over until it's over.

Using it with 'change', it lets me know that it is fine that I have only made slight progress, because it all counts. Got a long ways to go anyhow, so don't go getting excited cause you made good or down because it isn't going as fast as you would like. Keep going, because Beaumont is far, far away. And there are more racing to the spot than who you know.

This time last year, Nebraska and I were exchanging giddy, high school lover's email. She would cool down, and I even had my questions as to whether or not she would even show. I even wondered if I WOULD show, because I hadn't been out and away by myself like that in three or four years. I was a 'different' as well, and could easily see the story on a Mid-Michigan news station about some sad, tragic end to a sordid internet love story ...(not that it was 'sordid', but they always make it seem like it is when it is bad news about internet stories!)

But I did, and she did and the rest is history!

After she dropped me at my Best Sister's, I asked my Sister what did she think? And she said, "Same ol' Mark," and we went on in her apartment.

EXPLAINING THE SAGE STEELE PHENOMENON

For me, I have always dated full figured women, and that is my preference. I know what society says, and I know what the media sells us, but I know what I like. Nebraska is dead on. Between Pam Grier, Lynda Carter, My Delta Girl, and Tee Jay, were y'all to see Nebraska, you get a idea of who I dream about. Thing is, I actually got to meet the latter three!

They didn't know what they were, until I showed them (might be overstating that with 'braska ... but I would if she let me) how beautiful that they were, forget what the magazines and television shows said.

But because of what the media and such says, and the chauvinism that dictates who determines what is 'beauty', women have so many issues to confront, that even after they allow themselves into a relationship, there is still a lot of work to do.

Full figured girls grow up thinking that they are less attractive, and it hampers the development of their self esteem. They either have too little, or in some, build a facade, where they show themselves as confident with themselves, but their hold is so tenuous on that confidence, that when it is pricked, the air goes out of their puffery at once.

Puts me in a bind, because full girls have always been option #1. Taking liberties, let's say me and 'Corset' were an item. One of the first things I would make sure she understood, is that what I see is what I like. I would also make sure that she knew what I liked about her as a person, so that she understands that I am not caught up in her 'looks'.

However, if she wanted to change that, I would be right there to help her. I happen to know a little bit about fitness, and I would guide her along, only going as far with it as she wanted. I wouldn't ever expect her to turn into Cathe Friedrich (a hottie, IMO, on FitTV... and the work she does is super cool, highly recommend her routines), but I would want her to understand that I am going to love her no matter what.

WHY PONDER LIFE'S COMPLEXITIES ..?

Another thing about this 'Sage Steele' thing is, there are general insecurities that women have to face that further complicate things for me. With the girls I like, and their built in issues, and now with MY issues, I am thinking that some of this is a bit much for me.

With my ex-wife, that was another problem we had. She wouldn't let me make her as beautiful as I wanted to see her. She was always too this and too that (as if this and that is related), worried about 'Mica Babes' and trying to keep up with them and the 'Honey Brown's' of the world.

I don't think I can fight thru that anymore. I know I don't want to.

Maybe I may have to date outside of my ethnic group. I have before, but they would make up less that 1% of my 'totals'. No reason, it never happened. In fact, by one lady, I was told that I was not 'hood enough, and she needed a 'thug'.' That was back in the '90's, but the irony for me was I already wasn't black enough for black girls ... now I was being told I wasn't black enough for white girls!

So if I am going to get my nose opened by Sage Steele, I may as well open everything up, you feel me? Why let something so unimportant to reaching my goal, matter? Young lady, someone a little older. Country lady, urban woman (uh, that is redundant, I am already in a city!), whatever. Just like I am wanting a chance, I am going have to be ready to give a chance out as well.

BIG FINISH

This theme could also be called my 'New Year's Resolutions'. I don't really believe in the notion, but I use it as term to place emphasis on change, if I am making them at this time of year.

Change really comes when the needs dictate it. AKA is going away for most of the month with her parents to Florida. Good for her, she may run into Jan!

This is going to be good, as it will make it easier on me get her out of my mind. When she comes back, should she call, I should be better able to let her go on about her business.

She still hasn't apologized.