...SINCE I AM A MEMBER OF THAT CLUB ...
...I will compare it to the death of a close friend, watching Thomas Hearns lose that fight. The bout lived up to all of its hype, with great shifts of momentum, punctuated by a role reversal, with the slugger, Tommy becoming a boxer and Ray Leonard assuming the role of the stalking slugger.
I think at the end of the 12th round (the fought for 15 in those days), Tommy stood up between rounds leading the cheers of the Detroit folks who went all that way out to Vegas to watch 'their boy' win ... meanwhile, in Sugar Ray's corner, with his left eye nearly closed shut (and it would be the same eye he would have operated on for a detached retina), Angelo Dundee was telling him, "You're blowin' it, son!" And he got off his stool for the start of the 13th round ...
... in which he would hurt and knock Tommy through the ropes for a knockdown. The round would end with Hearns walking unsteadily to his corner, my eyes wide with disbelief. Contrast to his all-American image, Sugar Ray was as ruthless as anyone when he had a fighter hurt, and though Tommy had evaded him earlier in the fight when hurt, he would not do so again and was stopped in the 14th round.
The only time I would cry more, it would be for my beloved Mother. Since that wasn't for another almost 3 decades, I had never cried so much in all my days, for ANYTHING. I would try to go to school, but couldn't finish the day and Mom came and got me. Didn't even THINK about going to school that Friday, and could barely do my paper route that weekend (the sibs filled in for me Thurs. & Fri.). For me, it wasn't just my guy losing ... he is the only person I would admit to being a 'hero' to me, but when he lost, a part of me realized that I would never get to be with the 'in' crowds, not in high school, not in life. Would never be able to hang out with the 'Alpha Boys' or be able to date the 'Mica Girls' ... I would be 'Avis' for the rest of my life ... always trying harder.
Since that was going to be my lot, I resolved to then, ALWAYS TRY HARDER. Scrooge McDuck has it right, work smarter, not harder ... but it never ever hurts to try ...
PATH FOR LIFE
... interesting, because in a journal, it was asked what is it that the readers were scared of as a child ... I used to be afraid of the dark, but my Mom locked me in a closet and fixed that. One movie creeped me out, so much so, that I won't risk saying its name, for fear it get repeated IN MY HEAD three time in front of a mirror.
Honestly, I would have to say that I fear giving up before my success is my biggest fear. I don't know if anything that I am going to do with myself is the right thing or not ... but it is the thought of doing nothing, being resigned to accept life on its terms and not trying to dictate to it what I want, that is my biggest fear.
Haven't mentioned going to Chicago to essentially see Nebraska ... I remember the dialogue I had with myself about that trip. What would happen if she didn't show? Or if she did, what if she would get tired and annoyed with me (after all, Mookie was, only she didn't say it) and leave me somewhere in a untenable situation?
Oh, did I mention that I was taking the bus? Though you don't hear of too much trouble, it is there, trust you me!
The more that I thought about the things that should have made me quake with fear, the more I wanted to do it! Remembering how confident (some would say arrogant ... eh, six of one, half dozen of the other ...) I have felt in some many other situations, I only felt more and more anticipation ...
... because I was determined to make a new life and go into a new direction. I only wanted a chance to meet her, and that is what I got ...
SEE, THE WAY I FIGURE
Came close to getting 'there' several times now. So this means that with the information I have on how NOT to get there, I should be able to make it through one of these times.
Hopefully I will find someone who can share what they have from their experience, and we can put things together and enjoy each other on the way. I am sure that part of my appeal to both AKA and Pecan Sandie is that I have the 'been there, done that' component to me, but also the willingness to do it again with you so it would be a new experience that WE could have.
And that is where I will pick up on them ...
OOH ... BEFORE I FORGET ...
You will NEVER guess who called me last night ..! NEBRASKA !!!
No, not going to do it, read too much into it that is. That it was heartfelt was more than enough. But my heart doesn't read ..!
3 comments:
so neat you did hear from Nebraska and she initiated the call; I agree, don't read too much into it; just enjoy the fact you got to talk with her
I can imagine how devastated you felt after Thomas Hearns lost the fight; the way you described it, it would be like losing a close relative/friend to death; loss of someone you idolized and admired, although he was still alive, what you thought he was capable of doing had been reduced
oh my gosh, your mom's way of getting you over the dark was certainly an interesting method, but I'm sure she had her reasons for doing so
take care of yourself, Mark
betty
Very cool that you got a call from Nebraska, maybe the beginning of something good. I remember that fight, but I was rooting for Sugar Ray.
A surprise call...that must have made your day! Hope this leads to more....
I thought of you yesterday. We were in the Minneapolis airport, watching Olympic boxing, and I asked Ken, "I wonder if our pal Mark is watching this?" Odd that you mentioned Sugar Ray, because I said that I remember watching him in the Olympics years ago.
I liked what you wrote about how although you may have already experienced something, you're willing to do it again so that you can experience it together. It's those shared experiences that build a lifetime together.
Beth
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