... this is NOT Tranquility Base ..!
... maybe I haven't really been in Detroit in what, 20 years ..?
The few years that I was here, I didn't get a real strong 'whiff' of what Detroit smells like. I want to say that I didn't expect to see a paradise, as the older industrial cities are kind of crumbling, but what is going on here, is quite a shock.
But I am adjusting, getting accustomed to the pressure that comes with being in this town. Each day though, is a challenge, no question about it. Things are not at all what I had anticipated, but they ARE workable. It is going to be more 'nose to the grindstone' from here on out. I don't want to stay in this town, and I don't even think it is safe for me to stay here.
At a downtown Branch of the library today, as I took the first small step to tidying up my affairs in town, I look around at the humanity here. And again, I have to catch myself before I start to 'feel' the weight of their lives, and what brought them here, as of course, I am not at all too different from the lost souls that sit here with me.
But I do have the workings of a plan.
SECOND PLACE ... STEAK KNIVES ..!
Nebraska has offered me help in getting settled out there. Fine and dandy, and that is FIRST PRIZE. That is what I am going for. Not going to fret about the romantic part of the relationship, as she has made it clear how she feels about me in that regard. She wants to help me out as a friend, and that is not bad at all. It could be worse ... she could just have 'X'ed me out of her life forever. Her show of concern for me by suggesting that I try it out there in the cornfields meant that she can see something in me that would allow me to fit out there. That is good enough for me, because I feel something from her that allows me to let her make such a choice for me.
Other than perhaps moving in with my sister in Chicago, there really isn't going to be any waffling around about what I am going to do. I would think it would take me AT LEAST a calendar year to get set up for something like that, and that is a minimum that won't get changed, unlike leaving Mookie. In fact, because that did not go as smoothly as I had hoped, the year has to be written in stone. As it is, I HAVE to go back to tie some things off.
When it comes to going to Nebraska (as opposed to being with Nebraska), I have no illusions. I would take her friendship, let her point me off to where I need to go, and be grateful and indebted to her for her help. But I don't think I am a big city cat, not anymore. Road the bus for an hour one way ... there was plenty of city behind me where I got on, and there is plenty of city ahead of me when I got off. To be out there in the 'open spaces' between places is not something I want to find myself coping with too often. Though I am telling myself it has only been a week, the tension is racheted up quite a few notches.
Uh, there are too many to note. Do have a little nephew who I am going to take under my wing ... and I have already spoken with and talked to AKA, who's life resembles the city itself. I can only shake my head and hope for the best for her.
My first wife and Skye are going to be problematic. What problems, I don't know, but they are. I hope to be able to reach an workable relationship with them. I would think that I would catch up to my BFF and SD, but I am not sure. Oh, I think there is a fellow journalist or two that I would like to break bread with, just to see how they are doing, for real tho'!
I do try to 'write' things down ... but when I looked back over them notes, I was like, "Why?"
Why remember the first few days of 'decompression', where calling Mookie up and telling her I had made a mistake and begging for her forgiveness, seemed resonable? Don't need to account for how I felt for the first time in my adult life, like 'prey' as I walked the street, the once middle to low middle class neighborhood now, just low, as the erosion of the middle class continues. Looking at all the businesses that are not shuttered, but gutted, blackend by fires, and boarded up that were once busy making my heart heavy.
Better to just move on, and deal with what I am dealing with. There is enough that lies ahead for me to be concerned with. And I HAVE to do what I am here to do ...
... one side benefit of being in Detroit ... I weigh less here than any other place! I think that the stress here burns calories for me! Got on a regular beat up scale and it said 217 ... FULLY CLOTHED! You can take 3 - 5 lbs. off and whatever you have is still better than what I was at the last weigh in ..!
Cool beans ... kinda ..!