EPHIANY CORNER (when will you have yours?)
Chatted up Nebraska for a sec last night. We had an interesting conversation. She thinks that I am worried too much about things other than myself. At first, I furrowed my brow, as initally, I disagreed. Then I thought, is it that I disagree, or is it that what she said was true?
I slept on it, and kept on with today's program. Found out what to do at DHS, which was simple enough. Stopped at Target to pick up another storage bin to put stuff in. Oh, picked up my reading glasses from the optical place! Whoo hoo! And I kept turning over the bug Nebraska had put in my ear ...
... that is when I went and got out my 'Rules To Live By'.
NO, I DO MEAN JUST THAT
It isn't what was said, but 'how' ( as much as you can intone or inflect words over the 'net) that bothered me. Once I got over myself, I did some actual thinking about it. Am I worrying about the wrong things?
In my late 20's, early 30's, I went through a particularly rough period. I looked back and saw that as much as I tried to change and adapt, that I wasn't getting the results that I wanted out of life, out of myself. Now, for those who think that I am sorta deep NOW ... THEN with my head struggling with Campbell and Kierkegaard, and the Bilderberg Group and the New World Order ... *sigh*, I was trying to be deep, but it occured to me that 'deeper' wasn't what was meant for me to be. I decided at that moment, to just be what and who I am, and accept me as flawed and imperfect, and validate myself. I knew who I was, and I knew what I hoped to be.
Still, I was unfocused. I thought about life, and saw patterns to it, and what was going on. So I started 'taking notes', from books and television, from people out on the street, and compiling quotes from everywhere. Some of them stood out more than the others, and the words felt hot like burning in my head.
And they became my 'Rules To Live By'. Though I didn't put them in order of significance, the first one is there because it is the most important: Answer questions on what's best, never what's easy. In saying that, and doing it, people want to believe are two different things. But once you start doing that, the conflict disappears.
Nebraska's scolding reminded me that I was getting lost in things beyond my control. And sure enough, I looked at my 'Rules', and sitting there in black and white, was this; "If you fix your eyes upon details and neglect important things, your spirit will becom bewildered, and victory will escape you." And so I was. Letting the 'victory' slip through my fingers.
The time is now, to get my gear together. Then co-ordinate with my Dad. The loose stuff, will have to be loose. The momentum of making the best decision has a certain air to it, that has things fall into place. Getting out and away, that is the important thing. Lil Mook has her letter/talk written out. Don't have any words for Mookie, and not saying catty stuff won't hurt me. Wish her the best, and yes, even a thank you for our time together. What I have learned about myself is invaluable ...
... and since my Dad is having trouble with his truck, I may have to hatch another plan. Nothing like the unforseen to crop up ..!