Saturday, April 5, 2008

... too tired to sleep ..!

STAT BOY ... GO ..!

Februrary was such a LLOONNGG month!  When Mookie spoiled my Valentine's, I made an 'executive decision' to end this relationship.  I called Nixxie first, to let her know and not to worry about sending KT ... that was at the end of February.  The first week of March, I spoke to Mookie about us.

I remember doing it that way, because it was like a 'committment cut', because I had to justify canceling my summer.  Though it would be neat to have her in Detroit with me, I think Nixxie is right and I need to get settled and get my bearings first.

Second, I responded to another journal about a paper that I thought I wrote.  I happen to still have the book that I would have 'sourced' for the paper, and it doesn't contain the passage that I thought it did.  Means that I prolly glommed onto something I heard and it 'stuck'.  Gotta put a retraction or something in there ...


"The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity.  to make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task."

What ever it says to you.  I know what it says to me ... I think George Orwell heard it too...

... but ultimately, this one is what echoes in my mind regularly.  Because it would be far easier to fall into line, and to march to the 'One Beat' (good Sleater Kinney song ..!) that the multitude does.  But I can't ... I have two right feet!

Still, who doesn't seek this out, if only for their own life, their own corner of the universe ..?

"The formula for my happiness ... a yes, a no, a straight line, a goal."


I think that somewhere inside of me, is that person, that wants things simple, that wants to see in black and white.

Trying to simplfy my internal thoughts, seems to spring out more!  I keep trying to just focus on 'today' and worrying about 'the next thing' on my little chart.  But things get into the way.  I am a little frayed at havingto keep 'adjusting' to be a part of the wider social groups.  Yet, I am too social to imagine myself as becoming a hermit.  I speak too easy, have too much to say to people when they ask me a question or make a comment.  How did Thoreau do it?

Lil' Mook is sleeping ... and I am wide awake ... I think I am going to take a 'nip' of cognac and call it a day.



lv2trnscrb said...

a nip of cognac sounds like a wonderful way to end the day

toonguykc said...

I watched "High Fidelity" tonight and remembered all over again why it's such a great movie.  Lots of relationship truths in that flick.  Check it out if you haven't seen it.


rdautumnsage said...

You have no idea how little I do actually sleep on account of not being able to turn my mind off. Everyone else tells me they see a unique writing style in me...tell that to the obscure publisher out there. Anyway I'm constantly introspecting, writing within my mind. (You would think I should have at the minimum an article a day in my journal at the rate my mind works..)

Then there is the never ending drowns you. 3 years in and I still can't find a middle ground and peace with it. Imagine being underwater and closing your eyes and seeing total blackness, no sound, sight anything. If feels like death to me and I find it hard to surrender to it each night. Silence like that isn't anyone's vision of serenity, it's a haunting ghost. (Hugs) Indigo