Thursday, April 17, 2008

... still up ...


I guess they are going to try to do 'shifts' with their ailing sister.  Good for them.  I still don't care.  Mookie took one of her sisters (the one I DON'T LIKE) to catch her ride to the airport. 

So I am up, not because I am awoke.  There is a difference.


See, I was hittin' the used music store in G'boro, when I saw this CASETTE SINGLE of Blondie's 'Heart of Glass' w/ 'Hangin' On The Telephone'.  The first thing that now comes to mind is, "I used to think Debbie Harry was cute?!?"  Trust me, she never was and certainly isn't now.  But they sold her as a bombshell, and failing that, she could sing!

I never took a chance on getting a full release by the band.  Stuff that EVERYBODY likes, makes me not want to get it, if that makes any sense.  but this was sometime in the '90's, and the hype had passed.  I did like the band, and 'Heart' was classic.  The song on the 'B-side', 'Hangin' On The Telephone', though made it worthwhile.

Because I had such a foul experience with my first wife, my 'confidence account' was sapped.  Though I had found out that I wasn't a 'trog', I had spent more years feeling like one than I had not.  She had (did I say 'had'?  Meant 'HAS'), and oddly, the man she married, seemed to make them manifest.

Anyway, getting beat on is a soul-shattering thing.  I had thought I bounced back, shaking her off, but if I had really went into why I liked this song, about a desperate person trying to reach out to someone who is cavalier and treats them inconsequentially, I would have picked up on it.  Since I am aware of that as a potential issue, I just listen to the song, and think about the good times I had in school!

CONSTANT CRAVING (you know, by k.d. lang)

Even through the darkest phase
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin

Constant craving
Has always been

Uh, honestly I shouldn't have to say more than that.  The other day, when I spoke of a friend who wanted to paint me with the 'foolish woman' brush, I heard these lyrics and thought to myself, "This is someone who hasn't marched brave through the fields of love."  For all my faults, I know that as sure as Monday follows Sunday, you have to hurt in order to love.  Not always physically, but all the time mentally.  If your soul doen't have a crater for a love lost, then you never have let yourself love another, I don't care what you think you have to show for it.

Maybe a great magnet pulls
All souls towards truth
Or maybe it is life itself
That feeds wisdom
To its youth

The 'maybe' lets you know, that as good as the idea, the notion that follows sound, that you just don't know WHAT you are getting yourself into.  I like to think that I 'know what I am doing', when it comes to being in a partnership.  But even with that, I am still 'single'.  You can NEVER know it, only that when you find it, you hold on to it, and hopefully you have what you need for your love to be true.

They CAN'T convince me that they have ever really loved.  Period.


No, seriously.  I think that this is the only 'up beat' song Robert Smith ever sung, other than 'Happy Birthday' as a child.  And really, it is just that, which is what makes it 'sooo GOOD!'  The song seems to be about some cat who is pleasantly surprised when the belle of the ball has eyes for HIM.  The consequence of the hook up doesn't matter, what does is THE NOW ...

"if you want I can take you on another kind of ride... "
"believe me I would but... "
Deep inside the 'but' is 'please'
I am yearning for another taste
And my shaking is 'yes'

"you will be all the things in the world you've never been
See all the things in the world you've never seen
Dream all the things in the world you've never dreamed... "
But I think I get a bit confused...
Am I seducing or being seduced?

Now you have 'peeped' my game!  I can almost assure someone that I am going to be a different experience than whatthey have had before.  Been up and been down, been on the outside, the inside and just on the side of life, and have lived to tell the tale! Cultured with out being too refined,  'hood' without being stereotypical.  Soft as cotton, hard as obsidian (I just like that word ... always wanted to drop in somewhere!), I can be silky smooth or as abrasive as sandpaper.

... not to mention, I will be as loyal as they 'let me' (that is another conversation).  This is my first 'call back' ... but I have had several opportunities before to try to see if there was something left ...

... so maybe I should.  I KNOW why Pecan Sandie is angry with me ... and why my first wife wishes she could get another try ... but I have told on myself enough, and it is starting to sound like I am bragging ... anyway, y'all have a great time ...

... enjoy The Faint ..!


lv2trnscrb said...

I have to admire Mookie's sisters for ralleying around the ailing one and helping out as much as they can; can't say what I would do if one of my siblings were in a similar situation

each day brings you closer to your goal of leaving, Mark; I still think you are making a wise decision to do so


lisa41076 said...

Mark, I love The Cure, Hugs Lisa

toonguykc said...

Dang, hit on a couple of my favorite musical ladies.  Debbie Harry IS A GODDESS!  "Parallel Lines" was the first album I ever owned.  k.d. was fun before she got political (though I agree with her politics).  "Diet of Strange Places" was my personal theme song when I was in my mid-20's.