Saturday, April 19, 2008

Stars ... Like Lights Flashing ...

... before my eyes in the daytime ..!

One of the reasons I talk about general fitness as much as I do, is that it provides such a natural lift to your mental state.  It is more than the endorphin boost, I am talking about a 'neuron boost' as well.  Stuff (especially for me!) will connect faster and more efficently.  I couldn't tell you how many times in my life that I have started a run with issues and finished it with sesolutions.  Shower and fresh clothes ... and a new outlook to start the day ...

... or to finish one.  To do some work before bed will take some of the stress away too.  See, the entire 'fitness process' is about affirmation.  It is about doing things that you can do, that will have a positive benefit to you.  All the while you are sweating, changing clothes, showering, you are totally immersed in doing something for your own benefit, without any predjudice or compromise.  You didn't cheat or cut anyone to get whatever or wherever ... just you and doing something to help YOU out!

This morning, I didn't intend to 'fun life out of me'.  But as I am coming into rounds, getting in TRUE shape, I am reminded of how I felt in college, when I decided to get off my duff and get rid of my 'freshman 15'.  Not meaning to get all the way into boxing, I just wanted to get into shape!  Fighting again came on a dare, and that is another story (if I can remember it!).  But like then, my body is ready to respond to my commands, and 'do what it does'. It is ready to 'go', so getting dressed and going for a run, it isn't wanting to 'take it easy', it wants to RUN!  So from a just 'getting it over with' start, my body went hard ..! 

... and I am feeling like I feel! 


See, I am of NOT afraid of 'effort'.  And when you push yourself, you find out about 'false quits', from when you push yourself. That is what the flashing lights are about ... it is just 'effort' trying to get you to stop.

For a couple of years, I had 'lost interest' in competing with myself (more on that later ... if I can remember that too!).  By that, I was just going through the motions, droning on and on.  Because of the way that I am cut, my relationship powers me up.  Mookie and I hadn't been hitting on all cylinders for nearly three years now ... and I am glad for my therapist, otherwise I may have lost myself completely.

When Nebraksa agreed to meet me in Chicago, the processes (yes dear, I think in the abstract, and act in processes!!) I knew then I had to roll out, and get mobilized.  Even though I grade out on the event as a 'C', the ambition got an 'A'.  I was also able to hold on and get there despite my doubts and worries.  That I went and made it back in one piece, I confirmed what therapy was trying to tell me ... I AM STILL IN HERE!  Spending that time with her, made me feel valued; then hanging around with my best sister, who reminded me of what I was ...

... I begin to think about who I still could be.

So after Chicago, I had to work at me more.  Maybe if I had taken that energy and put it into my 'get back into it round' with Mookie ... no, I have done more than enough.  That is why I put it out that I wanted to lose weight, because when I go home (what a concept ... HOME!) errybohdy will just see THE MAN WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE ..!


I will have to sit still and be quiet for a little bit.  Just be a father, son, and brother will be enough.  Enough?  That is a lot!  Oh, maybe get 'braska to do a 'home and home' series ... there ARE nice spots in the Metro, and I ain't scared of MY hometown ..!

If you are with me, you are good.

Besides, I will have a real social circle ... and unlike the provincial town I am in, there are actual things to do ... and I am going to get involved and be around ..!


rdautumnsage said...

I meant to tell you the other day, I totally got the running shoes part of your entry. Been there, done that. Believe it or not I used to be a distance runner, it worked with the fact I was short but had stamina and knew how to conserve my energy and give it my all in the final. So running shoes were something I've always been familiar with and always had on hand. I've seen way too many other runners mess up their feet and ankles without the proper support or shoe.

Now as for this sounds like your starting to genuinely see the full picture and hope. It sounds good coming from you. Hopefully you will still keep in touch with us, your online buddies in your newfound life (winks). (Hugs) Indigo

lv2trnscrb said...

great attitude, Mark, to get involved and be around when you are back in your hometown!


toonguykc said...

Sitting still and being quiet...good advice.  My therapist used to tell me to stop sometimes and just 'be aware'.  And to breathe.  It's hard for a hyper person to remember to do that.


lisa41076 said...

Mark, I agree with you about the natural boost after exercising , too bad I am so damned lazy, Hugs Lisa