Packed the car and she was gone at 4 a.m. I feel bad for her, but I am sure that her sister will be fine. They found the clotting, she will be on blood thinners, and she has to change her lifestyle, FOR SURE.
I had wondered if they talked about 'us', after all, I talk with my best sister about Mookie. I can't really get over how everyone is 'cool' with lil' Mook being here with me. If she wants to see here Grands, she can. But even for just this one day, to trust me with her is big, in my mind.
Honestly, she is in good hands. I don't think there IS a better pair available.
Getting back to wondering if she spoke with her best sister about 'us', is limited in its scope, because I want to leave. I am going to leave. While she is gone, I am going to ultra refine my packing, going into 'light infantry' mode. When she gets back, I want to be ready to leave in a hour notice.
My heart is no longer in this relationship.
Taking her bags out to the car, giving her the obligatory hug and kiss, I was struck at how little was there for me. It wasn't a willful thing, but it was noticable by the lack of feedback I recieved.
Wonder what she felt?
I would have rather not been a 'heel' but I am going to look like one anyway. I figure by June, she would have returned to her 'normal', non-into this self, if not sooner. And I will have packed up and moved on.
Why is it that when I guy leaves the relationship, that he is going to look like the bad guy no matter what? If I Mookie last year, I still would have looked bad, leaving someone who 'alledgedly' was there for me, and willing to support me.
But that is on the outside. In here, we all know the truth.
3 comments:
You and Mookie are calling it quits?
Yes, leaving her only child with you is HUGE!! That she can do it and not worry one iota that her child is taken care of while she goes to tend her sis...is HUGE!! You are a good guy, Mark, and that she will miss. Maybe not a week after you leave, or a month, but over time...the dependable, reliable, take-good-care-of-us Mark, who was always there. Even when he was not fully invested, he was still "on the clock". This whole thing has got to be stressful for you, yet the resignation, acceptance of what is to come, what has to happen, will get you through. My prayers are with you, my friend :)
xoxo ~myra
its the wisest thing to do, Mark, to leave if your heart is not there; it is time to move on and see what life has to offer you and hopefully that special person who will treat you the way you treat others with kindness, concern, compassion, etc
betty
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