... an Off Day

 

KNOW YOUR BARARIANS

The other day, I asked of no one in particular, if anyone has noticed a ‘lightness’’ to my entries. Language means so very much to me, and the words that I choose to convey my thoughts matter to me greatly. Also, it is part of my process, to enlist outside observers and solicit opinions as to my ‘state’, if you will.

The decisions are made with what I call ‘imperial thinking’, so I don’t worry about someone’s random comment. Separate the wheat from the chaff. I do think that it is important to have objective thoughts considered, failing that, at least an outsider removed from the direct influences to give an opinion.

So I asked. Am I doing better, feeling better, more hopeful? I feel that I am, but I also know that it is something that I WANT so I could be fooling myself. Being honest with me is something that I strive to do no matter what else is going on in my life. It is part of the spiritual covenant we have with ourselves.

Spirituality. Don’t be surprised.

Atheism. Agnosticism. Amoral. Making a distinction between the three is not difficult, as they are defined in most dictionaries. But many people prefer to be told what they are, thinking of such big concepts frightens them. Like sheep, they are herded into thinking like ‘everyone else’, never once considering what they themselves think.

Now the first of the ‘Triple AAA of Faith and Spirituality’ is Atheism. I suspect that there are those who would adhere to being atheist, and find my stance a little bit half-hearted. Maybe so, but just as it isn’t for me to say anything about them, I don’t put much into what ANYONE says about me and my spiritual pursuit.

That’s the point. Who that walks and talks like I do, can? I am agnostic, and since I came to it as a little boy, I claim it honestly. I remember my Mother dropping off books by Sarte, and expected me to understand what it was I was trying to find. I didn’t find it, but the lesson was make your choice and follow thru with it. Your spiritual essence is not a joke and don’t play with it.

CALVIN’S REPLY

‘Well, somebody’s out to get me!’ was his answer to Hobbes when he asked the question that has dogged many a soul, ‘Is there a God?’ I do believe that there is something beyond what we cannot see, and that it is responsible for our creation.

My Mother also instilled a sense of wonder in me, and as long as I was willing to think on what I call ‘the third level’, beyond just my desire and my goal, to look within and consider the unseen, then it was good enough to pursue. Many people aren’t able to do something like that. They have their desire, and they have their goal. They plan and move along, without ever considering the things that aren’t immediately visible, but become apparent when you move past them, cloaked in shadow.

Only our timidity keeps us from considering the things we don’t see. We look out, and fear of what we don’t know makes us hesitant, and we are tentative reaching out for the things we want. This timidity in turns, keeps us from reaching deep within ourselves, and prevents the greatness that is within us from being evidenced.

There IS a spiritual component to life, like it or not. Just as it is grand enough to allow for my agnosticism, or someone else’s atheism, it also allows for our amoral character that dwells within us all. Everyone has a claim to its power, its strength, the blessing it holds for everyone.

I am glad that my Mother took the path she did with me and my spirituality. Between her, the Creator, and me, all interested parties to my soul have been covered. I do have a strong sense of something larger than me, and I acknowledge it every day, in how I carry myself, in how I live.

For me, it allows for me to be pleasant and affectionate in my dealings, because I am thankful EVERY DAY for the opportunity I was given. I am not in Dafur. I am not in the slums of Bangladesh. I am not part of any war, famine or great poverty. No matter how difficult things get where I am at, it could be MUCH WORSE. I will take what I have on my plate and be thankful for it. There will be blood spilled at some time, but even then, it won’t be too bad.

THE GREY AREA

Amoral. Sometimes, things aren’t as clear cut as we would like for them to be. Sometimes things don’t feel fair. The creator takes Grandma’s, babies and puppies. Sometimes it is our Husband’s, best friends’ and only Brother.

Right? Wrong?? I don’t know. My only Brother had a stroke at 34. Good health, as fit as a professional figure skater/coach should be. No more details, but that should be enough.

He’s gone.

What it is, is the way that it is. Not for me to say this or to say that about it. Whoever it is to say, said theirpiece. Me I just deal with it. If you wanted to make a bet, bet on the sunrise. Tomorrow, no matter what today brought, is going to come.

Doing what’s best as opposed to what’s easy, isn’t always that simple. One of the few overgeneralizations that I think should be allowed, is that we all spend time in the ambiguity of the grey areas of life. I don’t think it is of small coincidence that we call amoral dilemma’s realm, ‘grey areas’ and we need to use our ‘grey matter’ to decipher them.

In my book, admitting to being amoral, or having committed amoral acts is akin to a confession. Admit it, and move on. You have still got to live, so live. Life goes on, death will continue to cull, and you must deal with ambiguities. It is all a part of the constant, constant struggle of life.

What is clear cut? The color of my font, a shade that I would tell you is ‘Carolina Blue’, to identify with a state I neither grew up in, or currently live. The shade is not the exact shade of ‘blue’, yet most could decipher that it is of some relevance to me.

Still it is a connection that is not as clear as all that. Who knew these things before I said them? Who made that connection? Even that, is a ‘shade of grey’. We all have done, are currently doing, or will do things that are in our best interests alone. Mookie hasn’t spoken to lil’ Mook about us. So I am still ‘on the clock’ if but part time. So I still have to discipline her when she is out of line (last night), and she still comes to me for approval (this afternoon). I am still here, and I am not a cut out. I am not a caricature.

THE DOUBLE LEFT HOOK

The phrase, ‘the power of positive thinking’, has kind of lost something as cynicism seems to be the prevalent form of thought. But I think that we are all born with something innate, something special with in us.

I think of my best punch, the double left hook when I am struggling through things. It was what I did best, and it was a daring punch. And that is my point. If you are going to go down, swing with your best shot, and believe that you are going to win with what you do best, with your best shot.

The first fight between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier, ‘The Fight of the Century’, Joe Frazier was able to knock Muhammad Ali down in the 15th round, toseal a hard won victory with his signature left hook. So no matter what you are dealing with, no matter what is said, when you engage into the process, swing that left hook until your arms drops. Because when (not ‘if’) it lands, it will carry the day.

I am trying to prepare myself as much as I can for the new challenges that lay ahead of me in my life. I know that they are there, but I am determined to march right on thru until I reach my goals.