Thursday, February 21, 2008

... why is it ..?

... that some women are insecure about themselves?  Particularly when it comes to their own beauty?

I wonder because I just can't recall guys sitting around thinking about if they are too this or too that or even not enough of something in regards to their own appeal to the opposite sex.

This is a carry over from my last entry, ending wondering about the self-esteem of some women and how no matter what, they can't find it in themselves to affirm what they see in the mirror.

My first wife was notorious for her lack of self esteem.  If I thought she was unattractive, I wouldn't have married her, and I would have thought that would have been a given, since I was so young.  But I never anticipated that girls had the self esteem issues that they did, as I was happy to be free of that particular milstone myself.  But not only did my first wife go to a school that was 'urban', she seemed to have that swagger that is particular to pretty young women.

I still remember being struck when I found out she thought that I was cute.  I had already started 'checking her out', and when the grapevine sent word she thought I might be worth a date ... I took her out! (now, there were too many 'intelligence failures' and to get into them here, would be out of turn)  Of all the things that I think I was the most unprepared for in our relationship was her, for lack of better term, self-hatred.

She did not like herself.  Why, I had no idea.  I mean she was a pretty girl, she HAD to know that.  She was the one who fixed her hair and put on the make up ... to what end, if she did not think she was pretty?

I would learn a good lesson from that, among the many that were being taught (some of which didn't take as well!).  One of the qualities about me is that I can make someone feel as if she is the prettiest woman that walks the earth ... subsquent to my first marriage, I have managed to make that a topic of discussion near the beginning of a relationship.

That I haven't put the whole thing together with the other elements of a good relationship is my failing ... but there isn't a person who has been in a LTR with me that can't say that they didn't feel beautiful.  I tell them that it isas much for ME that they let me moon over them as it is for them.  It is important to me that I feel as physically attractive to my potential partner as possible.  This isn't to say I don't have eyes to see, and if you ask if that skirt is too tight, I am going to tell you ...

BUT in no way does anything affect the way that I appreciate your beauty.  Can't talk about other fellas, I just know that I see the women I love in ONLY their best light.  My eyes absorb what I find attractive about you until that is all I can see.

How do women see their men?  I have always thought that men were NOT attractive in the least!  From scars to bloated bellies, I mean, I have been in many a locker room and I know it isn't a pretty sight!

But I don't think men are caught up in not looking a certain way for their women, as far as their bodies go.  Apparently, neither are women in regards to their preference in men, as they must be looking the other way, myself included!

Let me fawn over you and place you among the highest standards of beauty ... that I ask for that, that permission is kind of deep to me.  And it doesn't seem to matter how 'pretty' the lady I was vibing was, they seemed to be of the belief that they were not the belle of the ball and it would be a matter of time before they were discovered as the imposter they truly were.

Now if I wasn't offensive before, I may be closing fast here ... I know who are the most attractive women to have been in my life(in no particular order).  Yes, it is a given that Mookie is one ... she isn't the same Mook as she was at 17 but hey ... when we hooked back up, I swear she looked just like she did when I was first introduced to her.

My first wife misses the cut, but just barely.  Her crap personality does her in.  That, and the fact that NOW she can understand her role in the failure of our marriage ... anyway, My Delta Girl, the girl I was sooo in love with in college would be next.  That was the mulligan.  I should have been able to marry her, and then this crap blog wouldn't even exist, cause I would have graduated school as well as won a piece of a title and lived happily ever after!

Since I didn't, I would get to meet MLBGF(My Last Best Girl Friend), and she was a wonderful person as well as very attractive, in fact, she is the prettiest girl that I know.  When I screwed that one up, I felt a 're-engineering' was in order ... I HAD to be doing something wrong.

Now that is three ... and it had been that way, and I thought it would be for eternity.  Then I met Nebraska and I had to add to the list.  I found myself very attractive to her and her personality.  She definitley has all the goods, and that she thinks she is a clear thinker makes her even more of a winner for me.

Now there are no more plans to amend that list.  No additions, no 'reviews' or anything that is 'getting off message'.


rdautumnsage said...

Speaking for my own a nutshell you just outlined, without being aware of it why my sex has a tendency to be insecure. For guys it's about looks, if a woman is attractive, good looking a natural beauty, etc....I see true beauty in how a woman holds herself. Does she have inner beauty, a mind, a heart that gives willingly? Perhaps she doesn't have the best clothes, or goes and gets her nails done and pedicures.....instead she volunteers her time, listens because you count and is willing to be a friend.....

Now I've just described what is truly beautiful about a woman and it doesn't have a single thing to do with looks. Because if she is all these things, she's already got confidence and she looks great with that smile on her face. (Hugs) Indigo

mpnaz58 said...

Now, I'm just talking from my perspective, but I think its a standard whether other admit it or not.  We've not been told we are beautiful, pretty or even cute as a child, so how can we ever think we would grow into it.  I don't just mean hear the words, but feel the feeling behind it.  You're right, though, we are just much too critical on ourselves.  I dated a guy for a while who was forever expounding on how pretty I was, of course, I thought he was lying!  Negative self talk, whether we say it outloud or in our minds, criticizing everything about us.  I hear Oprah say once (and we all know her issues with her weight, etc), that she never passes a mirror without saying, outloud, "hello sweetie"!  You gotta be pretty comfortable with yourself to go there!  As always, your persepctive is always appreciated and is pondering for the soul.
xoxo ~Myra

lv2trnscrb said...

interesting thoughts/topic, Mark. I got to give this some thought before I come up with what might be an intelligent comment :)

that's what I like about your journal; makes me think