… all the people who pretended to like me are gone …
Now this ain’t no pity party. With respects to the original author, I too struggle with my ‘inner and outer demons’. The isolation that serve to intensify the winter blahs, is something that I have always lived with. Part of why I put my journal is due to the pervasive (ooh, good word ..!) ‘aloneness’ that I live with.
And they are, who we thought they were ..!
(only like Carly Simon sand, ‘you prolly think this is about you)
But it isn’t. I never slept with Warren Beatty and I don’t like hair men! Anyway, that some aren’t cool with me I am cool with. But it is the ‘Et tu, Brute’ crowd that gets me. Don’t know about you, but I didn’t have a whole bunch of people that LIKED me, much less call me a friend. This despite what I thought were my best efforts. I would rush to defend any of my fellow geeks and outcasts, I would be polite and (at least I thought so) thoughtful to everyone I could. So I guess my public question is, ‘Why y’all front?’ I mean, cut to the chase, don’t pretend to be cool, and then when you think there is something disagreeable about me, throw me away like trash. Hell, Forrest was able to tell Jenny that HE knew the difference between emotional content and empty platitudes (remember when he told Jenny, ‘… I know what love is ..?’).
Well, so can I.
… and the big finish ..!
Like I have said, and will continue to say, I am going to make sure that I have a good year. There are things that you have to ignore in order to reach your target. That isn’t denial, it is called faith. Y’all may think this, but I think that. And it is I, who is the archiect of this design (for the theologians around, I guess the Greater Power would be the contractor … and I work for him!).
I like to play around with the former Secretary of Defense Rumefeld quote about ‘ … the things we know we don’t know …’, because it rang clear in my mind. I think what hewas trying to describe is what Carl Von Clauswitz defines as the concept of ‘friction’. It goes something like this:“The minute we begin carrying out our decision, a thousand doubts arise about the danger which might develop if we have been seriously mistaken in out plan. A feeling of uneasiness … will take possession of us, and from this uneasiness to indecision, and from there half measures …
We must therefore be confident that the general measures we have adopted will produce the results we expect … if we have made appropriate preparations, taking into account all possible misfortunes, so that we should not be lost immediately if they occur, we must boldly advance into the shadows of uncertainty.’
So yesterday didn’t go off quite as well as I hoped. But this isn’t about ‘yesterday’. It isn’t even about today. The day it IS about is out there shining like a star. THAT’S what it is about. Hate to lose a good friend over such a small disagreement in principle, but hey, so it goes and so it goes …