... keeping the balance right ...

... and it ain't easy ... but I get it there ...

It is hard work being positive.  But it is too easy to be cynical, and too simple to be negative.  There are some people facing great tradgedy, and are in difficult circumstance, and unfortunately, they also know who they are.  But for the overwhelming majority of us, we hold the keys to how we view the world and our lives.  Too often people find themselves caught up in the projections of others, their views and aspects sulling our own, even to the point of warping how we view ourselves.

To make the conscious choice to be positive about life isn't about denial.  It is about being willing to take charge of the direction that you are heading.  For me, it is right now, to let Mookie be Mookie, and for me to again concetrate on being me.  She isn't going to want to watch movies like "M" with Peter Lorre, or revisit "Badlands" with me.  She wants to watch "I Love New York" on VH1, no matter who or want is on the History channel.  So I just do the things that I need to do, and I still expect that what it is I hope for is out there, somewhere, for me.  That I don't know where it is, or when it is going to happen, that is where fate comes into play.  What I have to do is be ready for when it happens.

That was what my November trip to Chicago was about.  I was going out west to see my sister, my BEST sister, who lives there.  I have an 'e-friend', Nebraska, who I have 'grandfathered' into my life.  So I asked if she would meet me there and we could hang for the weekend.  She agreed.  Had I thought about what I was doing, I wouldn't have agreed.  It has been a good while since I have even left the provincial town I lived in.  I didn't know what was across Lake Michigan, as to how my soeur's situation was like.  Then, what if Nebraska was 'just sayin' and had no real intentions of being there when I arrived.

Ooh, I could go on and on with all the things that could go wrong.  But see, that little icy teardrop of fear that splashed in the depths of my heart, instead of creating a panic, spurred me to action.  I made the choice that I was going to make it to Chicago, one way or another...

... to be continued ...