Championship Sunday
“Usefulness is not impaired by imperfection. You can drink from a chipped cup.” -Greta K. Nagel
This is something that I keep close at hand, when I wonder if I deserve the things that I want, that if I am worthy to ascend to the desires of my heart. For all the things that I have had to bear, I have also caused my share of heartache. My daughters are the personification of my sins … and I am going to take the rap for not breaking out and being a high achiever, academically and as a man.
I am flawed. Yup, that’s right … I am that guy. But it isn’t like I was walking around elementary school telling everyone that ‘I want to be a summer dad with three girls by three different ladies when I grow up‘. Someone burdened by the curse of potential. No one really cares about the ghosts in the halls of my mind, the dark labyrinth that is my soul …
Hold up, not going to fall into that trap. Morrissey said it best when he sang, “I am human and I need to be loved just like everyone else does.” I have owned up to my wrongs, and I don’t worry about absolution. I only have this one time that I know to go thru life. What is it that I want out of it?
The film, “The Unforgiven”, is a film that I identify with more than “Rocky”. “Rocky” is about someone who was fully present when his opportunity came. “The Unforgiven” is the movie for the rest of us, those who must face their weaknesses daily, and hope to find that peace and happiness that eludes us so. And even after we have left what we hope to escape from behind, it calls out to us, seductively.
I wasn’t quite as notorious as William Munny, but then, I am telling this. But who hasn’t tried to escape the dark shadows of what we were? And how many of us have just settled for the peace of mind that comes when you lower your expectations to match the level of comfort so that you can have that peace of mind?
The potential of what William Munny is capable of, is only aluded to in passing. It isn’t until he finds the motivation, in the murder of a close and dear friend, that the old William Munny comes back … in all of his fury.
Because that was the life he left and had only came back for one more ride, he would return to what he left, and move from there, both physically as well as psychologically. He was still ‘new Munny’. It was just that what he was, was still there to be summoned if he needed him.
His metamorphoses made me think of the “rage against the dying of the light” that Dylan Thomas urges … and that is what I am committing myself to. I have no illusions when I look in the mirror. I know what I have done. But I am still going to make the effort to make myself in the image that I carry in my mind …
And that is just that with that ..!
6 comments:
We all carry the burden of the seeds we sow, if you will excuse the pun! We just have to live with the concequences. You seem to have managed very well. We can all beat ourselves up about under achievement etc, but that hurts no one but ourselves. You seem like a posative guy, from what I have read so far. Stay that way.
Gaz
I need to check out the movie.
We are all flawed, I suspect most of the really "flawed" have no idea, that they are not
perfect.
I was just chatting with my Son this afternoon.
I try to save him some time (years possibly) by telling him some "nugget's" I learned along the way. Stuff I wish I would have "known" then. Hope he pays attention to the "important" things. So far he has.
D.
If someone had told whispered in my ear (when I was in grade school) what I'd be at the age of 41...I think I'd be happy and horrified and confused...in that order.
Russ
Mark, I'm flawed as well but I am still a caring person, Hugs Lisa
Everyone has their flaws, some just cover them up or tuck em away better than others......I prefer to wear mine on my shoulder as a reminder that even though I may have these things in my past, my future is for the making.(hopefully it can't get any worse ya know lol)
You deserve any and everything that you want to become and posess.....We have to look out for number one, because in the end NOBODY else will.
Hugs
erica
I found this inspirational dear friend! As for not being perfect.....in all honesty if you were I don't think I would like you very much. Don't get me wrong...I just believe that if your honest with yourself, truly honest....your not going to be perfect-just human and real. I admire those qualities far more than the claim to perfection.
Anyone reading my archives would realize in a heartbeat I'm far from perfect. I could look at myself as the victim, the alcoholic, the disabled....yeah I have a list a mile long of things I could regret and yet the list never remains the same. Because in all our imperfections we learn to do just what your trying to do....live with the image in the mirror. To date I'm no longer the victim, I'm the advocate that speaks out against Domestic Abuse and quite a few other causes. I'm turning the corner to my 4th year of sobriety and I'm teaching others about my small world of silence.......Looking in the mirror, I no longer see anything but me......I see in every inch of my reflection the path of were I've been and have yet to go. Stay safe and loved dear one. (Hugs) Indigo
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