Thursday, January 3, 2008

... HEY YOU ..!

"People have asked, ' How can you continue to stay psitive?'  The answer is, 'That's all you've got.'  If you sit there and make excuses ... you're always passing blame.  You're never standing up for the mistakes you make, and you're only taking credit for the things you do well."  -Joey Harrington, Atlanta Falcons quarter back

I happen to be a Joey Harrington fan.  I liked him in college, and I wished that he had caught on as a Detroit Lion.  I thought part of his problem here was that he was misunderstood as much as anything.  His kind of leadership isn't for such a chauvanistic, and fake brave macho like football.  Anyway, I think similarly, and I have to ask myself, 'what am I doing to contribute to our situation?'

Standing outside of us, Mook is a great girl.  She is very capable at her job, been with the bank for 17 years.  lil' Mook is a super cool girl, and she has done that mainly by herself.  She admitted to the Dad being a fly by night cat, and she never bothered him and to the best of my knowledge, lil' Mookie has never mentioned anything about it.  When I first came on the scene, she did miss the previous cat, but not to the point of rebellion.  She moved along with the flow.

I did discuss with Mookie about my situation and my approach to my little ladies.  I wondered if that was going to be a problem, since my girls call and visit <though Skye, who is in Motown not so much ... go figure>.  We talked through this, since I wanted to work with my girls as much as I can, and I didn't want this to cause any friction.  After all, she decided that lil' Mookie's birth father was going to be out completely.  Didn't want to cause any strange feelings, you dig?

After I felt comfortable with lil' Mook, I explained to her that since I loved her Mom, that also meant that I loved her.  The name she has, came from my influence in her Mom's life.  So we did have a history before now.

I explained that I am going to treat her as my daughter, but this does not mean that she should feel compelled to give me any more consideration than she would any other adult.  Because I trust in her Mother's ability to instill good manners and respect, I didn't feel that I needed to say any more than that.

She didn't have to be my 'step daughter', but I am on the hook to be her step father, as I see it.

With our relationship being tossed on the seas, I wonder what Mookie makes of all this.  This isn't having any bearing on my decision; right now, other than financial, the biggest reason tying me here is that I like my health care providers, and I don't take that for granted.

Give me $1500 bucks, and I would head for the exit.

Since that isn't going to happen, I have to work my plan until I get enough capital.  So I am just going to study this, as I find it interesting.  Nebraska takes a different tack in her situation, my Mom took another route in hers.  My last best girlfriend had her own approach, and my unwanted Big sister <my first wife> had yet another.

It reminds me of how something so simple, like the Jab, 1-2, can be used in so many different ways, still with the goal of doing one thing.  Didn't Sun Tzu make a similar point ..?

But the element that hasn't been mention, is the execution.  Even if I have this all figured out, I am STILL doing something wrong.  What it is, I don't really know.  I thought that I had it all figured out, to be sure, when I came here.

With my first wife, it was too much too soon.  I had just came home from the service, and for all intents, she was the first girl I saw.  I wanted to get married IN HIGH SCHOOL, so you figure that after a stint in the Army, I couldn't wait!

Yes Virginia, maybe I should have.

There were too many signs that it wasn't a good match besides her trying to hit me with pots and pans, so I won't go there.  I thought I had good advice on the decision to split < my Moms, who I learned way later, had admonished my sisters' for taking my wife's side over me>,but I have always felt that I could have done more.

That kind of left a bad hangover.  I have met wonderful women, had beautiful daughters with two of them.  But I couldn't jump off the cliff with them, because of what happened the first time I did it.  Though those ships have long since sailed, I look back and can see that I held back when the chance came to commit.

Getting back with Mookie, I took that jump.  Now I never have minded being the 'road team', so being here instead of Detroit <or even Carolina> doesn't faze me.  What I do think it did with Mookie though, is give her the feeling that I am dependent upon her.

Listen folks, if I am meant to be wandering from soup kitchen to soup kitchen, hey then, lets get on with it.  Not that I think that is going to happen, but you just play the cards you are dealt.  Period.  Personally, I don't have that kind of karma. The worst of outcomes don't happen to me.  Point is, I would LIKE to be with someone, but I don't believe that I NEED to be with someone.

That I saw the film, 'Love in the Time of Cholera', with Nebraska is significant.  Because even though I would like to share my life, I can find my way around without that love.  Jim Kelly never won a Super Bowl and he had four tries.  Does it make him any less of a great quarterback?  I could go on and on pointing out examples ... Hubert Humphrey in politics, or Scorsese in directing.

That I won't be with someone that I choose to love in marriage, eh, a disappointment.  So was missing my weigh in for the Trials and being laid face down, ass up on HBO ...

I have three beautiful, beautiful girls.  I would enjoy hanging out with them a bit more.  It would be neat to invite someone to a restaurant or go to the garage sales with <yes, I like them but NO antiquing ..!>, or go to a quality film ... I have to wait until 'No Country For Old Men' hits the dvd racks ... and yes, I am hot about it.

Things like that drive my decision.  Putting that with my health, which my B.F.F. made me aware of during an letter exchange, there sign is pointing only one way.

So what did I do to contribute to this situation?  I mean, that is another thing, I KNOW that I did something!  Maybe my quirks have gotten to the point where she has started tuning me out.  Being left of the center is cool on occasion, but not when it is everyday. 

Well, that is pretty much going to be it about relationship stuff.  I won't look to wonder what is and what isn't until April, March Madness at the earliest.  Until then, stay in formation dress-right dressed and covered down ...

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