...follow up

Monday was a particular day for me ... Didn't have an appointment, and because of MLK day, the Mook's were off ...

At first, I was a little on edge ... I count on the time to myself to get myself orientented ... but the day went surprisingly smooth ...

I guess they ran a Halle Berry night on AMC ... after dinner, the movie 'Gothika' ran ... I was able to catch it as Mookie flipped channels ... I mentioned that I wouldn't mind watching it ... I began gathering my 'security pile' (I have a tendency to carry books and papers with me that I have 'piled' during the week ... Mookie caught the character trait on some show, and applied the term to me ... so she knows I am insecure) to go into the basement to watch, when she surprised me and said she would watch it with me ...

SECOND TIME ... HAPPENSTANCE ...

Our relationship has been taking on water for over two years.  I don't know if that is a long time, but without showing any real progress, it is LONG for me.  I do like Mookie, and one of the clear problems I have had is that I stop getting dirty to make things work.  I blame that on my first wife, who used to fight with me, and was not too far removed from making ours a page B story in the Free Press ...

So I have felt that our relationship is 'failing'.  I am tired of being outside her "5" and unlike DeWayne Wade, I am losing my desire to be in hers.  But the hangover from my starter marriage, has maybe cost me that special happiness that comes from sharing your life with someone.  So I made a deal with myself, after Mookie complained about us having to talk almost every month last spring ...

If things were going to change, she would have to make the change.  I have covered and voiced what bothered me between us.  I can go on autopilot and get myself together.  'Playing on the road', as I am, is a disadvantage because I am don't think I could live in the provincial town we are in.  Besides, my sense of adventure wants to see somewhere else anyway ...

LETTING MY EXPERIENCE WORK FOR ME ...

... This was the second occurence of Mookie making what I would call an effort to be my friend.  What, y'all didn't know that you should strive to be friends with the person you are going to sleep with for the rest of your life ..?  Last week, we had a nice discussion about the film, "O Brother, Where Art Thou?", which segued to a conversation about "Of Mice And Men".  Now watching "Gothika", which was a 'Mark Movie', she scored more points.

I had told her before, that if she would stop and consciously spend ONE EVENING with me per week, then all the junk she was running around doing with her peeps and whatever would be cool.  I wouldn't feel so ignored, and I could chill. Meanwhile, she would prolly discover that we had more to talk about than not.  She hadn't done that in like, ever.  So now, I want to know, "Who told her?"

Back in October, I became convinced that something was going on.  I was still shaken after a not cool September, in fact the chilliest September ever.  As I began to warm up, I just picked up on "things".  And I am not new to the rodeo, so I didn't have to do too much digging.  I feel that women in domestic situations wait until they "step in it" before they make a choice to take a course of action.  That isn't me.  The only thing I don't know for sure, is if Mookie is just "scratching an itch", or if she is heading into another direction.  Either way, I have to make a choice.  I will worry less about what she is doing and more about getting my gear prepped.

I DO KNOW what I need to do. 

But isn't Mookie coming around?  Hmm ... two plus years against two weeks ... I would have to say NO ..! Again, going on the stereotype of women in challenged relationships, what those alley cat men do, is give you the false hope thing, just to keep a woman from coming to the conclusion they need to, to regain themselves.  Ooh, I am reaching her, she feels me, I do matter ... right, and it only took her almost 4 years after we started to kick it to come to this conclusion ...

Sorry, it is going to take another step.