... but they are GOOD nerves ..!

I would like to say thanks to everyone who has started to read my little journal ... I like to say that it is an 'active journal', in that I use it as an actual diary so I can remember.  Writing this stuff down longhand would be problematic, and this ISN'T my computer, so I can't keep it secure, other than putting it out here.  That said ...

... now THIS early rising as opposed to my natural early getting up, is due to the huge butterflies in my stomach ... I have an actual job interview!  This is a big thing for me, because I would like to think that I am functioning at a pretty good level, for anyone, much less someone like me.  My counselor let me know that this was a courtesy as much as an actual interview ... cool, I will take it!  From my perspective, anything closely resembling getting back into the race, is good!

I shared with my therapist that I really, really feel better about myself.  I explained that I started to get back into thinking my 'highly unlikely likely hoods again, and that is a good thing.  The two that are currently running through my thoughts are 1) boxing in loosely regulated states and 2) enlisting in the service!

Yeah, I know that I shouldn't do either!  Of all the things that I can do that will take time off my 'being here' is to get hit in the head AGAIN!  There is no way for me to describe how good it feels to be in the ring ... but I know that I could do it ... but there are a bunch of things that would trip up that scenario.  Still, I think it would be fun.

The second is enlisting in the service.  If the cut off is 42 years, 364 days, then there is a realistic shot.  But I turn 42 this year, and I don't think I could find a doctor that would let me in before then.  But, I know that there are down-filled medical certificates floating around ...

I also spoke with my therapist about when do you lower your guard.  My relationship has been taking on water for quite awhile.  But this afternoon, Mookie and I had our first decent conversation.  I checked out 'O Brother, Where Art Thou', from the library this weekend.  I didn't watch it, and wanted to redo the check out thing.  I had it on the dining table and she saw it. 

Though she had mistook it for another story <what, 'O Brother ...' is loosely based on the 'Odyssey', right?>, another period piece, it was good for us to be engaged in a conversation.  With me acknowledging how much I liked the story, at how I remembered how it made me feel, she was more than willing to share her memory of the story, and it felt good for us to have that kind of interaction. 

Les Brown

The tape that I am listening to is VERY GOOD.  A life long friend, the Fly-Skimmie <I am not making this up ... I have called her that since HS> gave it too me.  Les is a cat who would speak at the elementary schools in Detroit and though I didn't 'get it', I knew that I wanted to.  I forgot as I grew older, but when I was trying to come back from my starter marriage, she got it for me.  If I had the technological know how, I would put it on here ... I am going to cherry pick it, and chat it with myself, to keep me on my square.  The first couple of weeks of this year have been good for me ... only 50 more to go ..!