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There are a few people who read what I write, and that is cool. But there is this one lass who reads occasionally and even has her website up and running. Cool too, good for her, and you go girl!
But for some reason, she would rather send me her comments DIRECTLY and not on the journal. Hey, that is cool. I didn’t really expect it, but it is all good. Now, I guess I should say that I may respond to a comment, and I may not. But this lady sent her comments straight to my IN BOX. She opened up a discussion with ME.
There is NO AIR in that big boy! She wanted YOU to know how she felt about YOU …
So I replied to her. She mentioned that she had no desire to ‘talk’ with me, and I was like cool with that. BUT she did it again, and I included in the subject line of my reply, ‘… now you know that I …’, because I had already established that a letter to my mail box gets a reply.
Our dialogue came to a conclusion this weekend. I had ‘followed’ her back to her website, and made a posting on it. She hot footed it to reply that she had no desire to have a dialogue with me, and took great pains to let me know that she won’t be reading my journal.
I was taken aback by her reaction at first, because she has let me know that she thinks I am ‘one of those guys that make it hard on the ‘good men’ out there. Fair enough, cause I AM. But I have the desire to change, and I think that it is coming along.
The harshness of some of her comments had struck me, and pushed me to alter some things that I am doing. But I didn’t mind, because if I am putting myself out here, I have to expect to get some stuff back. What really got to me was her telling me that she didn’t have any want to help with any advice, and that she won’t be reading my diary anymore.
In that instant, I was transported back to when I wasn’t doing my Dobie Gillis lovin’ the all thing … back to when I had more in common with Judy Blume’s ‘Margaret’ and no doubt Salinger’s ‘Holden Caufield’. She had gotten to me …
Why didn’t she want to read my diary? If she wanted to make a comment and go, why didn’t she just do that? At first, I felt a Sonny Liston moment, and there were clouds forming and darkening in my skies. To once again be made to feel insignificant, to have to be faced with how little I mean to someone, well that is not something that I need to be reminded of. And I felt the callousness in her words. She wanted to make sure I hurt …
Sometimes though, cheating can be good for you. While I went to bed with this lady’s words haunting me (on what should have been a good feelin’ day … get to that later this week), I remembered that I wanted to get some work in before I got on the scale. And I remembered why I am such a big fan of exercise and physical training.
Yoga and Tai Chi, all that is cool, and I know that it works. But you have to remember that nothing beats good ol’ sweat and effort. That meditative stuff is supposed to work, but when you get up and you do 5 miles in the winter darkness at 5:30 a.m., you don’t have to wonder about ‘is it working’ or not! As Mookie once noted, she can smell the difference from when I have rode my bike as opposed to when I have gone on a long run..!
… see, that is sweat from good effort … and that odor, that scent … well, that is the smell of victory!
It took some doing for me to remember my anonymous ‘flamer’ after I had put in my run. The endorphin flow washed the ill will she vibed out. Too bad she doesn’t want to comment or read, because everyone needs one person for sure to tell them in no uncertain terms that they are wrong … or in her case, that they are a jerk. That is cool with me. I know what I am. But it doesn’t mean that is what I have to be, and I am facing that every day. And I keep on trying to make myself a little better each day. She doesn’t want to be a part of it … how very ‘American’ of her.
At any rate, she reaffirmed what I already know, that workout can wash out your bad moods!
7 comments:
A friend of mine told me you posted a journal entry regarding our brief email exchanges and now, I am posting a comment to set the record straight Mr.
First of all, my initial comment to you WAS to your journal, NOT to your email. YOU made the decision to email me regarding my comment. I have ONLY replied to YOUR emails as YOU find the need to INITIATE unwanted emails to me. In fact, it was YOU that emailed ME out of the blue the other day to rehash OLD conversation. So what the heck are you talking about??
Are you that desperate for friends or people to talk to that you need to try and push for chat? I told you I was not interested in getting to know you. Now you write of hurt feelings over someone you don't know and have only exchanged a few words with?
I have chosen not to read your journal anymore because its pretty much the same tune everyday and I'm not interested in your boxing or weight loss stories. If you think my extremely brief email was callous, you must be a little too soft, sappy or sensisitive because I didn't say one thing mean to you.
Once again, you have proven why it was a mistake on my part to ever comment to your post. My apologies.
You have my sympathies, man. Having a public journal can be rewarding, but there are always a few trolls/weirdos/unclassifiables out there to make you regret putting yourself out there. At least you learned something from it. I should try that too. I've basically just learned that I take insults too personally and I have anger "issues". Keep up the good work.
Russ
There are psychos out there just brush them off the kind and cooler people will prevail...Lol Lol Did I just say cooler how 60's of me lol
Donna In TEXAs
Http://journal.aol.com/Lacaza3/sweepingthecobwebsofmymind/
My God that woman is cruel! I read her comment here at the bottom. I read on another journal where a man said the same thing. How cruel. Why don't they just keep their big mouths shut and never return and leave no comments what so ever.Dude you deserve better and there are much better women out there to even give this one written space in here. Carol
Hi Mark,
heard about your journal thru Russ. And I'm liking what I'm reading here. You're speaking your mind.
..about that girl? well..shame on her for what she did to you..one thing for sure, now that she's not coming around to read your journal--it's HER lost.
And you like to exercise? hmnn...I might have just found my motivator.
If you don't mind...I'll be back.
Gem :-)
Russ sent me; I'll be peeking in from time to time.
Mark, you have a pretty good journal going on here, Russ sent me over, I will be back, Take Care, Lisa
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