Sunday, December 16, 2007

Speeding things up

… and some are like stars …

… moving eternally through the heavens … and there are some like comets … briefly illuminating the sky … finally there are those who are like the mayfly, with there brief span of like, like the spark of flint against stone …

… have I missed my moment ..? I remember a few times staring into the miasma that is future and seeing glimpses of what could be for me … still, whenever I would come upon the critical junctions in MY future, I was always found wanting …

… a foot is as good as a mile when you miss the hole … and there isn’t much for those who ‘almost could have ‘ … the question is, what is it that am I going to try to be ..?

… the last two movies that I found myself identifying with, ‘The Notebook’ and ‘Love in the Time of Cholera’, the men were able to move on with there own lives, their own purposes … I have to remember that myself, because I know that I can remember how to do it … to lie in wait for love …

… after this last chewing out by my beacon siren, I guess I won’t use this month to excise myself of my emotional ballast … I will just store it and put it away … start to focus on my goals and the tasks to reach them …

… one of the lessons that I feel I have learned is commitment is for sure a two way street … I had always thought that I was the one that held back … but in revision, from my first wife through to now, I have made huge changes to allow for the women in my life to be a part of my world … but instead, of it going both ways, I feel more like Lila Cheney, crossing the universe for the one she loves …

… but not willing to dare to ask how far that person would go for them …

… have to get clear headed so I can do more of what makes me, unique. I haven’t been writing like I want, nor reading … not purposely digress, but I will mention the book I am currently reading, as what I have read factors into my current state …

… the book, ‘The One Percent Doctrine’ by Ron Suskind, tells of the Washington that emerged after the events of 9-11 … some of what I read, links up what I already knew PRIOR to the attack … I am not saying that I had insight that some of the smartest and well-connected people in the country didn’t know … what I AM saying is that I know more than the flag-waver that thought Sadaam was connected to those attacks … just because I can’t ‘prove’ the things that I know, because I don’t have the materials at hand, or can cite the sources … I just know what I know …

… knowing what I know … that has to be the flag that I raise … the banner behind which I rally around … because I have to trust in myself and my knowledge … the philosophy that I have found whatever limited success in, will be the one that I build around … dreaming of it all and wanting it too has not harmed anyone … and the truer that I stay to my vision, the likelihood of reaching them increases …

… the first step is finding some kind of employment … then I can make a firmer financial plan … that is the mission for the first quarter … right now, the gulf between what I need and what I am getting is too wide … getting a job will alleviate that to a degree … being able to have a clearer vision is what having a job will do …

No comments: