Saturday, December 1, 2007

... channeling David Byrne

So it is true … it isn’t the big things that cause things to fall apart, it is the little ones …

Why is it, WHENEVER I am asked to bring <ok …fetch> something for Mookie, it isn’t a problem and there isn’t a smart aleck comment, it get done. Is it that difficult, to bring the cat that you love a friggin’ glass of soda <when I am drinking water … more on that faux pas later …> and some chips? If it is, THEN WHY MENTION YOU BOUGHT THEM.

Somebody, help me out, because I am missing something here in this picture. I mean, when the shoe is on the other foot, and it has been MANY times, I make sure to share when I say, “hey, I got some ice cream, would you LIKE SOME?’. No, Mook didn’t actually ask if I wanted any, but that is implied when you declare it, isn’t it? And if you can’t bring it to me for a FREAKIN’ change, then it is more like, ‘Houston, hello? WE HAVE A PROBLEM’.

It is a inauspicious start to living my new year’s resolution. I didn’t go to the library, but that is cool. I can do what I need to do early Monday. But sorting and filing my personal papers and comic scrap book, just reminds me of the issues that I face. Is my reticence contributing to my desire to change my life’s direction? To me, it is truly a chicken or the egg kind of question. Do I keep making the same points in a conversation regarding our relationship, when they haven’t taken in the 18 or so months I have spent discussing them? Or is not going in, giving it one more try making me guilty of working against the relationship?

Look, the intelligence that I have gathered about relationships that resemble the one that I am in has a major difference - I got the point of view of women who were in this position, because this is a typical female issue -not enough affection or attention. But I don’t know if anyone has picked up on this, but I am a MAN ..!

Being a man means that there are different consequences and different alternatives in remaining in or getting out of a relationship. Some of the considerations that I have, are more in tune with a woman’s perspective. I have three daughters and while my relationship with my eldest is strained, the two younger girls know me with Mookie and lil’ Mook. They expect to hang with the THREE of us. Since I consider myself fortunate that I have a good rapport with KT and Lexxie, do I want to risk that now? And ifI do make the move, what will it say to them? It is hard enough as it is …

… anyway, getting back to the chip ‘n soda … maybe it is cool for you to say, “ … bought cookies”, and then let everyone gallop to the bag, but not me. See, that is what I am talking about. Not only have I TOLD you in the course of 3 years, not only have I demonstrated for the same time, what it is I think should happen, but I have spoken about it REPEATEDLY and even linking it with larger and actually discussion like a Senator tacking in an Amendment to a bill. That means I REALLY, REALLY want you to get it.

So if you STILL can’t bring me a glass of soda and some chips, am I now expected to think that you will eventually catch on to what I am looking for in a relationship? The situation reminded me of the story about the big business meeting where the head guy stressed a specific brand of coffee for the meeting. Meeting comes, goes badly. Finds out that they didn’t have the right coffee on the table. Guess who was the first one to get fired? The coffee guy!

Didn’t matter that there were bigger and larger problems. Those will eventually get dealt with. But when all you have to do is get the damn coffee, and you couldn’t do that, then hit the freakin’ bricks Bucky, you aren’t working here no more ..!

… want me to believe that I am who you want … but it is still a problem to bring me some chips and a Coke … when I rub your feet without fail, and give <according to you> good massages …

… for real, right or wrong I am full. And tired …

No comments: