I think that I have begun to lose hope .

I am always in the wrong and unreasonable side of whatever commentary I find myself on.  The things that would ease my anxiousness fall just beyond my reach and I cannot bear the frustration of my life constantly lying beyond my reach.  If I continue to dwell upon the topic I am afraid that I would reach the conclusion that there lies nothing to reach for, and I would face the question of "Why?"

There is nothing that is going to pull me through.  Each day is a repeat of the previous one, and that is if I am lucky.  My condition is that of a person who finds themselves repeating a version of the day prior, and if I were to somehow alter the movement of time so that it is tolerable... just attempting to describe what I feel escapes me.  I am frustrated and I want to stop the endless meandering that I am mistaking for action,  for life.  

The Walkmen album, titled,  "Everyone Who Pretended To Like Me Is Gone" really has a significant meaning attached to how I understand it.   Not that anyone who has been a part of this adventure ever "pretended to like me " were doing just that,  pretending,  but the expression in the music was, IS, something that I identify with, to such a point that the connection with the music and lyrics has been a constant for me to return, again and again. 

I miss the things that I have taken for granted.