Friday, August 29, 2014


Thursday was an interesting, very good day for me.  I did not do anything of note, simply rode my bike a little, caught a bus for the sake of catching a bus to North Omaha, and took a nice afternoon bath and sat down to start my entry.  So my “Tactical” for this will hopefully segue into the main body of my entry.
I want a new computer.  I have been thinking about getting a notebook (no, I never did get the laptop running, but that is a story for maybe another day) and not having the burden of carrying a laptop around.  My stops was a local pawn shop franchise, Sol’s, where the lady who was helping me was very kind and knew her stuff, and Office Depot/Max, where I saw  several replacements, one less expensive than the one at Sol’s.  But with my not knowing the differences between the specs, the trip was more about the intel than actually making a purchase.
Because I rarely go across Dodge Street, the North Side is intriguing to me in the same way the East Side of Detroit is to me.  Despite its reputation, I still see more spots where I could picture myself setting up shop and chilling.  Then, in another reminder of why, like the East Side of Detroit, North Omaha has such a fearsome reputation, there was a detour set up by the police.  Seems like there may have been a shooting in the afternoon, and two passengers exclaimed, “That’s our house!!” as they leap up to exit the bus.  Maybe I will have to shelve the idea of going to the North Side… a disabled cat who rides around on $800 bikes kind of shouts, “potential victim” to the ne’er do-wells who look for opportunity.
Got back safely to my apartment and called the woman who is still on “probation” up and we went to 5 Guys for some take-away and watched “Star Trek: Into The Darkness” on Netflix.  We also made meaningful conversation and it was good, quality time spent in one another’s company.  And thus I was sprung into my long weekend of working Friday, Saturday AND Sunday for the first time in MANY years!
Each time that I begin to think about the question, “How do I love?”, the expected saccharine-coated “twee” is not the among the ideals that enter my mind.  Whenever I have thought about participation  in a loveship, the word “commitment” has always been kept at the forefront of what it means to love and to be loving.  I know that I have cultivated an image of being a darling (or is it of “This Charming Man?”) man, strong yet tender, firm as well as considerate.  But what I think has always been missing in assumptions made about me is that of my deliberate nature.  And it is this omission from the equation that I believe contributed to the fail between Nebraska and myself, among other attempts at being “in love”.
I see love as the default nature of man.  I could string together some poorly-understood academic ideals  to support my theory, but I won’t.  I shouldn’t have to.  I won’t accept into philosophy something that I have not vetted and verified for myself.  And in that statement, I think you get a handle on how I love, and what love means to me.
Because I believe what I do with regards to love, I also do not think that it needs our approval to be present in our lives.  It is a part of the natural order of things and as such, is neither in need of “magic” or “luck” to be a factor in our lives.  Rather, I would claim that instead of chance, love is about surrender and acceptance, as it is a voluntary acts from which growth takes place.  The gap that keeps some from finding the love that they seek, the choice to be a part of the spiritual growth of another person, is the only real obstacle between “love” and being “in love” with another person.  To rely on the non-essentials to being in a loving relationship, like material wealth and what is best only for oneself, inhibits a person from fully being “in” anything; their concern with the objective forces outside of the relationship prevents the relationship from fully actualizing and reaching for it truest potential for being.
The idea of commitment is one that in my mind that is connected nobler and higher notions than does not allow for the kind of degradation than the casualness that comes with love.  Commitment, is for me, more than just a promise to do something, it is an action that places you not only in the present with someone, but in the future with that person, along with their hopes and dreams, and all that they ever hope for.  A “promise” is something that is made with the same guile and insincerity that is found in elementary school negotiations all over the country.

Commitment is spoken of throughout the speech in the video.  The game can be a metaphor for life and the speech by Coach Gaines is essentially a primer for how life should be lived.  The appreciation for where you are and fragility of each and every moment is a part of his motivation, as well as the sacrifice that they have implicitly promised one another -- is very similar to how I feel that a intimate personal relationship should be set upon as its foundation -- based on doing everything that can be done in the name of building a successful relationship.
Whether it is to a person, a cause, or your own well-being, a commitment is a choice.  So to be committed you have to be fully conscious and in being conscious, my idea of love is not one where I am struck by an arrow as it is the possible solution to a complex calculation, a theorem.  And like any theory, once proven incorrect, it is discarded and it is on to the next possibility.


Babz Rawls Ivy said...

"love is about surrender and acceptance"

I am going to take this into prayer. and then I am going to let it guide me into a blog post.

I appreciate your discernment around the simple question of How do you love? I invite you and those who read you to keep turning this over periodically.

And I might also ask, where does forgiveness fit into any of this... I imagine acceptance has to have a modicum of forgiveness attached to it... in it...

Yes, I am taking this to prayer... there is a divinity here that speaks to me.

abbiestreehouse said...

When it comes to computers, my advice is to get the cheapest one you can find. Unless you are doing something with high-end graphics- like a drafting program or 3-D gaming- even the cheapest computer is likely to be more powerful than you'll ever need.

When it comes to love, I have no idea. I fall back on two pieces of advice from other people that stuck with me over the years:

"If you find someone who loves you, Don't fuck it up!" ~Richard Pryor

"Whatever it takes to get the girl is what it takes to keep the girl." ~Doug Williams (just a guy a used to work with, not the quarterback from Back In The Day)

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Ken Riches said...

I have never had a lot of friends, guess because I do not really trust most people. I have gotten so from most, I expect little to nothing, so am rarely disappointed. I am glad to count you as a friend.