Monday, April 16, 2012

SUNDAY REFLECTIONS



My Sunday afternoon was spent walking around the OmahaHealth Expo over at the Century Link Center.  The woman who operates the Anytime Fitness franchise in the Old Market, Laura Binetti was one of the speakers and I went in support of her (who, coincidentally, won her world title when the meet was held in Detroit!).  I was strolling around the expo and there was something buzzing around in my head and I could not shake it off.  Then it hit me, the speaker after Laura was none other than Johnny “The Jet” Rodgers, my first football hero and icon!  I went back to listen to him speak and after his presentation, went up to him and told him that if he wasn’t my first football hero then he had to be my second!

I don’t know what impressed me more, his graciousness with his admirers or the courtesy that they displayed in gathering to get their autographs and pictures.  I thought about who was the last football player to leave their indelible mark on my consciousness, Michigan’s Desmond Howard, and I saw how similar they both were, as far as use as a football weapon and impact on a game.  This was a connection that I had never made before.  I have had an affinity for college players who had the kind of effect in a game, guys like Tim Brown of Notre Dame and another Wolverine, Charles Woodson, who did not get their hands on the ball a lot, but when they did those plays would often change the game.

This weekend was one where I felt a couple of nerves twitch.  Not only is Omaha the home of “Johnny the Jet”, but in my mind this is also the part of the country where tornados live!  As readers may know, there have been tornadoesand tornado warnings for this area of the country.  Winds Sunday afternoon were high and it really was rough trying to pedal against the wind to go shopping at Target.  I had lost my Brita water bottle at the International Day at school on Thursday.  It was neat and there were demonstrations of music instruments from different cultures and there was an elementary school class there soaking it all in.  It was cool looking at all their little faces with their eyes wide as they trying to absorb everything.

One of the displays(@ the Int'l Fair)

Also I made a stop at Omaha’s Ray and Joan Kroc CommunityCenter.  I haven’t done the research so you can click the name and it will link you to it.  I went and maybe was able to get two things done at once.  I am looking for a job, anything, to keep busy and out.  They have an opening for some volunteer at their facility locker room and I am down for that.  Additionally, I think I found where my Human Relations group can volunteer and that is super cool as well.  I aim to follow up in person on Monday, as the Kroc Center is down a ¼ mile or so 27th, just south of campus.

YOUR DOUBTS ALWAYS BETRAY YOU

I don’t know what the maneuver was called, but there is a scene in the movie “Top Gun” where I think Tom Cruise is flying and there is a cat on the aircraft carrier trying to chart his course in real time.   Apparently, there was a certain point where he was supposed to have made the maneuver, but he went past the point.  The camera shows the guy drawing the line as he tries to talk Cruise into and abort (I guess) and finally the guy’s fingers goes into a spasm, spitting the pencil out from his grip.  Whatever Cruise was going to do, he was all on his own, and of course, the move was executed and the glamour boy Cruise saved the day!  The scene embodies the “pure invention” I think Adrienne Rich is talking about in her “XIII”poem.  After all, is there any other way to do something that, by your own reckoning, is something that has never been done before?

I sorta think that when you are doing something that you haven’t done that as nervous as you may be before you reach it, once you have come to the point of execution, i.e., the point of no return, it means just that.  When it comes to a relationship, there is no avoiding the consequences of your actions, and being unsure of your feelings only complicates things.

One of the reasons that I won’t be going into a long spiel about ‘this and that’ is if I have anything to add to how I am feeling Nebraska and my status, I will tell her.  But of course, as it seems to be among the unwritten rules of being in love with someone, there seems to be no end of reminders or reasons to reflect upon what happened between her and me.  I saw a post and it immediately brought to mind what I think was the source of much of the discord between us.



No one who I have ever been involved with has had to wonder about whether they were THAT attractive to me or if I was IN to the relationship.  Those were things that I made clear up front and if they accept that at the start, then whatever happened, happened.  And while I can understand caution, what I don’t understand is a lack of a broad understanding of what a relationship is going to be about.

I don’t accept “I don’t know” and “we will see” as an answer to many questions, particularly when it comes to being in a relationship.  If you don’t know something, what are you going to do in the meantime, between this realization that you “don’t know” and when you will?  If there is something “to be seen about”, what is it that you expect to see?  Though I can’t place the discipline, I don’t think that going into a relationship without a stated premise is a good idea.  It isn’t that it is something that “I don’t do” (I try not to tell people what I “don’t do”, because usually when a person say what they “don’t do”, that is EXACTLY what they “do, do”!), but it is something that I won’t do.  It would sort of defeat the purpose of me taking such a huge first step when initiating a contact with a potential relationship partner.

… so you wonder why I ask, “what’s my motivation”?  This is one of the reasons why.  When someone is uncommitted, then for sure, things will get sticky.  Already out in the “forbidden zone” with out of date maps and no common language with which to communicate with one another, how else do you expect to discover if there is anything “there” between anyone?

9 comments:

V said...

hey. Reading your blog after such a long time. I keep hurting others. It's like I have to hurt someone's feelings every now and then so taht i get inner peace or something. i don't mean to. But I do it somehow. Weird much?

LceeL said...

Hah!! You said "do do". But that's just the way my mind works.

I like your saying - playing with the feelings of others because you don't know where your real feelings are at is hurtful - on so many levels.

FrankandMary said...

At times I get the feeling we are all trained animals performing for treats. But there is the afflicted beauty, which is a double-edged sword too. I'm no help. ~Mary

Mizrepresent said...

I just love the way you open up to us. You have come a long way in expressing your truths and i appreciate that, so very much!

That corgi :) said...

Forgot you were in tornado country, now, Mark. Do be careful! I'm sure that was some bike ride against the wind you guys were probably excperiencing. I think volunteering would be a great way to get out and about, especially if one found the right opportunity to do so!@

betty

Have Myelin? said...

volunteering is great! i enjoy mine at Thanksgiving and hope to do more (often) something. Right now it's all about finding a home and getting situated.

You write so eloquently....

* Ashleigh * said...

I'm glad your safe and wasn't swept away :)

And damn straight, no guy should play with someone emotions when he's unsure of his own. Disrespectful and manipulative.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Feelings, we all have them, and they should not be toyed with.

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