Friday, March 2, 2012

Daydream Beliver


Hey, I added a new follower!  Normally I don’t do new follower shout-outs, but this is an exception.  Christine MacDonald’s self-titled blog is a neat follow and if you follow the link, she can tell you all about it better than I can!  Drop by and say ‘hey’ for a brother!!
Another blog of sheer brilliance is the one by my best friend(or so she tells me!), Bridget Callahan.  An example of her talent is capture by this excerpt from her most recent entry:
At least this work of art is simply explained, it's one rock after another, it's a simple long process, rote. Those other things? You can't even draw   blueprints for them. You just have to keep plugging away in the darkness, not knowing where it's going, try to create a lighted path just by visualizing it ethereal brick by brick. Year after year, over and over. 

“Awake” is a new show on NBC that I watched with great interest last night.  The premise is there is this police detective who is simultaneously in two realities and in both, he is unable to tell which one is the actuality that he exists in.  In one, his son is dead and he and his wife are trying to move on and in the other, the WIFE is dead and he and his son are dealing with her loss.  The crimes that he is investigating intersect, though in each he has different associations with partners, and different relationships with his chain of command, things overlap and he can’t tell which reality is ‘real’.
Spent most of Thursday watching “Morgan Freeman’s: Through The Wormhole” on Discovery Science.  And though it mostly went over my head, the talk about all the different dimensions and string theory really fascinated me.  The show “Awake” seem to be an example of a lot of the same kind of explanations that the physicists were given for their theories.  One episode really made a lot of mention of “Schrodinger’s Cat” observations, and there was a lot of the observed reality not coming into existence until it is actually observed


I made a post about my relationship with the Monkees a while back so I won’t rehash those memories (if I could even remember them :0) but I will describe how I felt when I heard that Davy Jones passed away at 66.  What I felt was mortal, pure and simple.

But fear was not a part of that feeling.  I remember how unaware I was as a child watching Davy Jones goof around in reruns, and if I did think about the age gap between us, it was because it was still yet beyond me to conceive of being “that old”.  But now, the 22 year difference in our ages seem almost suddenly brief, and I anticipate it will feel like it is going by faster than the first 22 years in which Davy was a more active part of my life.  And here is where my antipathy towards relationships comes from… that time waits for no one and that each moment is precious.

In my last entry I talked about SD being a template for the women that I have encountered for much of the last decade.  The profile is that women talk about wanting a relationship but their actions are inherently contradictory to the achieving of that goal.  It is those behavioral patterns that “I don’t get, but I do”, and my reaction to it is to dismiss them and keep it moving, consigning the possible relationship aside, to forever to dwell among the ghosts of the forgotten.

When I was younger and had more ignorance than I did understanding, I did not mind trying to code and decipher the areas of the feminine mind.  After all, my interest in them was limited and to be honest, the minds of younger women were more interesting to me then, than the minds of women are now.  This isn’t a perspective thing… I thought that of the “Demi – Ashton” connections that I had as well.  I was not offended by an older woman thinking that “the small head” did most of the thinking because it was almost a rite of passage kind of arrangement to me.


Young, restless and feckless, those are the common traits of young men and young women.  Futures are yet to have been written, still unspooling out endlessly, promise beckoning seductively, as a young person time seemed to be there to be burned.  When I was young the next day, month, the next year was a blank slate and I never really had a pinpointed goal but a focused direction in mind.
For some people that is not enough of a goal but that is alright.  It is not written anywhere that you must have a concrete vision of what it is you want to be.  No one, or nearly anyone that ever grew to be great “knew” what they were going to be either.  What they did have is desire, and a willingness to sacrifice to move forward.  One of the ubiquitous “Successories” posters has a quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes that I ran into when I was still roaming the cube prairie back at the turn of the century. Greatness is not in where we stand, but in what direction we are moving. We must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it- but sail we must, and not drift, nor lie at anchor.”  Success, by any measure, is a challenge.  It is not something won easily but through hard work and effort, in fact, the same can be said of happiness, too. 

Because you don’t know if there’ll be anymore, so come on girl, what you waiting for?” Is a line I got from the Jungle Brother’s hip-hop classic, “So What You Waitin’For?”  From the time I first heard the song, the intention that it carried became fuse with that which dwells within me.  When it comes to striving for the things that I want, the ambitious to the mundane, I set my goals and do what I can to make my vision happen.  Growing up and embracing my appreciation for things that were unusual for a urban cat, it did not occur to me that I was “anything”.  Not wanting to beat the drum on this, but the mild ostracism that I had to put up with did not leave me too much worse for wear.  What HAS though has been the lack of urgency that women I have ran into for the past decade regarding relationships.

I don’t know why, but for the past 10 years I have spent my love life being involved with women who for whatever reason have made the decision to make a relationship an incidental function in their lives.  This has been of profound disappointment because I feel as though these women are guilty of the emotional equivalent of “false advertising”.

Anywho… I guess I will pick up from here when I next decide to scribble something here… possibly tomorrow.  It is a relatively “slow news week” , but you don’t see me complaining..!

1 comment:

mrs.missalaineus said...

i know after being in one serious relationship that ended abruptly in my 20s, it made more sense to me to focus on getting a real job and making sure i could take care of myself- so for years i worked on that and didn't date at all-then not dating and having that experience led me down the v2.0 path and we all know how that ended. i think that you have to make relationships equally important as everything else because you need the exposure to other people to be able to pick and choose who is really right for you-

hope class is going well- i'm behind in my reading as this was progress report week.