Monday, September 5, 2011



I went and did a little grocery shopping today at the Baker’s on Saddle Creek near my house today.  Took a handful of coupons and tried to weigh quality, quantity, and sales price as I shopped.  Since I ride my bike I took my Meijer’s( man, I miss that store!) bags so I don’t end up with a bunch of plastic ones that I will never have use for and mess up the environment.  Getting to the store is pretty easy as it is all downhill.  Getting back is not too bad but lugging the bags does slow a brother down a bit as well as having a bike model that is not ideally suited for city commuting.  All in all, it was not a bad ride and I made it back in one piece.

Kicking back after unloading and putting things away, I realize that I forgot a couple of items and I needed them NOW.  My legs were feeling a little worn and I did not want to go back but what was I gonna do?  So I swung my legs from the couch to the floor and saddled up and went back to the store.  On the way there I thought about several things and how they are related with today’s challenge.

Back when I first applied and was subsequently awarded my disability by Social Security it was simply called Chronic Traumatic Brain Injury, known more commonly as pugilista dementia.  In the last 5 years since I was diagnosed, there has been a rush of different descriptions that vary slightly according to what caused the injury and where the injury has taken place that I think causes a lot of confusion.  Also, since the symptoms resemble common complaints that most anyone can make, and that a lot of early diagnosis gets missed in many people even at the current level of public awareness.  When I spoke of my last fight in West Virginia, I talked about how I ‘heard’ a presence tell me that I had fought my last fight.  As soon as I got my gloves cut off, I started with my good-byes because that was it for me.  I prolly shouldn’t have drove home, but I prolly shouldn’t be living on my on either… o-o-oh-h we-e-l-l-l for all of that!

I will get back to why I am on my lonely in a other entry, because even though I was feeling achy today, and had to go back out to pick up stuff I had forgotten, I still managed to get what I wanted accomplished, done.

Nebraska gave me this link for a support group that meets through Alegent Health here in town and there are several national organizations available to call on if I think I need even more support.  I am already involved with Vocational Rehabilitation and I take care of my business on that end.  Another reason that I find it difficult to explain what I go through each moment of every day is that if I consider my task, to live on my own, I may well get ‘shook’.  Once that happens, the next step is for me to end up shut-in someone’s back room somewhere and being treated like a psychiatric patient in an asylum in the early part of the1900’s. 

I have already explained my feelings towards my sisters and while my Pops is always my Pops, he has more than enough on his plate.  More importantly I am not ready for someone to ‘take care of me’ and I am more than willing to take care of myself. 

If my lapse in my grammar and spelling in my blog and in comments are not significant enough of a struggle with my health for you, I gots nothin’!  Like baseball, there is NO crying when you deal with brain trauma..!


That corgi :) said...

Mark, does it help for you to make lists before you go shopping? I know these days I need lists to make sure I get what I need. Maybe a perpetual list you keep as you remember things you need between shopping trips? I think support groups are wonderful; I think it is good do get together with others going through similar experiences that can help you realize you aren't alone with what you are struggling with. I hope you venture out to explore what may be available to you and I hope you are doing as well as you can.


Jonthy, Alice the uppity white cat's babysitter said...

I always miss getting one or two things at the store. I think that corgi's suggestion about a list is a good one. However, when I sit down to make a list, I sometimes forget one or two things.

Don't worry about your grammar or syntax. You have some great insights about things and none of your readers are grammar pollicemen.

Toon said...

Would making lists help? I love finding other people's lists in shopping carts. It's like finding a page from somebody's diary and I try to figure them out from just a few clues.

FrankandMary said...

I understand (& relate to) all the "taking care of me" points all so very well. So far, I think you have been doing a damn good job...

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I can relate, being taken care of is a great fear I have.