Friday, July 29, 2011

RULES OF ATTRACTION

LOST HIGHWAY


I started blogging regularly after I had begun to mentally disconnect from my relationship with Mookie Dee and wanted to find an outlet to connect with people. MD not only had begun to play ‘cootie tag’ along with (at the time) unconfirmed rendezvous that were outside the boundaries of our monogamous relationship. A bit of my blogging at that time was about what was going on between me and her, along with my obligation to lil’ Mook as I was super struggling with my diagnosis of traumatic brain injury (and the host of other symptoms that came with it).


For instance, when I went out to the Jazz on the Green after my workout, I found myself spinning around as I stood trying to enjoy the music. It felt as though I was adrift in a small lake, either that or I had inhaled a couple of beers before I got to Midtown Crossing!


Taking inventory, I considered my workout. Had I perhaps exercised harder than I thought or was the ride uphill more taxing than I anticipated, leaving me fatigued? How come I rarely, if ever, feel this way when I am out in a crowd with Nebraska?? Then it hit me… I was starting to succumb to vertigo, one of the ‘added bonuses’ of having TBI. After there was a brief intermission to announce procedures should it begins raining, I decided to head for home.
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Julia, whose blog is called ‘Highway To A Husband’, has found someone that she likes enough to get to know, a cat she calls ‘Bama’. Recently they had an episode that echoed with me. They were riding around her old stomping grounds and they happened upon an old neighbor walking her dog. They pulled up and she introduced Bama as her ‘friend’. From that point on, Bama fell into a funk that would grow deeper as they rode along. When they went their separate ways, Bama did not pick up the phone to call the next day or the one after that. When they do speak, he is definitely not feelin’ it and would spend the rest of the weekend visiting his Mother.


Since it was obvious SOMETHING happened, she asked the question what was going on. I knew, like many of her readers knew, that when she describe him as a ‘friend’ after they have spent nearly six months together, he had to feel like she had left him ‘hangin’ on the telephone’.


(like no one saw this one coming!)

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Once you (and it is important that this is something that 'YOU DO') add up the pluses and the minuses, I think I end up on the sunny side of being a nice guy. When my ‘iffy’ judgment in the ‘aughts’ led to my losing Tee Jay, I decided to evaluate my direction in my life. I could not understand how I had come to find myself in a thick, dark wood, entangled in thorns and branches, but I did know I had to get myself free.

What made Tee Jay special… wow, I would have to make more than a single entry to describe all the things that were present between us. But the short of a long story is she is the only person I ever wanted to reconcile with and remain in a relationship. At this point of the story, gentle reader, especially those of you who have danced to the ‘Make Up to Break Up’ song. Don’t get drunk so I have never ‘drunk dialed’ anyone (something that my ex-wife can’t say!!) and since I like the odd beat of my drummer, off-beat and ill-conceived as it is, when I am alone it means I get to achieve.

But as every rule has its exception, she was the one for most, if not all, of the ones I had about women.
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When I read Julia’s latest entry, it was a punch in the gut. I recognized so much about it that I was personalizing everything about it, as at this point on her ‘highway’, her stay with Bama has begun to turn in something more than a mere ‘rest stop’ on her way to find a husband. Even with the uneven moments they have had with one another, they have both manage to not only resolve but repair any fissure in their relationship… and it is starting to become more than an ‘interesting detour’. Talking with her former neighbor, Julia had the Hollywood opportunity to deliver the line that the audience wanted to hear and she…

… made me think of situations I may have (or have not) found myself in. I thought about how I would feel (or am feeling) in a ambiguous relationship that I believe steps that have been taken should amount to something more than a brotherly ‘pat on the back’

Did I tell you I live in Omaha? Pretty much a stone’s throw from Boys Town?? What is that line… ‘He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother’… is that what everything amounts to, a kinship that is like more filial in nature than it is personal? Yeah, I personalized Bama’s plight but I try to leave objective and thoughtful comments, failing in that, I opt to put a positive spin to whatever I have to say. I know I am not the only person living through their blog and I operate on the presumption that whoever blog I am reading is living through theirs. I feel I owe them the best answer I can give someone who was close to me and facing whatever question they have chosen to share.

So I ended up throwing one ‘in the dirt’ and sucked it up for the next pitch.  The comment that I wanted to leave would have been mostly about 'me'.  I think that she was owed more than my PMS story.  That is what I have a blog for, dontcha know!

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Now as far as my foray into opinion and politics has gone, that is still near the forefront of my thoughts. While I think that the debt ceiling will be resolved, there is still a lot on my mind. I don’t understand how anyone in the other ‘ninety-whatever’ percent of the country that aren’t at least a millionaire can justify slashing ‘entitlement’ spending. Half of the people who receive federal government help don’t THINK that they receive any government assistance.  You know that number has to include a number of rabid Tea Baggers who think there is too much intrusion by the government.

The phenomenon is an intriguing one to say the least, one that is more than Faux News muddying up the news. The erosion of the middle class has been going on for the last 40 years and it is easy to point in the general direction of why it has been happening. What isn’t as simple is trying to get people to understand what is going on and how it can be stopped.

10 comments:

Toon said...

I think vertigo can also be a symptom of heat stroke. Be careful! Sometimes one person in a couple will introduce the other to a third party as "a friend" which is so much easier than saying "lover".
Love that song, though.

Jonthy, Alice the uppity white cat's babysitter said...

Mark, sorry to hear about your vertigo. I've luckily never experienced that, but I've read where it can be overwhelming.

As far as the middle class, I'm not sure there is one anymore. The debt ceiling crisis is the best indicator that the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. It's just a fraction of difference about how much poorer. It's a sad statement about the future I'm afraid.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I think a lot of folks say "friend" when they are introducing a date these days.

Be careful with the vertigo, buddy. That's sort of scary stuff.

Love you lots,

SB

Lovebabz said...

You have a beautiful cadence to your writing...the way you think...the rhythm... beautiful.

I seem to lost my ability to blog... So I am living vicariously through those I admire...YOU.

Vertigo? I know the Movie ;) So I have some reference for what perhaps you were feeling.

Rules of attraction...hhmm.

LceeL said...

Vertigo is some scary shit - the feeling of loss of control can be overwhelming.

And as for the middle class? I give up. I can't deal with the "head in the sand" people anymore.

Peace out.

♥ CG ♥ said...

A bunch here I can relate to, Mark (including the vertigo). I wish I had some super magic wand that could repair and undo some of the hurt we've all experienced at one time of another based on the actions or words of others. I guess these experiences are intended to make us stronger and wiser, so being able to take the lesson away from the situation is always important...but never ever easy *sigh*. I appreciate your giving us a glimpse into your world :-).

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Hope the vertigo was an isolated incident.

FrankandMary said...

All the guys I know who have divorced parents never have a problem intoducing me to their fathers girlfriends, but when it comes to their moms men it is always...This is my mother's friend, Steve.

Are you hydrated? Dad had a few vertigo issues 20 years ago that turned out to be dehydration issues.~Mary

Nebraska said...

I say "friend" because at my age, it feels a little funny (for me) calling a man a boyfriend.
A lot of women introduce their significant other as "my friend" and its not meant to devalue the status they share.

I have to agree to with Toon on the vertigo. I know you suffer from that but it has been hot as hell out and you keep pushing it like its only 65 degrees. The gym to Turner Park is up hill. Mix that with the heat and after working out like you do...not a good combination.
Be careful Mark!

V said...

Sorry to hear about your vertigo. A cousin of mine has vertigo. She keeps loosing balance and falling down.
and hey! Thanks for commenting and for the following :)