AND I'M TIRED OF THE SOUP DU JOUR

HE'S BEEN WITH THE WORLD

Somehow, memories of wearing a cheap, yellow, plasticy suit along with understanding a misunderstanding that is no longer misunderstood brought the 'ABOARD THE NOSTROMO' entry to mind. And despite its rambling length, it was still a real expressing of what was churning inside my head. Today's title and heading are a nod to everyone's favorite microbiologist (at least mine, 'cause she is the only one I know!) Beth, who took in a Devo show in Chicago. Before anyone goes any further, go back and read this and CRITIQUE as well as comment! If I am going to be a writer, I would like to know where I am screwing up as much as I like to hear that I have actually wrote something worth reading. Now, let the show commence...

Debated with myself on letting it go, especially since there is an understanding... but 'it' will not let me rest. I still find sleep elusive and I wonder if this is how insomiacs start out?

Anywho, certain subjects and certain phrases that are being used in the blog world and the ol' analog world are helping to, if not feed, keep, the 'thing' in my mind that has a hold of me active and 'it' does not seem to be willing to let go of me.

One phrase, 'to prove a negative'... I wonder if it would fit in refuting the notion that I am not 'black'. This is not to say that I am not an 'African-American', but it is a slap at ones culture and an ignorantly jealous attempt at destabilizing someone who is comfortable with their identity.

Many folks who check the box on the census but fail to do it when they are in the streets have all sort of reasons for cherry-picking through being black. I don't give a f*ck what a so-called 'brother' (or sister, for that matter) think about me and my Enya CD's or my appreciation for Martha Stewart and re-runs of the 'Golden Girls'. And I mean that.

It does not matter if it is an 'engineered affectation', as it is with crappy Jan, who for her own reasons, decided to consciously choose that route. It doe not matter if it is truly environmental, as it is for some black children who are born in places like Novi or Clarkston, who may be 'first generation children', who will grow up and acculturalize the way you expect any middle-to-upwardly middle class kid in the area to do, fitting in to 'their norm' on the real.

Why do black people have such a problem with maintaining their 'identity' at the exspense of moving in an affirmative direction? Nobody else heard what Jesse Jackson heard in Dan Gilbert's remark about Le Bron, at least not until he mentioned it. Everyone's favorite 'ghetto promoter' recently made some clownish comments that were so stereotypical, I am surprised he was not wearing blackface when he said it. No, that is too far back... and since he already has the afro, how about gold chains around his neck and a platform shoes with his bell bottoms floating in the breeze. I had thought about linking to and pasting some of his comments that I thought was 'drink-the-kool aid' speak, but I do not want to lose my own focus.

The upshot of it is, black people only think of brotherhood when there is a profit motive behind it. I know, that is a blanket statement and it covers a lot of folks who are doing good in the community. But again, that is what is so neat about this being MY JOURNAL, that I get to say what I feel and I can understand the full scope of what I am saying. You want clairity, give me your number and we can call. Hey, or we can meet out in RO and chit the chat about it.

Hell, one of the big problems about having a dialogue on race is that we are STILL trying to figure what 'we' are? Black people are so full of shit when it comes to this topic, I swear (and I just did too!! who sez I can't set up a joke!!), that while some may have reveled in the achievements of people like Nathaniel Hale Williams, they did not have an understanding of what that journey had to have been for them. Some of what blacks were limited by through stereotype and Jim Crow society had to be left behind. I could not imagine any of the fantastic and great leagacy heroes of African American lore, spending that much time in a juke joint or trying to shoot dice with the boys swilling 'shine.

Much of the problem in this culture is that black cling to in America is like trying to prove a negative. Blacks in this country still think that all blacks can dance, eat chicken, men have big men parts and their women are somehow fantastically gifted at the nurturing thing. What-the-fuck-ever. You call one a greasy, jigaboo, stud, mammy blaster, and see what happens.

When you claim that you can not prove something, the burden of proof is on the one making the positive affirmation. I know that there are three kinds of numbers, (lies, damned lies, and statistics) but the consensus of them are not in our favor. Got to wonder why that is...

POGO KNEW IT

African Americans are their own worst enemy. While I know that culture evolves slowly, the same historical trends seem apparent to me when it comes to 'affirming ones blackness'. One of them, which I think has been a theme in my journal, is that we exploit ourselves as badly, if not worse, than someone from another ethnic group would. The ol' Willie Lynch principle come to life.

I tend to see the anger at the civil rights exemptions, the anti-discrimination laws, and EEO policies, as people looking through frustrated-coated glasses. One of the reasons that it different ethnic groups work together as well as they do in the Military, is due in no small part to the culture of meritocracy. No one gets to where they are unless they have earned it.

To be sure, many blacks who occupy slots in college that were 'set aside', have earned their way. But when their is verifiable evidence of people who were non-qualifiers who recieve a set aside spot, well, that is going to make someone upset.

Now, there was a period where the 'each one, teach one' thing was strong in the community. Where has it gone?? A lot of it had to do with not white, but black flight. The curse of desegregation. What you can find in other ethnic enclaves is not what you will find in most African-American neighborhoods. A lot of that is because black people abandoned their own neighborhoods and places of doing business.

You can bore me with all the talk about what oppression does to a person's self esteem and values system. You can irrate me with talk about a lack of appreciation for culture and morality.

Mentioning Jan was to introduce how cruel people can be. There is the whole 'light- skinned, straight hair hair v. dark-skinned, nappy hair crap. Jan is what some may call, dark-skinned. She was taunted and teased because of it. One of her defences was to stop associating with the culture and that black people were normally interested in. She tried to hide here 'accent' and thought that she could simply 'talk pretty one day' and be seen in a different way. For her, ANYTHING was better than the crap box she was placed in by her "own" people.

Her last straw happened at a HBCU in Alabama. I was never privy to her two year experience there, but something happened and she 'stopped being black'. She started listening to music that was as far away from the kind of music she like BEFORE going down south than she did after she returned. Something that was brewing in her boiled over and...

NOW IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I AM DOING..?

I still am not sure yet. I ended up buying a bike today, because a bike for me is what a car is to most adults. Catching the bus annoys the crap out of me. Besides, the SFC had given me money to purchase a new bike and I have been holding onto it, the thinking being that I will add some loot to it and upgrade from my usual brand to a more upscale one.

Walking past a shop last week, I saw the upgrade from my last bike ... ON SALE. So today I went ahead and bought it. Three bills is still three bills, I say. Not did I breakdown and purchase a bike, it is a direct upgrade from the bike I left in Va., Trixie.

Tomorrow I will start the search for an appropriate box to ship it in and let that be the bike I travel around Omaha on. Will solicit for names for HER, eventually. Again, if I had a choice of where you paid me any attention, I'd rather you go read my entry in the 100-Word Challenge. If you were here now that you ARE here, I would give you a big wet kiss!!