Tuesday, July 13, 2010

...DIDN'T HAVE 99 PROBLEMS, BUT I DID HAVE ONE

...BITCHES GON' COME AND BITCHES GON' GO...*

*the language is essential part of the story!






As much as I talk about this show I need to have a badge or something to show my appreciation for the programming. I do contribute to WUOM, even while I was in NOVA, so you would figure I'd have SOMETHING up showing how cool I think NPR is, wouldn't you? That is definitely one thing that I am grateful to the internet for, the ability to listen on-line to MY NPR station!

Since I don't believe that anyone reading has the seven minutes or so to listen to Jeff tell his story about his first big time break up with a girlfriend in college (a passage into adulthood, he calls it) and his sister's real and undeniable support of him. Describing the situation, lying on the bed listening to The Smith's, tears in his eyes, his little sister drops that piece of invaluable knowledge. If you didn't do anything else today, listen to the first two minutes of this story to grasp the contrasting themes between them that melts when it comes to their familial bond.

I think that is what makes me bitch (yeah, I SAID it!! That IS what I have been doing lately!!) about the twins and Jan. I don't see how they could manage to contort a reason explaining why they backed my ex-wife OVER me during my crap marriage and subsquent divorce. Now, the reason that this resonates is that Jeff did get the opportunity do 'repay' his younger sister's intentions later and that is a funny story. But as Jeff relates the situation, there is one thing about my 'big brothership' that rarely happened, and definitely not to the extend that it did in other families.

Called Jan 'stinky teen' during her teen years and my brother 'Drooki-man' and 'mee-own, skee-own'. That was it and it was only in the house. I'd never set them up for failure in mixed company because it was already hard enough for us in the 48219, delivering papers to that little corner of the city. But in his story Jeff talks about a certain 'look' that his younger sister has on her face, one that he recognizes from being its source many times. That wasn't the kind of 'big brother' I was. I never got any value from aggravating my peeps. If anything I was always trying to figure out ways to include everyone. Jump rope contests, two-square tournaments, not to mention races up and down the block. I enjoyed my sibs because they were who I had to play with. If anything, if there was a most awkward thing about my teens, it wasn't my growing up but THEIRS. I missed playing and hanging around with them and their was too much to relay in a journal. Besides, I already hung that on the emergence of Jan and 'the spirit of Harry Mention' in our home so...
...another reason that I hate on Facebook is that the twins rarely email me but they will reach out to me on that site. When I leave, I may simply 'unfriend' them. But for the next two weeks at least, I will be accessible to them and their inane updates they share.
I glaze over them and the pictures of their latest activity. The twin in the Army is 'super short' and looking forward to Fort Lewis, Washington. Rainy but a great duty station. She should have an enjoyable time with her family there. Getting back to Facebook, the twin in Chicago sent me a message and wants for me to call her. Now I have seen some of her postings and I can figure out from what she says, the same way Jeff could tell by her sister's face, that something is going on.
Dealing with the swirl of emotion that comes up whenever I have to choose between being there for someone and doing what is best for me, has tripped me up more times than I care to count. After her visit to Detroit a few months ago, I made a decision then and there to solve for her as a variable in the equation of my life.
As long as I can afford to finance my own burial, I don't think I would want for communication from any of them. Listening to Jeff and hearing of their bond reinforced that for me. Were they not my family and simply made aquaintances, I don't think there would be any conflict regarding my choice. They have both told me what I needed to hear from them and that is that with that.

3 comments:

mrs. miss alaineus said...

i like that 'As long as I can afford to finance my own burial, I don't think I would want for communication from any of them'.

that's pretty much where i am with my former/ex step sister. there's no long ago forgotten friendship to rekindle so the need to return the contact doesnt seem necessary to me.

i keep forgetting to friend you on the fb and with the time i spend there, you'd think it's be impossible to forget.

xxalainaxx

Jonthy, Alice the uppity white cat's babysitter said...

Mark,
It's interesting that family members are sometimes not anyone you would give a second glance to if they weren't family members. That's true in every family. I often wonder if some of my siblings are really my siblings because we are so different.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I hear what you are saying, but I also know that cutting ties with family can be non-reversable. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.