Wednesday, May 6, 2009



... so why can't I? I don't know how to insert links or anything, at least not as well as I see them done in other journals. It is sooo seamless, sometimes, the word or sentence itself is the link. It will be a different colour from the rest of the text, and when you scroll on it and click, there you are!

Man, I am such a tech idiot. I am not proud to be that way, but getting into computer stuff is like getting into jazz. Those who are into it are such snobs, and they make me feel as if I am dunderhead, because I can't appreciate the beauty of either computing or jazz. If I could, I would insert them where appropriate. Perhaps it is just as well.


I have always liked Radiohead. It is almost always a good time for a Radiohead song.


The reason that the 'party in the back, business in the front', tatted, 'Thug Live' cat in the wife beater, who somehow has his doctorate from Ivy Covered University, working to fight cancer is included with Santa and the Easter Bunny, is fairly simple.

FOR BLACK WOMEN ESPECIALLY, there is a real shortage of eligible partners. At HBCU's, the ratio of sisters to black men is SEVEN to ONE. Let that sink in for a bit. So if KT were to make it all the way to Charlotte, to work in one of the big tall buildings in the queen city, the chances that she would find a brother to be her partner, one who is as accomplished as she is, are long indeed.

Even if I do rag on women, this is one place where I don't fault them. The ratio is one that hasn't really changed much, because it was something like this when I was coming out of high school some 25 years ago.

Brothers aren't graduating high school, let alone college. You make 40% more over your lifetime with a college degree. That is real. So if a brother hasn't started tracking to potentially building a better life by the time he is 16 (cause if you ain't thinking about college, like my nephew, in your junior year, you ain't going to go nowhere), it is unlikely that he ever will.

Ever. That is deep. Now, is it really too much to take from a hypothesis that says, if a brother isn't disciplined enough to graduate high school, that finding a job and working at it, especially at the hourly he will be getting, being a good partner for a woman isn't a priority.

What is the thinking behind someones swagger, or style being a leading indicator of whether or not they are a good partner?

There is some Belle Isle psychology that talks about how the excitement and risks that these kinds of cats represent attracts women. It is something instinctive, or whatever. I would ask my sisters (even though I have all of MAYBE two black readers, me and the person that put this question in my mind) how is that working for them?

How did that cat get to where he is the one that is pre-spending the money he doesn't have yet, but his 'swag' makes him confident that he is going to get it? Ooh, that is a long and winding tale, that I have to say that I don't feel like telling. Not because it relates to me, but because I am not a 'kool aid drinker'. Some of the commonly held excuses made, I don't think are entirely valid, especially not for my contributions to the climate.

And that is what has the change, the climate. It is a different kind of society now, roles are no longer static. The changes have happened fast, and this so-call 'bad boy' transformation is passe and dangerous. Women lose so much more falling for these cats, making things harder for everyone.

In the conversation that I over heard recently, one woman was trying to say that because someone is dressed for the hood, doesn't mean he doesn't have a degree. She then contrasted him with the "nerd", who may turn out to be the 'serial killer du jour'.

Bad logic like that, is one of the reasons that women have such a difficult time finding and recognizing a good partner. The numbers don't bear that out at all. Guys who dress like he is standing on the corner with his boys, IS GOING TO GO STAND AROUND ON THE CORNER WITH HIS BOYS. That is why he is dressed like that.

Look, I know that there are 'degrees' to Patrick Bateman (a better example than Ted Bundy IMO...), and it doesn't mean that 'nerds' will be a better partner. BUT the damage in the long run tends to be less crucial, and can be recovered from as a learning experience.

Bad boys. Feh! WHY do you think they are called BAD BOYS??

I remember one of Tavis Smiley's 'State of Black America' thingys where he had Judge Greg Mathis on the panel. Now the Judge used to be a member of one of the biggest drug gangs around here in the 80's, Young Boys Incorportated. He did whatever he had to do, in order to turn his life around. He urged brothers to 'man up' and do what it took to be better husbands, fathers, and partners. Stop finding excuses for whatever it was that you were doing that contributed to the problem in the community. Start doing what you knew was the right.

The reasons that I would want to cop to, are poor excuses for my behaviour. Whether I got invited to the 'reindeer games' in high school ... or that my wife was the wrong person ... or that when I went to school, AKA wouldn't have been MY AKA there ... what? When did any of my insecurities become justification for poor judgement?

Bad boys don't have the wherewithal to think of anything besides their own sense of gratification. Their egoism makes them insensitive to the feelings and well being of others. And some women think that if they could just add 'a dash of spice that is nice' that to them, convince them that they can still be a 'roughneck with swag' as well as caring and thoughtful boyfriend...

Here is where I get off the bus. I can admit to a lot of things, but if you want to purposely hit yourself on the thumb with a hammer ...


Because for the sisters, it is literally unhealthy. Now, some of this may seem to be talking out my arse, but I won't be bothered if anyone thinks so. But I think that many of the health problems that Black Women suffer from is related directly to the bad partners that we brothers make for them. Hypertension, which becomes compounded with poor diet, and is directly related to stress, could be alleviated in a household with a male wage earner in it.

Stroke, heart disease. diabetes, all of these things could be decreased if brothers found a way to be more respectful to our women. In my mind, the economic burden that single mother's have to face make them more susceptible to preventable, treatable illness.

I could go on and on, with the things that could be corrected if brothers simply sucked it up and quit hiding behind aprons. Yeah, the conversation that I overheard is an example of this, because the idea of finding a saggy pant, well mannered and accomplished man, is the unrealistic ideal that a sister has to shoot for. If he ain't dribblin' a basket ball, he ain't the next LeBron or Kobe. Maybe he can rap like Fifty or Jay Z ... maybe get 'crunk' like Lil' Jon.

But that he will go get a job, paying well enough to support a family and send someone to college and buy a house? For the general population, it is being pushed further away, so how much more so for the minority population? Especially one that has suffered as blacks have in American Society??


I don't care for Clarence Thomas ... and reading his book, 'Grandfather's Son', I have even more solid reasons for not being a fan of his. BUT, as with Judge Mathis call to 'man up', I think there is more to the Justice's 'bootstraps' comment he made to indicate his view on civil rights laws.

Generally, he is misguided. Like I said, his own words solidified that in my mind. Yet there is something to pulling yourself on, when there doesn't seem to be anything else to help you along. Here is why I don't want it to be said that I make excuses. But later for that



Anonymous said...

To insert a link, here's the code:

[a href=""]the text[/a]

Except instead of the boxy brackets [ ], use the pointy ones < >

Your browser should have a button somewhere that says "View Source" or something similar. You can learn how to do a lot of things by clicking that button and seeing how other people did it.

miss alaineus said...

i think the world would be a much more interesting place if more chicks just acted out on their 'bad' side rather then finding a 'bad boy' to live vicariously through.

just my two cents.


Arriel said...

this was a good post! i can relate myself to some of this and choosing the "bad boys" and its definitely related to health problems, hence the fact i gained 50 pounds over a guy who was the "bad boy" and less than what i had deserved! Anyway... hope everything is going well with you. It's been a while sine I posted, or left you a comment. All is well, and hope it is your way too!

Beth said...

I don't think the bad boy syndrome is limited to blacks. I was susceptible to it, and I've had many friends who were, too. It wasn't until I figured out that I deserved better than such treatment, that I was capable of more and better, that I broke out of that mindset. Part of it has got to be having a sense of your own self-worth!

I'm a firm believer in stress causing many of our physical health problems. It's been shown that stress affects the immune system. As you mentioned, high blood pressure can cause many further problems.

Hugs, Beth

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

The thing is, you can settle, or try and wait, and then you get lonely, and you make mistakes, and end up settling anyway. Not being to choosy may be the key.

Indigo said...

I agree with Alaina. I had more than my share of bad boys and wish on some level I'd broken that habit long before I did. Thomas explained it pretty well. I'm giving you a link to a website that explains HTML code, it's what helped me understand it. (Hugs)Indigo

a corgi said...

don't feel bad about not knowing how to insert links, Mark; I still can't figure out how to put in a song from You-Tube. Looks like Thomas/Indigo gave you good places to start on how to insert links

I wished we lived closer; this entry spoke to me in regards to my son/his friends. They would get a wealth of information talking with you for sure!