FILLING THE SPACES BETWEEN PLACES

ANATOMY OF A MURDER



Excellent movie that I saw last night at the Old Redford Theatre. It is an old style movie house, refurbished and they show a variety of things there, MCTOS/Redford Calendar of Events and it is a pleasure to see that it has been brought back.



Tried to watch the Miss USA pageant, but fell asleep. There was a reply on at midnight, but after I made it back home, I was close to wiped. Want to 'see' if KT was in there ...



MAYBE IT ISN'T ABOUT 'BEING BORED' ...



That has been on my mind, making a change in my 'inner dialogue', regarding 'boredom'. In Beth's journal over at Nutwood Junction, 'boredom is not an option'! Myself, I have thought of boredom as something that you go thru when you pass from one experience to the next, especially when you aren't sure of where you are heading.



When I think about people being 'bored', I think that they can't stand the quiet moments in life, where there is no drama, no climatic resolution to a big bunch of nothing, in short, no drama. I have always been leery of people like that ... sometimes, sitting down and letting your mind settle and listening to it, is not a bad idea. I don't mean chillin' with Mary J. Blige or whatever ghetto songstress is marketing as 'real emotions' and you are now lost in the heartbreak of bad relationships.



And fair play, guys do the same thing. Not so much as emotionally, but in a life perspective way. 'Live Rich Or Die Tryin'' was the name of a 50 Cent album ... and there is the movie 'Notorious', a fictionalization of the rapper Biggie Smalls (who I could not STAND!!), who fed into the misogyny of 'black manhood'.



When they can't have the stylized versions of life that is being served up by the media, they are left with the reality of the emptiness of their own lives. Filling in the quiet moments of their lives with what the media puts out ... people can't STAND that.



60 SECONDS OF DISTANCE RUN...



... but you don't have to run every minute. And you shouldn't be running just to run.



This is why changing your life is a process. You can't reasonably expect to say I am going to be 'this' and tomorrow expect things to be 'that' (and you STILL wonder why I say they aren't related?). There came a point where things started to 'slow down', and I could see what was happening in my life, pick up on the patterns that were specific to me, and my happiness. It was at this time, I saw 'boredom' as one of the things that was at the root of a lot of mistakes.



Studying for class is boring for a teenager. Having to sit and learn a new system for a job is boring. Doing the laundry for the house is boring. The drudgery of the simple tasks that help makes the big things happen, usually gets labeled as 'boring'.



In relationships, there are way too many things that are 'boring', that actually make up the body of what is GOOD about being in love, a true and strong love. I remember helping Mookie clean the house on weekends ... and I remember doing the laundry when I was married ... stuff like that is 'boring'.



So I learned to make it fun. I tried to appreciate it for all the things that it wasn't ... especially with Mookie. The progression of my relationships have brought me a step closer, each time. One of the reasons I think I have made progress, is that I have accepted 'the boredom' that happens when you free yourself from the drama you have mistaken for normal.



Thinking that everybody is unhappy and have to go through heartache and the twist and turns that is offered by life ... misses the key point. It is OFFERED, which means you have a CHOICE. Thing is, when you are used to making crap choices, and the ensuing drama, the peace that comes from making better choices, creates a vacuum in a life.



At least it did in mine. I began to analyze a little, and it came to me that the stuff that life was offering to fill the empty space, was not necessarily good for me. But if I didn't put anything in that place, that time, wouldn't I get ... bored?



That is when I began to accept 'boredom' as a good thing, considering it was better than the alternative. Drama awaits to be had. I could start getting impatient, and jump the gun regarding Tee Jay (oh, policy regarding her is in the hands of the 'D.O.D' as, 'things have changed'), start pestering Nebraska, or any number of things that will fill the empty space, but with what?



The acceptance of being bored ... reminded me of what was said about their never being a good reason for doing nothing, even in the shoring up of your defense, you are acting. Dealing with boredom is like a defensive position, and I sit and look at the potential mistakes out there, waiting to be made ... and if the impulse to do 'something stupid' was too great, then I would look at the worst of all things I could do, and then do something other than that!

Perhaps I can change that, and choose an option other than 'boredom'. I will think a little about it ... after all, no need to change for the sake of change. You will end up like the Detroit Pistons, who are watching the Denver Nuggets light it up with Chauncey Billups and they are languishing with Allen Iverson (though as for that, they should get it together!)

Have a great day!