A Song For ...

... WHATEVER, WHATEVER

Nebraska asked me recently if I had a song for 'us'. I mentioned one song, sung by Jill Scott (who else?) that she shared with me, 'Whenever You're Around'. But don't let the title fool you. It was more for my relationship with Mookie, as it describes someone who would feel 'less than' when the other was around.

It jumped to mind because she sent it to me. I don't get the chance to listen to the music she sent to me, because it is on my portable storage, and I have decided not to mess with that stuff until I get my own laptop.

Actually I have a couple of songs for her, and just for her. When I say that, I mean no matter where I am in life, my thoughts would turn to her ever so briefly, and the smile I would be wearing would be for her.

Another song that she sent, by the beautiful Ms. Scott (who is back 'in play', to my understanding!), really does capture what I am feeling for her. "Come See Me" is a song that promises the wants of the yearning of two hearts ... that yearn for each other. I can imagine HER, not someone, but HER, singing this song and expressing her desire for the kind of love I would offer her, bidding me 'come see me, right now.'Man, it covers everything that I think our relationship IS about ... all the while she, er, Jill is as anxious to take part and show the love she harbours for 'her man'.


That has a nice ring ... 'her man'. I like being referred to someone as 'her man'.

I am up late, my legs aching from the discovery that I am further from Royal Oak than I am downtown! I went to see 'Slumdog Millionaire' which was well worth the trip! Got to sit next to a girl who reminded me of MJB, and we both ended up whispering back and forth to each other! Four stars!

But this song ... other than this being an late fall night, could really describe how our situation is. I really and truly believe that she is fighting what she may be feeling for me. Some of what makes her fight her emotions, I have to say, SHOULD make her fight her feelings. I am so not what she had, or was involved with as to my understanding. And I can dig that. At the same time, she wants someone to love her, to envelop her with their desire, special and unique to and for her.

I want that for her as well. And I want it to come from where she wants it. Because she is the IT GIRL for me, doesn't mean I am the guy for her. And I can deal with that. She does have my application for the position of 'her man' on file ..!

TIPPIN' MY HAND

But Mark, you say ... what about Tee Jay and your feelings for her? Not to mention AKA (who was spotted in the pack again ...) ... well, no one ever said that this was going to be a surgical process, nice and neat, did they?
And let it not be forgotten, when I made my choice to do an 'ex List', I put her on it too.

I do think that if I don't have the love in me already that she is looking for, I can generated it. My heart is a deep as the deepest sea, and I would fill it with only her. This much I am certain. Some of the advice that Ken has given recently, falls into the 'we knew the environment' category. Sometimes, I question myself, not that I have them per se, but because I need to be certain of the answers.

For instance ... this ex-List thing. Nebraska didn't think she should be considered an 'ex', but I wonder if she has ever done the unrequited thing for anyone? So she is on it and that is what kept her in play. Not only is she in play, but it is because of what makes dating an ex such a not good idea, that has her in the lead. Because we DON'T have much of a history, and all I know of her is that she confirmed the positive feelings I have held for her, whereas with Tee Jay and AKA, I DO know them very well.

WHY I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE

So why am I doing it now? Well somehow, it made sense. Tee Jay was the first girl that I got stuck on, and I wanted to get back with her. So I told myself that I had 'met' my girl, and needed to try and see if I could find her and start again. This has been covered, and I think it is still sound. It 'double qualifies', because it is something new for me, as well as a thought out plan.

The reason that I have never done this before, is that as you have read, I am very introspective. But other people aren't so inclined to look into themselves to find solutions to their problems, much less see themselves as the source of their issues. They find their comfort and solace in what they don't know, and the questions they need to ask themselves as to 'why' they are what and where they are, go unasked.

When I ask myself why I am in my situation, I can tell you, and accept your criticism of my choices and grow. How many people go on with their flaws and continue to be flawed. THIS is why I have never 're-dated'. It isn't like they were without THEIR CONTRIBUTION to the negative aspects of our relationship.

Just as there are things about me that are 'less than', so too are their things with Tee Jay and for shure about AKA. What are they going to do about them? As to Nebraska ... I will get to the three of them another time ... finally, I am sleepy!

Listen to the lyrics of this song! There is another song for the 'Nebraska Concept', but I will save that for another day ...