AREN'T YOU EXCITED ..?

FINISH STRONG

Been running everyday, doing some exercises 'n stuff. Better you start, the better you will finish. I read somewhere that runners who start out fast, tend to finish fast in races of 1500m or more. But if you haven't ever ran before, or you have let yourself fade into walking, you prolly don't know what to expect when you DO decide to put in that effort.

What is going to happen after the initial rush, is that you are going to want to fade. Your body is going to tell you that, 'hey, you just had a burst, you need to take a break'. BUT what you are going to tell your body is that you are going to keep moving, no matter what.

What did Marcellus tell Butch? "That's just pride, effin' with you. Fight through that!" And really, that is what you do.

OKAY, OKAY...

Sure that readers, especially anyone who has read more than two entries know that I am about facing my fears. And that is what this journey has been for me. Dealing with one's past loves, was for me, a new experience. Most women live in the vacuum created by crappy songs and media manipulated expectations in relationships. THAT'S why once I had been 'broke' from someone, it may as well as been like we never met, because I would not call them.

How do I know that it took me 4 years to finally get over Tee Jay? Because I wrote letters, never mailed, until I could stop thinking about her. Sure, it was my mistake, and when we did our dinner, she asked why I never let her know ...

There were two, and only two reasons. The first was that while I may have been wrong, I thought at the time that I was making the best choice, difficult though it may have been. As to 'hasslin' her, as she moved on ... I really loved her, and thought that the best thing for me was to be grateful for what we had, and to celebrate her new life, her happiness.

Never dealt with all that icky 'love triangle' thing (one incident ... may NEVER go over that ... quit being so voyeuristic!). At the start of our relationship, she said she was tired of being on that merry go round. If she was still willing to ride it, it would have had to be without me.

I would write the letters, to deal with the feelings that I still had for her. The notion, the idea, the PRINCIPLE I held regarding that situation was sound, and it would be what I would tell others ... do whatever it takes NOT to do what you think would be the worst thing, no matter how strong it pulls on you.

Spent hours writing those letters. Because I KNEW it was better to be true to what I believed in, than to find a reason to give in. How many times, had I watched people act out of what they set as their boundaries? Though mine are pretty fluid, this happened to be at one of the few 'posts' that I have.

FINDING MYSELF

That is what I think is happening. Being willing to struggle with my 'new normal', and making a life for me, all the things that I am encountering on my trip ... setting me up for my 'something special'.

Sorry if this is sort of a ramble ... I can't wait for the New Year to start, and I get to work on building the life I want for me. It has been a good while since I have felt this ... this GOOD!

I can hardly contain myself, to be perfectly honest. Glad to be where I am 'from', grateful for the people who read and let me read what is what for them ... glad that I have positive things to look forward to.

SPEAKING OF TEE JAY

Did speak to her the other day. Felt more like her 'girlfriend', listening to her talk. I didn't know what to say ...