ONE YEAR WITHOUT YOU ...
... and I can't forget. Two years with out you and I still haven't gotten over you yet!
That is an exaggeration, as I was channeling my inner Belinda Carlisle (isn't that one of the coolest names!) and the line from the Go-Go song, 'Vacation'. Been a year since I have seen Nebraska ... six months since I left Mookie. Good enough, then. Good enough time to run a 'check'.
SO WHAT CAN YOU TELL THEM?
First, want to get into a phenomenon that I have run into with some sister girls (more on that, later). They apparently are 'infallible' to the point of omnipotence, as long as they are not applying that knowledge to their own lives. When it comes to that, they are as lost as all get out.
Thinking about Mookie, and for the first time I am going to take her out to the wood shed, I think she has screwy priorities. She wants the wrong stuff in her life, material things. Now don't get me wrong, I like nice things too (several folks have called me names like 'label whore', when describing my tastes), but I let go my Bentley dreams around my 4th of 5th loss, and Pecan Sandie couldn't help me steer my career out of the rocks.
IMO, you start getting real with those sort of idealizations once you turn 30. Fine and well that you want to pursue that dream of yours, but might be time to check for messages, because life may be trying to get a hold of you.
See, some of the things Mookie wants, she should have been working on that YEARS AGO. There have been all sort of stories where someone in her circumstance, from her background, made 'it' happen for themselves. They went to school, the worked hard, they raised their child(for some -ren) and got after it.
Still waiting on Prince Charming, is not realistic. Didn't want to rain on her parade, but he isn't gonna be at some 'Booty Shake' club, to whisk you off his phat Benz or Rolls ... nope, not gonna happen.
So, what do you tell someone like that?
MAKE THE BIG TIME WHERE YOU ARE
Can not, CAN NOT stress that enough. Where ever you are, what ever you are doing, make the most of what you have. As I have gone hither and yon, here and back again, that is what I find most common to those who are pleased with themselves and their lives. They make the big time out of the time they have.
By no means am I suggesting that anyone settle. I don't think that is 'what's what' either. Yet certainly there is a point where a person has to start being real with themselves.
Mookie should have done better in school. She should have went to college, got a degree, and met that Mr. Man and bought that sch-wheet house out in Haslett or Rochester, or where ever the folk purchase their 'safe and stable homes'.
She could have done a lot of things, if that is what she wanted. One of the things that I DON'T think she did, is work for it.
FAIR PLAY
I guess, being halfway to eighty, I can take a peek at some of MY 'shoulda, woulda's'. I have never failed to admit to myself my complicity in my own circumstances. There are REASONS I am back at my Father's house.
I DID NOT get the best grades, instead letting my school's rep speak for me, and doing just enough to get by.
I DID NOT suck it up when I was stationed in a place I used to call 'a sh*thole town', and let that move me out of the service.
And yes Mabel, I DID KNOW I was marrying the wrong woman ... got blond-itis or something.
Of course, I can go on and on. Yup, I know enough about why I am here ... my thing is, why don't the Mookie's of the world know why THEY ARE where they be, savvy? Crowding up the queue's to see the latest take on 'Waiting To Get Her Exhale Groove Back' movie as the authoress (for whom it DID NOT WORK FOR EITHER) further bashes the same BLACK MEN her audience is going to have to cook or sleep with on Oprah ...
... you get the picture. That sort of behaviour is of the 'spite the nose' vein, is it not?
IMO, this sets the table for a cycle of failure, of low expectations not being met, of modest goals still beyond reach.
A BIT OF A RANT...
... or tough love. Again, six of one ... Going to 'stick' with this for a bit. May get a little ugly, and uncomfortable.
7 comments:
Because looking at our own failure may cause us to see that we failed. No one likes to fail, but unless we acknowledge and take responsibility, and WORK for it (whatever IT is)we can't/won't get it. It is easier to wait on something that is never going to happen, dreaming, than working for it. Then blame everyone else!
You have an inner Go-Go too?? Cool!
;)
My lips are sealed, dude!
Love,
Russ
I like what Myra said; those were very wise words
take care of yourself Mark
betty
As a pale skinned girl... who has dated a few darker skinned princes in her life... I have found that the strong, empowered black Oprah style woman has become a huge turn off to black men. It is one thing to be confident... it is quite another to be so worried about yourself that you fail to have empathy for your partner. I have been the softer place to land for a few men who have had enough.
I love that you're exploring your past (failed) relationships because that means they were not wasted time for you. It was part of what is developing you into the man you are meant to be. You can never fix the other person but you can correct what it is within yourself that allowed you to be attracted to flawed characters in the first place.
Always a pleasure, my dear...
*hugs*
heather
It's going to get ugly????? COUNT ME IN!
I think that we learn from our choices in life and grow from every action. We may not like ourselves in the morning sometimes, but gain strength the day after. I made many growth choices in my life, but if chose a different path? Would I have found myself or my family? I hear you loud and clear! Life is a question Mark, it is ourself that makes it an Exclamation point! I hope your day is swell tomorrow.
Blessed Be,
Wes
Must be who we are, and get the most out of the life we have carved for us. Our present situations are a culmination of our past, and we can choose to look to the future, or dwell on the past.
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