Thursday, September 11, 2008

... a continuation of policy


This is not to say that it can't happen in Detroit, but it has always been quiet.  To explore what might be around isn't as appealing as it is to go in a new direction, and I can make my own trail.

I eat a lot of snacks, and when AKA and I first met, there was the flavour soda pop from Faygo, Cotton Candy.  It was HORRIBLE!  But that along with Mrs. Fields cookies were must buys at the gas station.

When Tee Jay and I were dating, I HAD to have ice cream, either from 31 Flavors or Breyer's.  Those were the only two that I would enjoy, which isn't to say that if someone offered me a bowl, I would turn it down (that would have been rude, since they went to the trouble and all!)

When I was with Mookie, it was the ol' stand by's, Butter fingers (2) and Coke.  That was one of those signs of trouble, cause that was a childhood comfort food.  This is just more abstract arcana that says to me, that the Mark that I want to be, is still here.  I can still find my level and work from it, appearing similarly to people but different. 

I am sure I could struggle around and get the little things about Mark from Carolina, and Mark from Georgia.  The point of all this is ... does there have to be a point?

The basic fundamental part of my character is still in here, still with the same ability to morph and be Mark as he appears to the observer.  This plays a big part in why my biggest worry about going west isn't necessarily love, but one of help.  Therapy helped me rediscover the 'you' in universe, and there is a place for me.

A few entries ago, I did m 'After the Escatsy ... the dishes' line because most of the heavy lifting, which required an intense focus and was engaging of me mind and body, is complete.  And after you mess up the sheets and bedroom playing 'Doctor' or 'Bad Student', you have to clean up the mess, and get back to the everyday things that brought you to that moment.

It was a little dip there, because I can see that as I look from the hill that I just climbed, there is yet another one ahead, and it could be even higher and steeper.

Shoot!  I am tired!  That is a hard word to wring out of me, but I am.  Yeah, every now and then, a thought comes in, one that wants me to say 'hmm, are you sure you got one more life for this, cat?  And if you do, it would mean that there may not be another one left, you get me?'

That is something that I do 'get', and why I do the things I feel is necessary for me to be ready.  The precaution that I am going to take, is that I will plan at least one 'reconnaissance' mission before I give the 'go ahead'.


I was walking down Six Mile Road, 16 years old, looking forward to gradution, with no focus, and no real direction, when I passed the recruiters office in 48219.  When all at once, the pretending that I was fighting in Guadalcanal and the jungles of the Phillipines, the stories told about the 'nam by uncles and the 'good war' hit me.

Two hours later, I was pleading with my Mom to sign a contract so that in June, when I would be of age (16 years, 9 mos) to go.  I would leave in July for basic training.

Gave you the random scraps that led me to Carolina ... just wanted to go to Georgia, to see if me and Pecan Sandie could do something.  There are other places, but I first have to find THE one place.

Home.  That is what I expect to find out west.



luvrte66 said...

Sounds like someone has a sweet tooth...! Cotton candy soda pop? Urgh!

I like your idea of a recon mission. That seems prudent.


lv2trnscrb said...

I like your type of comfort foods; I have a few myself; think we all do

wasn't that awfully young to join the service? not even 17 years old; wow! At the time, I'm not sure I would have signed the papers for my son to join, in looking back, I think it would have been a good thing for him since 17/18 were tough years for him

take care of yourself Mark


buckoclown said...

Glad that you are planning a recon trip.  Eventually all cats need to get to the point of living their last life.  I am in mine, and hope you find yours soon :o)