BOOGADA, BOOGADA, BOO!

FOGHORN LEGHORNE

There is this one cartoon, where he takes a stick with a clown's head on it, and sticks it into the Dog's house and shakes it at him to upset him, saying 'Boogada, boogada, boogada', then turning and running just out of the Dog's reach on his rope.

I mention this, becasue my wedding anniversary is coming up. There hasn't been much talk about Skye, because what can I do? They don't return calls or mail. My daughter, perhaps I can understand, but her Mom? For too many reasons (actually not 'many', just don't want to waste the space here or in my mind; I know what I know), she should know better. Hasn't that always been her problem? Anywho, except while she was married, I have sent her a card on our 'anniversary'. This would be 20 years, right here.

Man, that would have been sooo cool.

Anywho, I think I get more out of sending her a card, than it bothers her, though as for that, I am hoping it does bother her. Even if it doesn't, the few dollars spent on my attempt to annoy here trumps the cost of therapy! Besides, it gives readers a glimpse at a side of me many people don't expect to get out of me ... that I can be an a**hole! It doesn't matter that it doesn't bother her ... it matters that I tried! Since she knows that about me, it is an automatic win, because she knows that I know that she knows I don't care if she is agitated or not. Just by having the card in her mail box will mean that 'the terrorists win'.

BUT NOT LIKE THE BECK SONG

Don't know if anyone knows what 'Jody calls' are, but when I was in the service and guys would be gripin' about what their girls back home was doin' with Jody, they would ask if I was worried about that. It wasn't just that I didn't leave anyone in Detroit, but my attitude was, 'Hey, I AM JODY'. Tried to told 'em ... you do your girl wrong, and I am going to 'get' your girl.

Because I never was a pub crawler, I never would hang out in the bars off post or try to find places to drink and stuff. I would do what I do now, which is 'chill'. Sometimes, a Sheila would be walking around posts, down because it was Friday night and her little soldier boy from another unit was nowhere to be found. There would be a theatre on post ... they had little on post clubs and dinner places. So you didn't HAVE to go off post to take someone out for an evening.

Why would I want to go off post anyway? That was where HE was at, and if we ran into him doing his dirt, all sorts of hilarity would ensue. This wasn't funny, this was a mission and not a small time thing.

SO THIS IS HOW I DO IT

I would walk up to the G.I. Jane, despondent because her Joe was nowhere to be found, and she had her hair done, hoping to go to a juke joint and then for 'whatever'. Me, I would be on my way back to the barracks, coming from the post library and the sweet 'n treat with a soda and some cookies (if the formula ain't broke...) and I'd spy sweet, sweet Jane, face looking like it is about to crumble. She would be sitting with her other miserable single friends, all of them trading on their, 'Men bad, fire good', stories.'

'Oh, poor lil' Monkey Cat, why do you look so sad?' And she would talk about her Joe, and I would say, 'Well, let's go to NCO Club, have dinner and some drinks, since you are so made up. Give me a half hour and I will come and get you!'

Tried to tell Joe at mess hall ... hey, I AM JODY!

WHY A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE IS DANGEROUS

For me, the formula to find and be with someone has always been simple. What you see that people don't like ... DON'T DO IT!! It kills me, listening to people wonder why they can't find anyone to be interested in them ... I want to tell them to look in a mirror! What would you say to the badly dressed, uncouth, thoughtless and poorly dressed person you see there, if they were to ask you out?

When I would come upon a 'klatch' of women, I would join into the conversation. Listening to them talk about their relationships, their broad generalizations of men, I picked up on patterns. People damning of sterotypes can work against them, in soo many ways. For instance, people that get their panties in a bunch over statements like, 'all women/men/blacks/whites etc., fail to acknowledge that when March Madness starts, the telly is going on 'basketball lockdown' for a month, or that Oprah/Rachel Ray/Martha Stewart is going to dominate the afternoon viewing. Ten brothers on a corner? Throw a basketball at 'em and see what happens. Rebel flag in the bar window? Uh, I don't think we want to go into this bar Earl and Skillet.

Stereotypes are made for a reason ... and the same goes for relationships. In my restless youth, I would use them as sign posts. When I would 'sense' that I was playing to one, I would go the other way, if nothing else. Then, some of the things that got me picked on as a kid, was a good quality with women now. I could really listen to and commiserate with people, and I actually took the time to get to know who they were, what they thought wanted and what they thought they were looking for.

... ok smart guy ... why are YOU single?

Because no one ever asked me what I was looking for. And people assume they know what I think, so they rarely asked that of me. And I didn't ask that of myself.